I need help dealing with this break up

So I've been with my boyfriend for over three years and we're in college now. He said that for the past few months he kept thinking about sex with other girls. We haven't had any rellay major problems besides the stress from school. There had also been a physical disconnect. We were also living together in this really small place but now we're both back with our families for the summer. After he told me his feelings I said it'll destroy us if we stay together so mutually decided on a break. He took my virginity and I was his first serious girfriend even though he had slept with other girls in high school before we started dating. We want to get back together but just not right now.It's only been a week since we broke up but I'm in a lot of pain. Right now I don't have any interest in other guys. A lot of older married couples told me they took a break from each other because they met so young and it ended up helping their relationship. They it's better to marry with no regrets. My ex and I talk all the time and he knows he wants to get back together. I need help keeping myself distracted because this situation is all I think about when I'm not doing anything and I just want to stop thinking about how much I love and miss him right now. Please help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ask yourself this question: are you okay with him having sex with other girls on this "break"? Because that's the purpose of it. Don't kid yourself about that.

    If you aren't okay with that, then this is a breakUP, which is exactly what the vast majority of "breaks" actually are.

    You guys have been together for quite a long time considering it was your first serious relationship. It's the NORM for such relationships not to last forever. By what he's been saying, he's wanting his chance to go wild and experience life and bang a bunch of girls. That's what most guys do during their college years. He's realizing that the clock on that is about to run out, and he doesn't want to miss his chance. Once school is over and he has to start working, party time is largely over: he'll be working long hours and have very little control over his life for the first few years of his career.

    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need a reality check. If he wants this now, it's likely going to continue to be an issue until he gets it out of his system, and it's going to be something that gets between the two of you until then, assuming you are together.

    I always tell people "there is no such thing as a break; you either stay in the relationship and work on the issues TOGETHER, or you break up." The thing about relationships is: what YOU want doesn't matter if the other person wants something different. Relationships only work when people want the SAME thing in the relationship, and you can't change someone else's mind, you can only change your own.

    I hear a lot of "but I don't WANT that" or "that's not what *I* want" from people with relationship problems, and part of what they aren't accepting is that, unlike most parts of life, being in a relationship isn't about what ONE person wants, it's what the TEAM wants, and teams only work if they have the same goals. A "team" with opposing goals isn't a team, it's a mess that will quickly fragment and explode from the tension.

    The other important thing to understand is that you have to determine what the other person wants from the very beginning, BEFORE you get together with them and invest too many emotions in them, because once you're together, it's too late. You aren't going to change, and neither are they. That's why it's so critical not to choose partners ONLY on attraction, but ALSO on compatibility, because if you don't, your relationship doesn't have a long-term future.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • i think you should have sex with someone else to make sure you really want to be with this guy. take advantage of the break, as you said

  • Your boyfriend is really fed up in your relationship that's why he wants to take a break. For now, the relationship is over. Because he's still talking to you, let him work the relationship out, while you keep your options open.


What Girls Said 1

  • Call up your friends and go do something! Don't sit home alone and think about him all the time! You Will think about him but if you keep busy it will be easier in a week or so!


Recommended myTakes