He said he wants to take it slow but he isn't

I'm 18 and in my first year of college. Me and this guy who has been texting me for a while made out last Wednesday for the first time. We both reallly like each other and are probs going to end up being boyfriend and girlfriend. The second time we hung out, he made a point of telling me he really wants to take things slow, and I said that was fine. He also asked me how far I've gone before, and I told him not past 2nd. He told me he's more experienced (I'm pretty sure he's gone all the way before). Anyway, the NEXT day, we were making out, and he tried to get into my pants! But they were too tight so he couldn't really do anything. The next time he did get in my pants and he fing ered me. I put my hand in his pants and touched his thing but I couldn't really move around much and he was like "well I could take them off, but that would go against our whole going slow thing" so I ended up just leaving it alone. Last night, he tried to take my pants off and I told him he didn't have to tonight and he was like "OMG I'm so sorry I'm so embarrassed I'm not used to being with girls like you" and I was like no it's fine... but then like 20 min later when we were getting into it he took them off anyway and went down on me! Which I was OK with I guess but I'm just very confused cause this is not going slow. And then he told me I don't need to feel obligated to return the favor and I was like good cause I'm a little too nervous to right now but he tried to move my hand down there anyway and seemed sad when I eventually left. Basically I am confused because this isn't what slow means to me. I'm fine with going this fast don't get me wrong, I just don't know what he wants. And I want to do stuff back to him but I'm so scared cause I never have before!

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What Guys Said 1

  • He's saying one thing and doing another.

    He said he likes to go slow as a way of making you feel safer. Then he goes ahead and does what he wants anyways, with less resistance from you.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Something similar happened to me once. I told the guy to take things slower in terms of sexual things, and he agreed and promised to respect that. Next thing I know he's going at the speed of lightning. Honestly, I think it's because most guys are into the sexual stuff, but they need a girl for that. So yes, he'll tell you what you want to hear, but still try pretty hard to do what he wants anyway. If you seriously like him, I'd suggest sitting down and talking to him about what your definition of going slow is, and if he's not on the same page and it bothers you, then you should stop seeing him. After all, it is your body and you and only you get to make the decisions in terms of what you want to do with it. He either respects that, or he's basically a rapist. Good luck!

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