I've been wondering, if someone cheats, do you think that they're always going to be a cheater? Is it really "once a cheat, always a cheat." or can they change?
- ...always a cheat.Vote A
- ...not always a cheat.Vote B
Most Helpful Guy
I find this question comes up a lot on this site. I've given pretty much the same response each time.
Cheaters rarely change. Though I think they're more likely to change if they got dumped hard, and seriously f***ed hard for doing it, but even then I am of the opinion that it's selfish behavior , and won't likely change.
I'll just repeat what I've said in the past.
My experience is that while people can change, on average, they usually won't. In general. Not just cheaters. Most people don't change unless they really want to, or unless something big happened. Even then, it's generally unlikely, and the change typically happens quite slowly. With cheaters? Hell no. Cheaters are generally selfish by nature. They don't change. Especially if you forgive them.
See, here's how I see it. If you forgive a cheater (for whatever reason), well then, then you have essentially just told some part of their brain that it's OK. I'm not saying in a literal sense. (Although, that could happen, too) I'm saying you forgive (and keep/take back) a cheater, then the cheater now knows that there is forgiveness. You have just told them that no matter what, there is a chance they can come back from this. This guarantees that it will happen again.
However, I feel a swift kick to the curb sends a powerful message, and guarantees it won't happen again, to YOU. It might even get through that they screwed up. Doubtful. This is still betting against the spread, but it's more likely that the cheater who lost someone is going to change than a cheater who was forgiven for irreparably damaging the trust and very foundation of a relationship. Would you not agree?
Now, you folks might read this and think that I am cold, cynical or unforgiving. Maybe, maybe not. I can tell you that I speak from experience. First and second hand. I have been cheated on loads of times by so very many of my girlfriends. I learned from that. I also learned from watching others. Friends who have been cheated on. Friends who have cheated. I've watched, and experienced it and I've seen, heard and read the stories from all over. (GirlsAskGuys included) I took note of the patterns.
Sure, forgive all you like, but only after you've dumped their cheating asses. Forgive, but don't forget. It's important to be smart about it. There's a slim chance they can change. Personally, I think you have a slightly better chance of winning the powerball, twice, in a row.7
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