Did I strike a chord?

So my boyfriend and I have been broken up for a little over 4 months with the only contact being one month into it saying our "final goodbyes", saying happy birthday to each other on our birthdays, and then last night.

According to his close friend, he has wanted to come back and work things out with me slowly twice, once being one week into our breakup, and the other about 2 months ago. He said two months ago he wanted to "let things happen naturally and on their own" which is exactly what I want instead of jumping back into the old relationship. However since then his friend said that my ex stopped talking about me completely. He isn't dating someone else, he doesn't even go out he just goes to school and work and comes back home.

Yesterday his friend calls me and says he spoke to my ex that morning and asked him what he really wanted from me and that my ex said that he wants his friend to tell me to move on, that he just wants to focus on himself, and that he just doesn't see us getting back together anymore. For me that was hard to believe considering less then two months ago he told his friend he "hopes we would get back together in the future". I do know that he has been in a funk for a long time now and that he is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life and his career and is somewhat lost.

So last night I decided to give him what he wants. I texted him and asked him to leave my bag of stuff on his front porch and that I was going to come pick it up in 10 minutes on my way home. It took him a good 30 minutes to respond and say "can you just text me when you are here" so I knew he wanted to talk. I called my friend because I was very nervous who told me to be strong and just act independent and show that I'm moving on. Well another 10 minutes goes by he texted me again saying "I left your stuff out on the porch" and I responded saying "ok thanks just about there". He wasn't outside and I picked up my stuff and left.

I would like everyone's opinion but I feel like I struck a chord and he wanted to come out and talk to me but got too scared and then decided he couldn't. I feel like this shows what he is saying to his friends is a front and because he saw it coming from me that I'm moving on it bothered him.

My friends said this is a good thing and I made the right choice picking up my stuff and showing strength by not knocking on the door when I was 10 feet away from him.

We were together for 20 months, we're both in our early-mid 20s. We had only ever taken a two week break and this is our only break up. I know our problems are fixable because they're personal problems that you can change so the relationship isn't hopeless, and nobody ever once cheated.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's good to defne an end to things if there isn't any real chance of salvaging a relationship.

    It doesn't mean yu can't still try to get back together. But for now, each of you knows where the other stands, so you can move on with a clear conscience.

    • Thank you. Why do you think he acted the way he did though? Telling his friend to tell me to move on but clearly acting as if it bothered him that I picked up my stuff. And then wanting to talk to me but then changing his mind in 10 minutes...I feel like he is trying to act strong and tough as if he isn't hurting, but it's a front and he is and it's as if he is forcing himself to move on. What do you think?

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    • Yes, indeed...best answer?

    • Good luck, let me know how it turned out!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Sounds like you no longer want the relationship to continue, if that is the case put him out of his misery, I get the impression he's very much interested and your playing hard to get. No relationship is going to go well if your like that, be honest and don't play mind games as guys don't like stuff like that, what do you want exactly? It seems you have the power, end it and let him move on, or give it another chance, don't linger as you both won't be able to move on.

    • Wow no I definitely want the relationship, I was ready to talk last night and he never came out. He was the one who told his friend to tell me to move on so I'm not sure where you are getting the impression that I am playing games.

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    • He told his friend earlier that morning to tell me that I should move on, and when I picked up my stuff he first texted me implying he wanted to talk but 10 minutes later sent me another text saying he left the stuff on my porch. I'm not sure how I'm the one playing games, I even texted him saying I'm just about there implying I was ready to talk and he wasn't outside, I wasn't going to knock on the door.

    • It sounds like he defiantly is not too bothered about the relationship, and doesn't want to confront you about it. There's only one solution and is to move on. You probably don't want to accept this but you wouldn't want anyone who doesn't want to be with you surely. Just be glad that no one cheated on each other as those are the worst breakups

  • It's quite clear that both of you don't want to be with each other again.

    • Wow you are very off, but thanks for taking the time to respond.

  • You just did the right thing.
    Though it's still advisable if you just take the friendship side of your relationship, and move on.
    Find a new guy.

    • I don't really want anybody else to be honest with you, but thank you.

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