Can a guy move on and then come back? Should I let go?

My boyfriend and I were together for 20 months before we broke up in January. The night of our break up he said he doesn't know what the future holds and that we might get back together in the future. We cried and he kept telling me how much he loved me and will always love me and when I told him "if you love someone you let them go and if its meant to be they'll come back" he burst into tears.

One month after the breakup and no communicating, I asked if he wanted to work things out and he said he was content with the decision he made and that he loved and missed me but didn't think we were "the one" for each other. It's been about 4 months of no communication up until early April when he text messaged me saying "happy birthday" on my birthday very early in the morning. A couple of days ago both my mother and I texted him for his birthday and he did not respond to either of us. I am very close with his family and friends and it turns out he said that he felt uncomfortable answering us and that he was "trying to move on" but I guess he felt bad because the next day he responded apologizing for not answering us back and said thank you.

The whole situation is weird because about a month and a half ago he told one of his friends that he wanted to slowly try and start talking to me again but wasn't sure if it was the right time and wanted things to happen "naturally and on their own" but then a few weeks after said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to, that he still missed me but wanted to go out and party and have fun but still said he wanted to let things "happen naturally and on their own". He has not gone out like that, stays home, and is not dating anyone. His family said he told them he is in a "funk" and trying to figure out his life and career and what he wants to do.

His friend told me yesterday that he still has the picture of me and him up in his old room that nobody goes into but that he doesn't talk about me anymore.

My friends are telling me to just let go and see what happens, that he needs to work on himself and that he isn't putting any effort in right now so I shouldn't either. My question is, when he says he is "trying to move on" is that a way of masking his hurt? Also if he claims to love me so much, can someone move on and then come back?

We are both in our early-mid 20s by the way.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Can you love someone but move on? Absolutely, yes. Not all love is meant for forever. I loved my Boyfriend dearly that I dated from 16-20, and the next one that I dated from 21-25 I love as well. Will I always care for them? Yes. Will they always have a special place in my heart? Yes. Both break ups were incredibly hard to get thru, broken hearts really do hurt. It wasn't meant to be with either of them though.

    I'm now with my fiance and I couldn't have a better match. If I'd met him when I was 20, I probably wouldn't have liked him, he told me so himself lol. We just met at the right time in both of our lives, we're both in the same place together and it's going great. Right now, your guy is not in the same place you are. He's hit that age where he wants his freedom, to date around, explore, experience new things. This is totally natural and normal and someday he'll be ready to settle down, when he meets the right girl AND meets her at the right time in his life.

    In the mean time, you should not be so concerned about whether or not he is coming back. You should be meeting new people, dating around, enjoying your freedom and exploring and enjoying life as well. Good luck to you.

    • Thank you I agree with what you said, but my question was can a guy move on like he is trying to do now and come back in the future? Or is it that he moves on and never looks back type of thing? I'm just going off of his actions and how they are very wishy-washy.

    • Either one is possible. The important part is that you don't sit and wait for him to come back though. He will sense it, and if he feels like he has grown and you have not, you will effectively convince him NOT to come back. . .

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