Why would an ex want to remain separate, but still ask you do "relationshippy" things?

My ex has been really confusing me lately, so I'm hoping GAG can help me clear some stuff up. Background, we dated for a good 2 years in high school, broke up just before college, got back together kind of in college only to break up when some other guy asked her out. They dated maybe 4 months before she dumped him and has since declared to remain single. Problem is, I still love her immensely. Other problem is, she knows it. I asked her if there was any chance we could get back together a little after her break up and she said she didn't know so no. Well the topic came up again the other night and her position hadn't really changed. But then yesterday, we were studying in her room when she asked me to read to her as she laid in my lap. I consented, but pretty soon she started asking me to rub and scratch her back, brush her hair, and run my fingers through her hair. I used to love doing that when we were dating, and it was so difficult not to lean over and kiss her as I was doing these things.

But I'm still very confused by these things. She doesn't want to get back together, she wants to just be friends, but she wants me to do some relationshippy things with/for her. I miss the closeness we had, and I feel like she does too, particularly after yesterday, but if she truly missed it, wouldn't she want to get back together? I'm not being needy or desperate, bombarding her with texts and calls. In fact, she usually contacts me first. I'm working out regularly and watching my health, something I'd never done while we dated, and she's noticed and commented on the improvement. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I love her and I just want her back. Thanks GAG

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She likes the intimacy of being with you without the pressure of a relationship and all that comes with it. It probably also makes her feel good knowing that you love her and will do those things for her, although it isn't very fair to you since you want more.

    I don't think you are doing anything wrong, it seems she just doesn't want a relationship (like gf/bf) for whatever reason; however, she does want to have someone around and to do stuff with that she knows loves her unconditionally

    You should probably just talk to her about you're feeling. Explain that you don't especially like the position you are in because it is kind of like running a race and seeing a finish line except every step you take the finish line moves further and further away. If you want a relationship and don't want the status quo tell her that. Explain that you don't want to push her away but you actually want more and ask her what she thinks

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What Girls Said 2

  • She's stringing you along. She keeps you around because she likes the attention you give her, and likes having the upper hand. She keeps you there to occupy her until another guy comes along. That's all.

    There's no chance that you two will ever have a relationship like you did in high school.

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  • Problem one - You still love how she used to be. The old times that are now over.

    Problem 2 - She knows she's has the upper hand. And you're giving her permission to.

    - She wants you there until she finds another guy.

    - Very unsure right now but who cares right? She's stringing you along.

    That's all there is to it.

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What Guys Said 4

  • She just wants to hold onto you until she finds the next guy.

    She still wants to do relationshippy things cause she is most likely using you for your money. I would tell her double dutch for now on, then you'll see how muchs actual time she wants to spend with you.

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  • Cause she's a crazy psychotic bitch.

    Bam, BA me baby.

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    • Lol I'm tempted to because my guy friends all said the same thing.

  • She's using you for emotional support until a guy she wants to date comes along. You're gladly giving it and getting nothing in return.

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  • It must be that she still want to do things with you or be friends with benefits.

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