Boyfriend broke up with me because he wants to be single... read question!

My boyfriend and I were together for about 2 months and things were going great! Constantly texting, calling, hanging out... everything was initiated equally. Met his family and his friends and they all like me.

This week he had one of his supervisors get him in trouble and it really crushed his ego. This week was also finals week for me so we were both stressed and haven't seen each other all week.

Today out of the blue, he calls me and tells me he wants to break up because he wants to be single. He was in a horrible 5 year relationship that ended several months before we started our relationship. He dated another girl before me so I was not the rebound.

He says he still cares about me, wants to be with me, wants me in his life (still wants to talk and hang out), but he can't be boyfriend/girlfriend right now. Basically he asked for space. His ex was really controlling and demanding and I think he thinks that relationships are all like that, so he may be psyching himself out. He also said that he's 100% sure that we will work out, he just needs some space to think and enjoy his life without feeling like he has to answer to someone... he used the analogy of a bachelor party lol

I talked with his mom and she says he is really torn up and he cares about me.

So what do you think? Chances of me and him getting back together?

*** PLEASE provide reasoning why!*** Thank you!

  • Yes... explain
    Vote A
  • No... explain
    Vote B
  • Maybe... explain
    Vote C
  • Other... explain
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
PS, he has not changed his relationship status on Facebook yet either, after we talked about it today. He also referred to what we are doing as a "break", that he's not completely done or over me.
Texted me this morning... "Good morning. I just wanted to say sorry for being rude to you last night. Please just give me time. You're an amazing girl and we will be just fine"

Thoughts now?
Holy cow guys, thank you so much for all of your thoughtful insights! I really appreciate it! Ok, so like my update said, he texted me this morning... texted me in the afternoon to wish me a good night and then again around midnight to ask me how my night was, and then finally a couple minutes ago asking me if everything is OK because I haven't replied to him today. That's 4 texts in one day after he broke up with me and told me he needed space. I don't get it?
Week post break up: He texts/calls daily, we are talking as if we are still together. He texted me thanking me for being so understanding and that I'm a special kind of person. He misses me, and he has started calling me 'babe' again. We had plans for a date last night to see a movie but he had to cancel because something from work came up. We have rescheduled and things seem to be improving. We have agreed to just enjoy time together with no labels and let things naturally evolve.
We are back together! :)
My dearest anonymous user who doesn't have the balls to stand up to me and has blocked me-seriously, get on with your life and stop trolling mine. We are back together, why would I lie about that? He said he legit had some stresses in his life and he didn't like how serious we became quickly, that in turn created pressure for him. He realized that he wants me in his life and he didn't want to fight it anymore. HE came to ME, I did not chase him whatsoever and I gave him space to think. Step off


Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, I want to clarify the definition of rebound. A rebound relationship is a relationship that one enters into before one has come to complete terms with a previous long term deeply emotional relationship. Generally these type relationships (rebounds) come before the person has fully healed emotionally and come to terms that it is actually over.

    With that being out there, true, you're not "the" rebound girl, but perhaps "a rebound girl" meaning that even though he saw a girl before he met and entered into a relationship with you, he still hasn't come to terms with his loss of the relationship which has him emotionally in turmoil.

    This is primarily the reason why he's wanting to backslide out of a relationship with you at the moment. Don't get me wrong, as this has nothing to do with you as a woman, or his feelings for you. Basically it has something to do with his emotional turmoil. He really needs to heal from the closure of his relationship with the girl he was so deeply involved in. He needs to complete his disassociation emotionally with her before he can fully emotionally be available to someone new. Until that happens, he will continue to backslide.

    He most likely felt he was over her when entering in a relationship with you but it's clear he isn't. He most likely wants to pt things on hold so he can sort these emotions out. Additionally to that he still has to work out some baggage issues. His analogy of a "bachelor party" in regard to where he is in his life could be an indicator that he finds relationships a bit smothering and restrictive. Quite often one of the things that goes through one's mind after a failed relationship is "Is a relationship really worth it?" In which case he also has other issues to sort out within himself.

    I don't want to use the term "damaged goods" but clearly he may be still "wounded" and there is no doubt he needs space at the moment. It is also pretty clear he sees some very good qualities within you to not totally call it quits and is hoping that he can still stay in communication and grow with you so that when he is indeed ready things will have a better chance of working out between the both of you.

    If you truly care for him, the best thing you can do is give him that space, but still communicate with him and be supportive of him emotionally. If you have been sexually active with him before, it would be a good idea to stop and explain to him that it's not that you like him any less, but that you reserve that for someone you're in a relationship with and additionally you don't want to confuse him while he's recovering from his relationship.

    The chances of you getting back together with him will increase based on how often and how well you both interact with one another. The more supportive, the closer he will keep you. If you distance yourself from him then it will most likely distance his emotional attachment toward you as well and decrease the possibility of a reunion.

    • You sound like a good counselor. I need to read more on psychology, because you give really good advice. I could learn a lot from you. Congratulations on best answer.

    • Show All
    • My experience comes from a one-time infatuation, no relationships (so far), and reading advice columns on Psychology Today, learning to give that kind of advice. Other than that, I finished my first year of college. I would say that Interpersonal Communication was one of the most important classes. Did any of you take it before?

    • No formal instruction, but family has always stressed it when coming up, therefore we're brought up to view things with an open mind, listen to and view things without distorting or discriminating it with the views of others. If there's a painting on a wall, its clear its a painting, but the interpretations will vary with all who view it. My mother would point out that we all have our likes/dislikes but when you evaluate, you have to disassociate those if you want to be effective & helpful.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 23

  • A "rebound" relationship is one you have when you aren't really over a previous relationship, and aren't ready to commit to dating again. Just because he dated someone else in between doesn't mean he was fully over his 5-year relationship and ready to be clear-headed and committed to someone new. Obviously, he's not.

    I don't have any trouble believing what he says, because for a lot of people, it takes awhile to get their mind clear after a bad breakup, especially with a long-term relationship (and likely his only SERIOUS relationship).

    So, now, you have to figure out what you want to do. You are essentially "on a break" romantically, which normally is a thing that doesn't exist, but this is a possible exception. Having said that, IMO, you aren't obligated to "wait" for him to be ready for a relationship with you if you don't want to, and there's no guarantee that he'll EVER be ready.

    So, here's what I recommend: either you break up with him completely and look elsewhere, or you decide how long you're willing to wait for him (a month? 3 months? 6 months?), and once you decide, let him know that if he hasn't worked it out by then, you have no choice but to move on. This is important because plenty of people waste YEARS of their lives waiting for someone who ends up never wanting to get back together with them in an official relationship. If you're willing to wait, you need to have a limit, for your own sake.

    • This. Your boyfriend sounds like the guy version of me. lol. I totally crash and burn when things get too hectic and I react by running from a great guy I'm seeing, even though I'm still into him. Of course I end up going back, because he convinces me to, but it doens't last long because I end up doing the same thing a few months later when life gets to be too much again. And this behavior had nothing to do with the guys I was seeing, it was about me and my fear of losing myself because...

    • I veiw relationships as another respnsibility and the person I'm dating as someone I have to answer to, rather than someone who really cares about me and can actually help me with my problems if I would just let them in and trust them enough.

      So yeah I think this guy is definitely still into you and will be making a come back, but as MrOracle says, whehter or not you take him back or how long you are willing to wait is up to you.

    • Very well put both of you. This is exactly how I feel. I am going back and forth in my head and it's coming down to the issue of self respect (standing up for how I want to be treated) vs. proving to him that I care by waiting.

  • I am wondering why he cannot date you AND work through this mess.

    It's not as though you're asking to see him all of the time. Perhaps the previous woman in his life smothered him when he had non-relationship issues.

    Something else is up. He may be surprised how well things are going and if you've both hit it off with all friends and family. You may be simply amazing to him and he is amazed at that.

    I would give him a few days to cool off and just keep the texts light. Consider that you are not dating at the moment, but that you are still both on great terms.

    Interesting that he calls off one of the happiest things in his life... I think he is scared and doesn't want to lose you by asking for help. Some of us push others away when we should be seeing how they can help us.

    It's his loss to lose you, especially if you desire him in your life and are acting with empathy.

    • I think it's a combination of all of that. Like I told another commenter, I'm a psychology undergrad so I suspect that it's because of his work stress because it is unusual in his life, so he blamed the newest addition in his life... our relationship. He called me drunk this evening and told me that he likes me a lot, that he wants to be with me, and that he's sorry for all of this. We made plans to hang out tomorrow, so I'm interested what tomorrow will bring. Thanks for your input! :)

  • needing space but still wanting to hang out translates into... I want to see you but when I'm not with you not feel like I'm restricted by the rules and expectations of a relationship, which often means he wants to see what else is out there.

    I know he dated a girl before you but a guy in a 5year relationship who dates 2 women in a several months after the break up sounds like someone who still getting over his ex. It is possible to have multiple rebounds.

    So he may not even want to see other girls but I'd imagine mentally with the job stuff and ESPECIALLY still relatively new to being single after a long relationship that he isn't really in the best place to be dating. I'd try to keep your distance until he seems mentally stable. You also may need to explain to him that being I a relationship for 5 years means it is going to take significant time to get over the ex and really be ready to make a fresh start & you have to really ask yourself are you willing to deal with someone who's emotions (in terms of a relationship and ability to fully commit and deal with one) may be unstable

    • His ex was self centered and very demanding that took a toll on him. I'm far from demanding but I think he assumes that all relationships are like that. His mom said he pulls away in times like this to deal with it himself. He needs to mentally be away from 'demands' to sort out things. He doesn't want to date anyone else at the moment and he wants to get back together, he just needs time. The girl before me was more of a physical relationship and he had no feelings for her whatsoever.

    • i hear ya... that doesn't really seem like it's the best way to deal with things. I understand needing some time to get yourself mentally right. If he's ready to date, he's got to do it whole ass, unless you are willing to wait in the wings and hope that when his mind is right he will come back to you. otherwise you could be out finding the right guy rather than waiting and hoping that he will be the right guy at the time he determines is right for him. know what I mean?

  • first off, two months isn't a long time at all...secondly, what happens at work should NOT factor into a 'break' or 'breakup'. The issues are completely unrelated. As a man, if you break up because things aren't going well at work or other external factors that has NOTHING to do with relationship, your judgement is completely clouded and you're acting irrational.

    I think your assumption is right. He's probably dealing with tons of stress and emotions and doesn't know how to process it. He's probably the type of person who runs and hides from this when it's too much too handle. Just give him space, he's probably not over his previous relationship (5 years is a LONG time) and have some pretty heavy baggage plus the added stress of work. I don't think it healthy that he does this but he's probably too stubborn or prideful. Instead he should talk things out with you so you have a better understanding of where's he's coming from but you need not worry...hopefullly he'll get his act together.

    • He is very stubborn, according to his mom, he does this from time to time. She says that his ex was very demanding and self centered so he feels he needs a mental break from 'demands'... not that I'm demanding but it's all in his head. He has kept in contact the past couple of days, and it feels like we are still dating. He says he misses me and that we will be just fine (we are getting back together), he just needs time.

  • You can't blame him for wanting to live a while without the pressure and expectations of a relationship, after being with someone controlling for that long. He doesn't have that much longer to be young and carefree, and wants to taste that while he can.

    As you know, most breaks turn out to be permanent, but if you let him go in peace, there's a chance he will come back after enjoying some freedom!

    • Yeah, he kept mentioning pressure, expectations, and feeling like he always has to answer to me. I told him that it's all in his head... I'm not that girl who is constantly texting him, if he tells me he is at work I leave him be, with maybe one text wishing him a good day... and if he is with his buddies, I leave him be as well. I just think that he is going through some unnecessary work stress and he doesn't know how to handle it besides pushing me away.

    • Show All
    • We can't know for sure he's just making excuses, Amanda, but it's possible.

    • Surprised he'd be back s soon!Update: Congratulations!

  • Ah. I don't think you broke up then, although he shouldn't have used that wording. There should be no such thing as a break in a relationship. You can stop seeing each other for a while, and he could just say that he needs space, but he can't say that he wants to break up because he wants to be single, because that's going to raise insecurities and make you feel like you're not good enough.

    If he still loves you, then he will get back together. But talk to him. Tell him that he shouldn't break up just because he wants to be single, because that makes you feel like you're not good enough. Tell him that if he still loves you, he doesn't have to break up. He can still be in a relationship with you and still have some space. Also, don't use Facebook as an indicator of anything.

    • What I meant is that he can say that he needs space, but if he says "break", it might mean space, or it might not. That's why I think people have to be careful in how they say it. I think he can still keep the status of the relationship and still have space at the same time.

    • Looks like everything's going good. Good luck:)

  • Just let the wolf run in the wild !

    He was trapped before and something made him feel he is running in the same cycle...

    Give him a short space. Try to help by talking maturely if he is vulnerable and can open up to you.

    If you wanna talk to his mom again, try to keep it as a secret ;)

    Don't wait. enjoy chilling and hanging out with your friends... when he wake up from his coma he will be that hungry wolf missing you !

    Otherwise you become the prize !

    • How long is 'short' for space?

  • Ok based on your last update, you are telling us you are getting confused again !

    You showed high maturity level which is a quality most men truly appreciate.

    If I did understand your message you were showing acceptance and that's because you like him.

    So now try to think about yourself and about the relationship.

    For those texts he wrote, he is may be feeling guilty with you... You know him more !

    I think it's time for you to chill and to do what YOU like to do ! Spending time reading different advices here may show you compassion but it can also make you more confused...

    Think about yourself and profit from this time to know if you are truly missing him.

    And no worry ! if you are getting fear of abondmment, ask yourself honestly the following question :

    - Do you trust him enough?

    - Are you forgiving him now and later for that ?

    If it's just some time apart not an awful breakup, profit for yourself... enjoy being alone for a short time ! it's a gift believe me !

    You already showed him respect and if he is feeling good with you, he will appreciate you are not CONTROLLING and DEMANDANT

    Now it's up to you ! Later, profit from to talk about your limits... show him that women need to be reassured and that wasn't nice to make you insecure and looking for advices on the net ;)

    Just enjoy like if you were in a trip without him ! Or why not ? Do it ! Good luck :)

  • Just ask him directly and exactly if he sees him and you free to date other people during this time (or otherwise be involved with in any way romantically or sexually). Same answer for you both, naturally.

    Anything evasive of the sort "why do you feel the need to ask this question?" yaya yada means "Yes + I am a hypocritical manipulative beach"

  • I doubt it. It's possible, but I doubt it. And even so, why would you want to be? I don't care if his ex was controlling, you're not his ex and he should realize that long by now (btw, I'd say you could have more than one rebound after a long relationship, could take multiple people). But still, I wouldn't be as trusting of him if I were you only because he opted to end it instead of trying to work things out or talking to you first or whatnot, instead he just ends it. How could I (if I were you) possibly trust him to not end things so easily in the future? Only been 2 freaking months for that matter. Barely any time to really get to a strong relationship and I have a feeling you two haven't known each other that long before the 2 months right? Or did you? Did you already have sex or do such things by now? I just wouldn't trust him myself now and it would take him a long time to rework the right to me (if I were you lol) if ever.

    Kinda how I am with girls too. If they break up with me, whatever the reason (because I'd never do anything so horrible to cheat or so where I would have no right to complain about them breaking up), I tend to never have the same level of trust for them again and thus wouldn't give them another chance. I don't care how much they claimed to have learned their lesson or so, if the trust just isn't there anymore then there's no hope for a truly strong relationship in the future.

    But ya, if you really do want to be with him still it's possible, but since he claims his ex was controlling and so then it's best to just let him be. I mean, clearly you've shown you're really concerned and care about him asking his mom about it (and likely she'll relay that in some way to him) so don't push it anymore, just focus on yourself and school and other things. If he never comes back or if you find someone new before he does, his loss and maybe he'll learn and grow up from it.

    • Still wouldn't trust him tbh.

    • Show All
    • lol yeah this guy has been trolling every single question I've been asking for awhile, and it has been getting old!

    • They need to fix this site so if you block someone you are automatically put on that person's block list too. Basically you shouldn't be allowed to talk on their question/comments being a p****.

  • I was looking for an answer like 'No...don't have to explain'...but couldn't find it.

    "This week he had one of his supervisors get him in trouble and it really crushed his ego."

    That doesn't really make sense. Why he voluntarily go to his supervisor and ask his supervisor to get him into trouble?

    • Politics..

    • No, he work supervisor made a pretty embarrassing video of all the things that he and his team are doing wrong and as the team leader it made him look bad. She sent the video to everyone on his team, including his other bosses. He said it made him feel incapable of handling his team.

    • She wrote it incorrectly, and that's all there is to it.

  • There's likely another girl. Never makes someone your priority who makes you an option. You're an attractive, young woman. Life's too short to waste time on him.

    • 100% sure there is not another girl

    • Show All
    • That is why he is being nice to you, to have sex with you when he needs it. He will tell you come over and he will say he misses you ask you how life is going, ask if you are okay. Kiss you act as your boyfriend again because he knows you are longing for that and f*** you and then go missing again. He is seeing someone else trust me. I was you 3weeks ago from a 3 month relationship

    • I agree with Amanda2 there.

  • When you love someone you want to be with him. "Need the space" looks like to me- he wants you and other girls. When you're with someone, then you have some obligation. He will not any obligations and wants more features.

  • I think if he doesn't show you that he wants you more that he really may not know what he wants then move deserve better

  • Is he saying that he wants to date other girls or no?

    • He doesn't want to date other girls... basically he just wants to hang out with his friends without feeling 'mentally' tied down. It's not like I made him check in with me or anything... if he was having a guys night, I didn't text him at all.

    • Show All
    • Thank you, I just don't know what the perfect balance of 'going with the flow' and letting things evolve and not letting myself become a booty call or something he has on the side, ya know?

    • I hear you. That's why I asked initially if he's dating other girls or if he wanted to break up to be able to do that. If that's the case, then you run the risk of being somethign on the side or a booty call. But if you're the only girl in the picture then that's not really the issue. It COULD be the case the he's genuinely shell-shocked from his previous relationship and the drama that it created. So you need to be the opposite of that. Have him associate you with fun only.

  • no way,he wants you, he probably is cheating on you and found a more hotter chick or dude

    • Is that really necessary?

  • Ill keep this simple.

    You shouldn't chase, he's tying to manipulate you. Trust me, I've done it all, played all the games.

    • lol but why?

    • Show All
    • Why does he want to see if I really care?

    • He is not trying to manipulate you, QA. This guy is a new user, don't believe him. Not all guys are manipulative, and just because this guy is, doesn't mean your boyfriend is.

  • He's crazy.

  • just because he went out with another girl before you, doesn't mean you're not the rebound. You don't get over a 5 year relationship in a few months.

    some things you should consider are:

    he's most likely not over his ex

    he's probably confused about his feelings for you and his ex

    maybe he's interested in someone else

    maybe he's thinking about getting back together with his ex

    him calling you and keeping the fb relationship status the same is a good sign, it means it's not really over.

    you should just give him time and stop worrying about things. keep doing what you're doing, because it seems to be working. he's the one initiating the conversations, keep it short and let him realize for himself that you're the one he wants

    • He's over his ex... they fell out of love with each other and were only together out of pure convenience because her mom was dying. With that train of thought, he doesn't have any feelings for his ex besides the ones that make him afraid of a relationship. I don't think he's interested in anyone else either because he has told me bluntly that he's not and he hasn't lied to me yet so I believe him. He texted me today saying that I'm awesome for being an understanding and patient person and thinks

    • that I'm a special person. That's good right? I'm just kinda thrown off because he used the word 'person' and not 'girl' so it seems like I'm in the friend zone? idk...

    • hmm all I'm saying is that there's no point in worrying about it, it's beyond your control. everybody that's gotten dumped has gone through the same thing. you just have to let it ride because only time will tell. you thinking about it won't change how he feels, you worrying about it won't make him come back... all I can recommend is that you don't continue acting like his girlfriend or else he will never realize what he's losing.

  • My girlfriend (of two and a half years) recently fed me a line of sh*t just like this.She told me that she still loved me, but that she didn't want a relationship right now. She wants to enjoy her life without having to worry about someone else's feelings (or having to answer to someone).

    She was also in a long term relationship, and had a rebound in between him and me.

    I found out a week later that she was seeing someone else.

    • She hadn't changed our "Facebook" status either.

    • I'm so sorry that happened to you :( but I don't think that's what happened here. He finally changed the relationship status 2 days after the fact, and his mom and I have been talking over the weekend and she says that he sometimes gets like this. She told me that he really likes me and thinks I'm special and that he wants to be with me. His ex was just too self centered and demanding and he needs a mental break from 'demands' or what he feels are 'demands' for the time being.

  • No point in chasing an ex

    • By the way, dam-!

    • You're still chasin an ex, pitiful!

    • I find your status update hard to believe...didn't he JUST break up with you, to be single

  • It seems that he just need space to sort things out. If you think that you still with him in the long term, give him the time and space he wants.

  • Pull a power move. Wish him well and ignore him. We hate being ignored. He'll figure it out pretty fast.

    • And that wouldn't be seen as playing games? I'm thinking that I'm not going to initiate contact, if he wants to talk with me, he will. How long should I not initiate contact?

    • Show All
    • So far he has texted me good morning and then texted me around 5pm to wish me a good night and then texted me again at midnight to ask how my night was... I haven't replied yet.

    • He's fishing.

What Girls Said 9

  • No. Just no. 2 months is a short time to be with someone, firstly. Secondly, as many other people mentioned already, having an issue at work isn't related to breaking this off with you. You shouldn't use that to excuse him of screwing things with you. He's a grown man and he should take responsibility for his actions. I don't believe in "it's the wrong time" excuses. Nobody falls in love because they have the luxury and time to. People make relationships work because they want to. He basically figured (and DECIDED!) that he'd rather not make you a priority right now. He's taken a risk, and I think it'd be unfair to you to keep waiting around for him to make up his mind. Forget what his mom said, he's the one playing the game. And about his last girlfriend being the rebound girl, I don't agree at all. As Oracle said, multiple girls can be rebound until a guy completely gets over a girl. He clearly still isn't over his ex, and as I said already, it's unfair to you to play the game by his rules when he's not in the right state of mind to be with you and treat you well.

    Bottom line, forget about him. You deserve someone who knows what he wants. This guy clearly doesn't. He's wrong for you right now. Move on.

    • He didn't use the work excuse, I did. I'm a psychology undergrad, so I analyze people and their actions... and based on what he has told me, what his mom has told me, and how he is acting towards me, I'm right. He is stressed and blamed the newest thing in his life... our relationship. Things are working out though, we have plans to hang out tomorrow and talk things through.

  • I don't know whether or not you guys will get back together, but I think you would have a better chance by being respectful toward his wishes.

    I don't think you should play games or be manipulative - I can't see how that would benefit your relationship in the future. He's being honest with you about how he feels, which is better than him sticking this out and making you suffer for the sins of his past GFs.

    I would take him at his word and think of this as a break he needs to sort things out and hope for the best.

    Best of luck.

  • before you go into relatinships, you should make sure the person is mentally and emotionally ready, no baggage. Don't go into a relationship just for a title and you think its gonna be like a fairytaile like how disney movies depict relationships. Because the reality is, relationships are a mental thing that both partners have to be prepared for. a person can be hurting inside and they think that if they find somone new then they willl become happy again but that is not the case, they are not really deeply in love with you because they haven't figured out how to love themselves first. and they still carry scars.

    If I were you I would just forget this guy. don't go back to him either because he was useing you to feel his void and it eneded up breaking your heart. See this expirence as a lesson and next time before you decide to go into a relationship, choose a guy who actually wants to be a good boyfriend to you and not a guy who just feels lonely or just wants sex.

    • Yeah, we did rush into it. I did ask him specifically if he was ready for commitment and he thought he was at the time, but realized he wasn't. It took a lot of balls to tell me his feelings like he did.

  • be careful about this, if you don't want to be a frined with bennefits then do not be a friends with bennifits. You two are just friends right now so do not do girlfriend things for a guy you are not in a relationship with. I think you should have said something to him when he called you babe and make sure you two have an understanding of where you are. He might not want anything serious but you do, so do not settle for that when you can still meet a guy who does want you as a girlfriend. Keep your options open unless he is willing to be your boyfriend.

    • dont end up being used for emotional support, and don't end up being used for sex. Do not end up buying him things either. thoes are really big mistakes because sometimes girls wants to be with a guy so bad that they think they can win him over by giving him sex or buying him things or being the shoulder to cry on but in reality, you can be the best woman in the world but a man is not gonna care or appreciate it untill he is ready to, you can't make him. A man should earn thoes things from you and

    • and if he wants you as his girlfriend then he will work hard to make you his girlfriend. Don't be a pushover girl, and don't let a guy use you

    • Yes thank you, this is the new concern. We are more than friends... technically we are dating without the labels, and I'm not sure if we are exclusive or not but it sucks being in the grey zone. It's a tough balance between sticking up for myself and being 'light' and drama free. I might just create a new question to get some more opinions :)

  • I don't pretend to be an expert on guys but I think whether you get back together or not has a lot to do with you know. From my limited experience, chasing a guy NEVER works. Trying to reason why you are good for him also never works. What tends to work is showing him that you are OK without but still want to be with him. But that I mean don't ice him out or don't act like you are sad about the break (that will only make you seem clingy or controlling to him) show him that you can roll with the punches sort to speak. You are basically showing him that you don't need to be in control. By stepping back and letting him take the lead (at least for now) you are allowing him to work out his own issues and if he really does want to be with you and he's just scared he'll deal with that.

    • I'm not chasing after him by any means... if you saw the update he initiated contact with me 4 times yesterday after I wasn't responding because I was working. That says something right?

    • So true, I did that to my ex, he just move further away. I am glad I am moving on

  • Lol, I am sorry to laugh but three weeks ago I was in the same boat. I was devasted and I couldn't eat, I had anxiety.

    Let me tell you this, he is probably seeing someone else he wants to pursue and is using this lame excuse. Same thing my ex did. This sincere part about he cares, sorry to hurt you blah blah blah. He is just trynna manipulate you.

    Take my advice by all means DO NOT contact him, for at least 2 weeks. If he calls do not answer tell him you need your space.

    He has other intention and he doesn't want to feel 100% guilty that is why he is pretending to be sincere.

    He will ell you that you are beautiful, strong, you will get through this. He just doesn't think that your chemistry matches with his. Do not answer, do not contact him

    Add me if you wish

    • I read some of your other comments and just because it is a similar situation, does not mean it's the same situation. We are not sleeping together and we have been very clear on this issue that we won't sleep together until we are officially back together. I am 100% positive that he is not seeing someone else.

    • Show All
    • Yeah, that's what it was at first but after talking the past couple of days he has realized he doesn't want me to leave his life. So we are going to just go with the flow for right now! :) Good luck with your dating situation! All of these crappy dating experiences are learning experiences so we can learn what we will put up with and what we won't. Also it will allow us to appreciate a good man, for when he does come along :)

    • I agree all the best

  • well your back together so I'm sure my opinion doesn't matter... but I think its obvious he was just extremely stressed and not feeling good about himself... and if he didn't like himself for a time he didn't want to put that on someone he cares about and he didn't want you to see that side of him. just keep in mind why he didn't like his old relationship and make sure you continue to give him his space if he needs it.

  • No chance. You're pretty off focusing your energy on someone else

  • its a fresh relationships jut let things ride out and don't worry to much, maybe you two will rekindle things, maybe not..