How do I spare him temporarily?

I've decided to break up with my boyfriend of 4 months. He's a great guy, and goes out of his way for me but I think he's too much some times. We both have really important exams in 2 weeks, and he has a potential promotion at work which he needs to "study up" for in order to have a chance at it.

I want to end things after the exams and he is promoted. How should I do it? Should I just end things now instead? If not should I still show him affection so he doesn't think anything is wrong and can still stay focused? I was thinking about still calling him babe and showing him that I care, but I'm worried it'll back fire. He is making plans involving the two of us but he would need to purchase tickets for these plans. Should I agree to go and just pay him back after? Since I'm sure after the break up he won't want me to go anymore.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why women are determined to end relationships with guys they describe as "great guys" is something I will never entirely understand...

    Is it because there's no challenge in the relationship anymore? Or because you're sure there must be someone better out there for you?

    If I were the "great guy", I would want to know the reason. I would want to know what I did wrong. Thinking that I did something wrong, or that you simply just got bored of me one day, would hurt the most. More than the actual break-up itself.

    If you want to make it easier on him, you owe it to him to explain as logically and clearly why you want to break-up. Don't lie and pretend everything is fine until the moment is right, and drop a bomb.

    What you instead want to do is slowly but confidently pull away from him. Start by telling him to cancel the plans and not to purchase those tickets. You don't have to tell him why right now. Just tell him that you're having mixed feelings about going, and while you're extremely flattered by his thoughtfulness, you don't want him to waste the effort or money on the trip while you're not sure if you can go.

    Tell him that his exams and promotion are what should be most important to him now. If he starts to grow concerned that he is going to lose you, tell him that you have some things you want to discuss him when the time is right, but they're not important now and he should be focusing on the promotion instead.

    This is how you can be supportive of him without lying to him, and leading him to believe everything is alright.

    • She meant he's a great guy, but not for her.

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    • I would try to assert yourself a little more. Remember that guys are terrible mind readers. Definitely do not go on the trip with him. Tell him that it's not the right time. I think you are maybe also assuming that he won't accept a relationship with you on your terms, but if he really wants to be in a relationship with you, he should accept whatever terms you want to give him.

      Tell him he's a great guy, but he has to accept you the way you come.

    • And actually, it's okay to tell him that he's trying too hard. You have nothing to lose by being bluntly honest with him, since you're at the point where you're considering breaking up anyway.

      And he should be busy too, if he has that promotion to worry about. Remind him that this should be his top priority and you want to see him succeed, but that you are also very busy.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You should end things now. Don't wait until you become too attached to him that you'll reverse your decision.


What Girls Said 2

  • if he's great why are you breaking up?

    • I pretty much posted the answer to that in mark's reply, but I also feel he's been more needy lately. I haven't been able to go out with him for the past month because of school, nor have we studied together (which he saw as "spending time" since we couldn't go out). He's been getting more and more annoyed and it's becoming an issue that we constantly fight over.

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    • like he can have a normal relationship with me. It's true that I'm always busy and can't really make him a priority. He did mention that he misses how things were during break and when we "Were close." Thinking back, all he really wants is for me to open up and give him a real chance (hard for me to do, I've been treated like crap and cheated on in the past)

    • right, I understand but its not his fault you were treated like crap. as far as things go a guy caring about is not really break up material.

      its worth mentioning its only been twice?-- hardly 'constant'. I think in a relationship like with anything it takes a while to change.

      if he's wiling to work on it don't dump him unless you really dislike him, Or you'll always have a problem when busy.

      explain you care for him. be open when you are with him. insist he respects your space when you are not.

  • All's fair in love and war.

    You owe him nothing xxx

    You'll always find a reason to not dump him so just dump him. x

    Life throws alsorts at ya and you just gotta roll with it.

    • War is very nasty, and often causes people to act immorally, because they feel they have no choice. Just because many people treat love the same way, doesn't make it right. Unlike war, with love, you do have a choice how to treat people.

    • It's an old saying and one that is true.

      Love can be just as nasty as war. Hearts break either way.