Can you have intimate feelings for someone without wanting a relationship?

So my ex and I have been sleeping together after he broke up with me about a month to a month and a half ago. I was the one to suggest being sex buddies at first. He declined at the time, because he said that one of us will get hurt.

A few weeks ago we started sleeping together. I thought it would just be sex and leaving, but he wants me to spend the night. The first time he was pretty snuggley. The second time he was VERY snuggley. We spent an hour or so talking on the porch. Then we snuggled on the couch while watching tv. This is what I thought was really weird though. While we were sitting separately on the couch he brought up our first hang out. He asked "Do you remember when we first hung out here. You were so cute cuddled up in that corner in a tight little ball. Then you came over to me gave me a kiss (he actually reenacted this part and gave me a kiss) and said sorry." That night he was super snuggley in bed. He would constantly pull him into his chest/body, hold my hand while sleeping, and in general just be in constant contact with me.

He also would never really go down on me, and he's been asking for specific instructions on how to please me. He said he really likes pleasing me, and wants to do what I like.

The last time we hung out I had a really bad day at work and texted him if I could come over. He said yes. He rented a movie on the TV so I could take my mind off of things. He was a little snuggley this night.

So I texted him because, to me, the snuggles, and all the other actions suggest that he has feelings for me more than a booty call or friend with benefits. Am I crazy for thinking this?

He called when I was asleep that night so I didn't get to talk, but the next day I texted him if it really was that difficult a question. To me it was a simple yes or no question. He responded that he "doesn't want a relationship. he's not dependable. and that we could be friends if that's what I would like because he does care about me."

For those of you that are going to say that he has someone else or is interested in someone else. I know that's not the case. He has told me several times that he has not been with anyone else, and that he would be completely honest with me if he did sleep with anyone else.

He broke up with me because he said he felt he didn't deserve me. He lost his job and was going through a really rough time. He still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. So I can totally get if he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. But does his response mean that he never sees himself in a relationship with me? Or is it possible that he still has feelings for me but doesn't want to ask me to wait for him to get his life together?

It really is just confusing to me. I thought his actions were very intimate and something that you would only do with someone you had feelings for. So do you do those things with someone you don't have intimate feelings for?

Thanks for the responses-sorry this was long


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he definitely still has feelings for you. It sounds like the question you're really asking here is, "Why are we not in a relationship if he still loves me?" Something you didn't really go into detail about is how you feel about him. Do you still have feelings for him? Do you think he deserves you? Do you see the two of you together, and working, despite the fact that his life isn't ideal right now? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you should talk to him about it. Maybe the loss of his job caused his confidence to take a hit. Maybe that made him feel like he didn't deserve you, or didn't want to waste your time. If you think that's not true, tell him that, and maybe he'll want to get back together. If not right away, maybe after he's had time to adjust to and recover from his setbacks.

    To answer the question you actually asked, yes, it's possible to do those things with someone you don't have feelings for, but I don't think you'd be asking these questions if you couldn't tell that he's still emotionally attached to you. It would also feel very different if he was just after sex and the physical comfort of snuggling with and touching you. You would probably feel used and cold, not taken care of and loved.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds very hard!

    • ha, do you mean he does or the situation?

  • It seems like he feels insecure because he just can't face you, feeling that he's a loser now.


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