My ex has been really confusing me lately, so I'm hoping GAG can help me clear some stuff up. Background, we dated for a good 2 years in high school, broke up just before college, got back together kind of in college only to break up when some other guy asked her out. They dated maybe 4 months before she dumped him and has since declared to remain single. Problem is, I still love her immensely. Other problem is, she knows it. I asked her if there was any chance we could get back together a little after her break up and she said she didn't know so no. Well the topic came up again the other night and her position hadn't really changed. But then yesterday, we were studying in her room when she asked me to read to her as she laid in my lap. I consented, but pretty soon she started asking me to rub and scratch her back, brush her hair, and run my fingers through her hair. I used to love doing that when we were dating, and it was so difficult not to lean over and kiss her as I was doing these things.
But I'm still very confused by these things. She doesn't want to get back together, she wants to just be friends, but she wants me to do some relationshippy things with/for her. I miss the closeness we had, and I feel like she does too, particularly after yesterday, but if she truly missed it, wouldn't she want to get back together? I'm not being needy or desperate, bombarding her with texts and calls. In fact, she usually contacts me first. I'm working out regularly and watching my health, something I'd never done while we dated, and she's noticed and commented on the improvement. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I love her and I just want her back. Thanks GAG
Most Helpful Guy
She likes the intimacy of being with you without the pressure of a relationship and all that comes with it. It probably also makes her feel good knowing that you love her and will do those things for her, although it isn't very fair to you since you want more.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong, it seems she just doesn't want a relationship (like gf/bf) for whatever reason; however, she does want to have someone around and to do stuff with that she knows loves her unconditionally
You should probably just talk to her about you're feeling. Explain that you don't especially like the position you are in because it is kind of like running a race and seeing a finish line except every step you take the finish line moves further and further away. If you want a relationship and don't want the status quo tell her that. Explain that you don't want to push her away but you actually want more and ask her what she thinks0