My boyfriend is separated, how do I get him to push the divorce?

He wanted a divorce but let her file to save her pride a little. She did but now has changed her mind. She is playing the guilt card with the kids. He has his own apartment and spends a good deal of time with me. She is pushing for family counseling saying it's for the kids. He is begging me to be patient. How do I get him to push the divorce...or at least tell me if he is considering working it out with her? (I am 46, he is 52 and she is 51...too old for games.)
Updates:
I did not know he was married until eight months after we met. She called me just after I found out. She wanted info against him for the divorce. She told me she had known about me for months and the marriage had been over for a long time. She didn't change her mind until recently. I am not a homewrecker. I would have left him had she not told me it was over.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You dodnt know he was married? wow he's a jerk then. if he was that dishonest to omit really large info like BEING MARRIED then you have to wonder what else he is lying about. you can't trust something someone like that says. everything he says must be assumed to be false and you have to go back and verify it. how sad is that to be dating someone like that? you don't want a guy you can't trust. whether the marriage was over in her eyes or not, why didn't he tell you if you were dating for 8 months? even if you werent dating and were just friends, how does a major thing like BEING MARRIED not come up in conversation?

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    • also the fact that his wife told you,he didn't ,and how did she get your number? he must be over his wifes house as well,i believe he wants them both or he wouldn't need you to push him into anything

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What Guys Said 2

  • Simple, ask him straight up about what his intentions are with his wife and don't let him weasel his way out of the answer. If any part of his answer doesn't sit well with you, dump his ass. Next question.

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  • Just force him. Tell him that you won't be moving things forward with him if he can't get the divorce filed.

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What Girls Said 4

  • that's why you should never date a married man,separated or not he is still married,u can not push him to do anything he has to decide what he wants, he may want you both.In any case I would not date him until he has made his decision and divorces her..you are in a love triangle right now, but I blame you for the most part,u knew he was married and got involved anyways..good luck with this.

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    • Actually, I did not know he was married when I met him. I dated him for eight months before I knew. She found out about me at the same time...we talked and she told me the marriage had been over for a long time and they had talked divorce but just hadn't filed. That is the truth of it. It was until recently that she changed her mind.

    • the fact that he kept that important fact from you is a lie.I would not even continue being w someone who lied like that,and if he kept that truth from you what else is he keeping from u,there has to be a reason she changed her mind suddenly, if they haven't been together in a long time she would agree ,I think he is still hiding things from u,like the truth.

  • 8 months you say?! Lady, this guy is not going to get his divorce for being with you. It will last and last. If man meets the right woman then he doesn't start his relationship with lies. I am sorry, but you can't waste you time. Think about it.

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  • lol he's not leaving them. if he wanted to divorce her...he's a man...he would have done it by now. so you need to decide if you're capable of stayin in your lane...as a mistress... or not.

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  • You should really reconsider dating him, but if not tread carefully. Damn near every cheating married man plays that whole "i'm separated and I wanna leave her but [insert excuse]". Sad truth is, you have no idea what's going on behind your back. I thought this guy was separated and was gonna leave his wife, turns out he just wanted affairs on the side and was never gonna leave her! matter of fact they were still technically together, she just moved out to be with family. so just because he lives alone still doesn't mean much.

    if you have to wait on the sidelines until another woman gets out of the way, that should be a huge sign that you shouldn't be in the relationship. if you decide to ignore this advice and give him the benefit of the doubt just be careful and know there is a high chance of you being hurt.

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