Is my boyfriend a master manipulator or should I trust he just hit a rough patch?

Last night I found an email exchange between my boyfriend and his soon to be ex-wife. His ex is planning on moving to Florida and taking their 12 year old child. I know my boyfriend is upset about this but feels he doesn't have the funds to fight her in court to block the move. In his email correspondence he tells her he'll break up with me and move to Florida. He told her he has no intent of them rekindling their relationship and he definitely wants the divorce done before she moves. He's been telling me we will get married and he wants to spend his life with me. We even bought an engagement ring together (actually I paid for it as he has no money). However, he's been telling me he's waiting to propose to me until after he's divorced. He's already been separated 4.5 years. He's promised me that we will spend the rest of our lives together. Anyways, he tells his ex he'll break things off with me in April or May at the latest. Nothing has happened yet and he's not acting very different. Nothing that would have been a hint that he plans on dumping me. This email exchange was around spring break time. He goes on to say to not say anything to their daughter because he doesn't want me to know he moves to Florida until after he gets there. He's afraid I know his co-workers and it would get leaked that he plans to bail on his company. She goes on to tell him to stay with me while he can so he can get his finances in order. She encourages him to not break up with me yet so he won't be financially strapped. His response is it's not fair to lead me on and he can't go the whole summer without taking care of this. WTF. In the mean time I wrote him a very nice note about our relationship as I wanted to see his response. I reminded him of the hopes and promises we've made to each other and how happy we have been. He responded that it was very sweet and kissed me. He assured me all his promises he's made to me are still true. Of course when I asked him what his plan was this morning for getting the divorce completed he got upset. He yelled that he didn't want to spend thousands of dollars and he just wanted to wait out his ex to see if she'd sign the documents. I urged him to reconsider waiting to propose to me then. If it's going to be even more of a wait I want his solid (visible - i.e. ring) commitment. It's been driving me nuts to have this engagement ring I can't wear! Thoughts?
Updates:
No is not aware that I read the email. He's been using my laptop and left his email account open. I know it's wrong to snoop but I wanted to see what coorespondence had been going on lately regarding his divorce. I was very surprised to find this email chain.
I've been battling with the decision to confront him or not. We just signed a two year lease on our place. He pays all the rent. I cover utilities, groceries, entertainment, dinners out, vacations, etc. I can't believe he would even be contemplating leaving me. It's just blowing my mind. You're right that I don't want to believe that he could be using me. I don't want to believe any of this is happening. I'm not ready to accept and deal with the situation. I'm still processing this.
We have been together for 3 and a half years.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am guessing he doesn't know you read this email?

    I think you know what the right answer is and you don't want to accept it to be true. I know its not what you want to here but based on what you have written I strongly feel he is just using you for financial support. I would confront him on this email, obviously it is likely to cause a large argument between you both but it would surely bring out the truth right?

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    • how long have you actually been together for?

    • it may be the case that he is just after his child and isn't interested in his ex at all. he said what he did in his email in order to try and convince her to let him see the child etc

      but again I strongly advise you discuss the email with him. if he truly loves you and wants to be with you he will be honest about his plans

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What Guys Said 3

  • I suspect his daughter means more to him than either his ex, or his job, ..or you! He'll do whjatever it takes to be with her.

    In the meantime, he's using you, just as his miserable ex advised him to do.

    Sorry to rain on your parade, but he'll almost certainly be gone once the ex actually goes to Florida.

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  • I'm so sorry this is going on, but it seems like you have yourself a real a**hole. I'd get out of the lease as soon as possible.

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  • It's clear that he's a jerk. It doesn't matter if you've been together for 3 1/2 years. You'll just get hurt at the end.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't blame you for reading his email, obviously you felt something was not right in your gut, and you were right.Dont let him know you read it and continue investigating this,so that if he continues plotting it with her you can prepare yourself by beating him to the punch.I know you are having a hard time with this but at least you get an inside view of who he really is.So when he does make his move he won't catch you off guard because you have known about it all along.Save your money, do not share anymore with him.

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  • I don't know how you haven't said anything to him about these email exchanges with his ex. I couldn't let him live with me another second or stay in the relationship another minute if I thought he was using me for his own financial well being. What if he does up and leaves you? That would be so heartbreaking! He could be telling you what you want to hear and then leaving for Florida to be near his child! Why coudnt he ask YOU to move to Florida with him if he wants to make you his WIFE? And why the hell are you buying your own engagement ring? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read this post again to yourself and try to see what advice you would give someone else if they posted it. It appears you are getting strung along as long as possible until he can MOVE! His ex is even telling him to USE YOU for his own financial gain. I would say something to him! I couldn't hold this in.

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  • I'm sorry sweet. He's being an ass. Maybe try talking to him, but I don't know. Be sure to get out of the lease too

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