Ex broke things off due to trust issues?

My ex and I broke up a few days ago (everything is still raw I know) We started out kind of rocky about 10 months ago neither of us really wanted to commit to the relationship due to bad experiences in the past. I ended up in the hospital about three months into seeing each other and she spent the night and made sure I was OK. That’s when I was convinced she was a good person. Anyhow in December (around the 6 month mark) she went through my Facebook (kind of a privacy breech there) but she found messages from My previous ex some flirting and what not and to be honest some were not appropriate for a platonic conversation so I understand why she was upset. I put everything on the table and told her I would stop contact with my ex. Things were great and she seemed to bounce back pretty quickly. About 3 months later things were going so well we talked about moving in together and our future and all that stuff. So here is the bad news about a month ago she went through my email and found a few scarce trace emails between my ex and I this time there was no foul play completely platonic about video games or something dumb like that. I apologized and told her I had actually forgot about those emails and was so concentrated on our relationship I didn’t even think of them I apologized and stepped up my game to 150% to try and show her I was sorry (flowers at work doing chores and cooking dinner more than usual). She tried to get along for about a week and a Half when I could tell it was really starting to wear on her. Her grandfather also passed two days after she found these emails she also had finals with school and was working a lot. (I could tell she was flat out exhausted) eventually about 2 weeks after she found the emails she said she needed time to think things over (a few days later I sent an email to my ex saying hey cutting the rope last time I just ignored you and I want to make sure everyone is on the same page this time I also forwarded that as well as my ex’s response to my GF). I told her that I loved her and if that was what she needed I would do whatever needed to happen for her to get better and that I have never forced her down a path she didn’t want to walk. A couple days went by and that Sunday she called me and said she wanted the break to be more permanent ( I was pretty intoxicated so the talk got out of hand rather quickly and she hung up on me ) Later that Night I texted her and apologized for the brash behavior. She dropped my clothes and stuff off Monday while I was at work I really love and care for this girl and everywhere I am reading it says no contact and to give her space which I have been doing. (Besides the trust issue thing we had a great relationship and didn’t fight or bicker we also have very similar personalities and whatnot. I don’t want to seem like a bitch and have been keeping myself busy. Just want to hear the female side of the story.


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  • Yo Rat:

    I realize you wanted to hear the female side of the story, but having been through what you just were in, I think I can summarize it pretty quickly.

    Trust = control. No two ways about it. Time only makes it worse, the more time you spend with her, the most her trust issues translate into wanting to control you - what you do, who you communicate with, where you go. You jump through hoops just trying to satisfy her "trust" issues and can never quite put her at ease.

    You got off easy, God help you if you'd married her and had children. I posted a story about my experience in this situation, take a look at it if you want. Things are raw now but you'll bounce back. I'm not saying she is a terrible person, but she's not ever going to find happiness in a relationship until she gets help, and you're not a psychologist.