How close is too close?

How close is too close with your other half having opposite sex friends?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for half a year. Ever since meeting he has stayed at mine every night. I have trust in him yet my most recent past relationship was emotionally abusive and my ex cheated on me a few times. I gathered the strength to leave and worked on healing myself. When I met my boyfriend I told him about my ex and how it was hard for me to trust someone.

Now my boyfriend has a lot, and I mean a lot of girl mates. Whenever we're out there's usually a couple that come up to him and say hi. He tells them I'm his girlfriend yet after that I'm basically ignored for the next few minutes of them talking. There's only ever been one who made an effort to talk to me, find out about me and I am happy with them two hanging out without me as I have total faith in them just being friends.

I guess I'm feeling insecure with the other girls as they don't include me. Yet I've tried telling him this and he brushes it off and says what is he meant to do. Which I agree he can't make them talk. But he doesn't bring me into the conversation either.

Now last time we were out together, he actually left me and a friend I was with to go and hang around with a girl mate of his. He disappeared for over an hour, I never saw them once in the club (it has 3 floors yet I moved regularly between them). Eventually he came over to me, but she turns up a few min later with a few of her mates and they seem to form a circle leaving me and my friend out. They were putting arms round each other 'dancing'. When I spoke to him about his long disappearance he said she was talking to him about boyf troubles.

I felt really put out and uncomfortable with this whole situation, especially since he announced he was hanging with her over me that night - he invited me out to begin with.

Also the next day I came home from work and he had been whatsapping a girl, the next day he'd deleted every message in his whatsapp.

Should I be aware and worried? Or am I having my past insecurities creep up on me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • My ex is an events organiser/musician. He was constantly surrounded by girls especially models. I trusted him enough to not check his phone and FB. He really did love me (he still wants me back but I've moved on) but I can't say for sure he didn't do anything behind my back. See, like in your case, he did introduce you as his girlfriend to them. So did my ex. I just felt socially awkward because I'm not used to his crowd of friends. I also only like the ones who tried to include me in. The rest, I felt were after his social connection. I understood it because it's his line of work and we were together for a very long time but the chemistry faded as he got busier, spent less time together and more time at the studio/travelling/entertaining clients etc. oh, his phone was constantly buzzing with messages which he claims were from his client. I got tired of it and realize we weren't compatible afterall. We focus on different goals and our priorities were not in sync. What I'm trying to say here is, at the end of it, it boils down to what you want in a guy. If you feel like you can't fit in, it might be a problem down the line.

    Now imagine this, among those girls, there's bound to be a few who likes taking snapshots of them at a party together. They post it up and tag him on fb.To people who know you but not so well, they are wondering if you are both still together. I only found out about this after the breakup when certain friends said they were asked by people if me and my ex were still together because they saw his FB pictures with 'models'. Can you deal with that?

    Your relationship is still new. Talk with him about your insecurities and get an understanding of what to expect from now on if you really love him but be honest and tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe he can't change himself socially because he's like that (I'm sure this is why you fell for him to begin with) so try to meet at a middle ground. Tell him how you'd like him to acknowledge your presence once in awhile if he's stuck in a group for example. Well, you know what you want. If its not working out for you, get out now. All the best.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You really should be worried. You're always left out, and you're ignored. You are always pushed to outside of his social circle. Perhaps, you could be sociable as well. Try to get to know her girl friends better.


What Girls Said 2

  • Yes, you have every right to be worried. It might have been friendship in the beginning but it feels like he's investing more time into her, and being secretive about it too. What puzzles me is why he went to hang out with her when he'd already made plans with you, he should have rescheduled with her or at least brought you along.

    However, don't get paranoid right away. I don't think he may necessarily be cheating right now, so don't accuse him of anything until you've got proof. What I would do is try to implicate yourself more with his friends. Make your presence known and be active in the conversation even if they try to leave you out. That way, they'll know you're sociable; you may even make a new friend. And if one of them has got an eye on your man, then being more conversational will show them you aren't a pushover and that you're marking your territory. If you just stand by and let them exclude you, believe me, they WILL take advantage and try to flirt with him, and your boyfriend may fall for it as he will see the thrill in the chase.

  • yes you are right to worry, he is clearly flaunting girls in your face and doing who knows what behind your back,I don't believe that girl he disappeared with was as innocent as he made it out to be,he sounds like a player ,an insecure dude has to have the attention of many women and they end up cheating,u should let him go before he hurts you more


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