The girlfriend started to become more of a jerk... why?

My girlfriend, and myself have been together for a little over 7 months now. Everything has been amazing, and we both seem to get along quite well. We've been working so hard as of recent. That we even planned to go out of town in two weeks to get away, and just do a couples get away.

It seemed to be as a healthy relationship should, until the last two weeks. For some odd reason she had begun to become more selfish, and angry towards doing things for others. I've always tried to be a work in progress for being a better person then I currently am. With this, I've spent the last month teaching Sunday school, and this is where things seemed to go down hill.

My Saturday nights use to be spent going out late, and waking up to hangout and attend the afternoon service at church. This had to change for me to have the ability to teach Sunday school, and I've never turned down my girlfriend for going out with friends or held her back from doing so, but I do try to be back before one to make sure I am rested for the next day.

The first week caused issues as she wanted me to stay out late with her friends, but I had to leave early due to teaching Sunday school. This did not go over smoothly, and she calmed down eventually. Although she let that one go. She made a sly comment a week later about her ex boyfriend not being free on Saturday's, and this being the reason to why he is an ex. This startled me, but I let it go in hopes that it was a joke.

Now, we are coming up to this weekend, and she wants to spend time doing things that she wants to do. Which is quite fine, and I asked her what she cared to do. Seeing a movie was relatively fine with her, and she chose the movie, but when mentioning times to where we can go. She became angry towards the idea of not being able to go late Saturday. I nicely tried to tell her that I have plans that night, and would love to go earlier or Friday night, but this just did not seem right with her.

She stated that she also wanted to go to the gym, and workout together on Saturday morning. Though I did not truly want to go. I went ahead during my lunch today, and told her we can go in the morning as she requested. Unexpectedly, she became angry, and said that she will sleep in as late as she wants.

Now we are to the point to where I am honestly unaware of the reasoning. I've studied Psychology for quite a few years, and even that doesn't truly point to anything beyond that her insecurities are growing, or it's possibly a disorder to which can relate to many other things. As to me... I'm not thinking it's chemically related, but would like some additional input. Any takers?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) Have you ever had a situation before this incident where she did not get what she wanted, or is this the first time? She might have what I call "the princess complex", which means she feels entitled to get what she wants because she's magnificent and she deserves for you to fall in line.

    2) You're changing. You are bringing good things into your life by teaching Sunday school and for-going the late night hangouts. She may feel that you are beginning to leave her behind because you are changing and that somehow you are better than her now. I know that you don't feel that way (and it sounds like you treat her really well) but I've noticed that with couples if one partner changes and starts having other interests outside of the relationship or changing their routine, the other partner becomes increasingly selfish and angry.

    3) Sometimes we react to situations when they mirror something from our pasts. Maybe the ex started not being able to hang out with her on Saturday nights and then he slowly stopped being able to hang out with her at all. She may be going into defense mode and try to stop it from happening again i.e she doesn't want you to be like her ex. It would feel safer to her if you no longer taught Sunday school. She may feel you would rather spend time with those kids then her.

    I personally think that it is theory 3.

    My suggestion: Talk to her. Ask her, "do you think that by me teaching Sunday school that it means that I don't want to spend that time with you and your friends? I don't want you to be angry, but this is never going to be resolved unless you tell me what is wrong. Whatever it is, I will understand."

    I wish you luck!

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    • I believe you're right about number 3. The other two are valid answers, but three suits it well. I'll do exactly as you stated; as it sounds like a perfect executable plan. Thanks!

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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems that she got the message that you've stopped hanging out with her, that's why she's always angry. She's having some issues with your relationship, perhaps the effect from her previous ones.

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