Should I send a letter to my ex?

I'm considering sending a letter to my ex. We broke up 2 months ago after being together for 5 years.

I was very upset when he ended things, but now I'm quite okay about it and have realized that I have also needed some time for my self. That's what I want to tell him in the letter. I want to apologize for making it so difficult for him, when he broke up and tell him that I don't blame him for anything or hold a grudge. I want to tell him what I think went wrong between us and admit the mistakes that I have made. I kind of lost my self in our relationship and wasn't really happy for a long time. That's part of the reason why I think I need this time apart from him plus we also need to grow on our own outside of our relationship.

Do you think it's a terrible idea for me to send this letter? I don't expect anything from sending it, but I just want to clear the air and maybe make him feel less guilty and share some of my thoughts with him. But I don't want to make my chances of getting back together with him somewhere down the line worse by sending him this letter.

I'm the type of girl who likes to send letters and also sent letters to the two flings I had before I met my ex. He knows that, and might be wondering why I haven't written one to him.

It should also be said that my ex started seeing someone new 3-4 weeks after our break-up, but he has told me that they are not a couple (yet). But I don't know if it will seem desperate/weird of me to send him a letter when he is with someone new and has made it clear he doesn't want any contact with me (at least not for now)?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • From my experience, guys usually mean what they say. So it would be a bad idea to send him this letter now since he said he doesn't want contact.

    How long since he told you he doesn't want you to contact him, though? I'd suggest waiting 2 months at the very least before attempting to communicate with him.

    If he hasn't contacted you by the end of that you can send the letter--as long as you're sure you aren't expecting anything good to come from it. Be sure you're prepared to handle whatever disappointments you may have to face. I think it's important to make it clear to him that you're not expecting anything to happen, and that you just wanted to explain your thoughts and feelings to him. Otherwise he might feel pressured, and that won't make things better.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Also, if he doesn't respond to your letter, don't communicate with him again. It may mean he's not ready to talk to you yet. Wait for him to contact you.

    • He told me about 3 weeks after we broke up, so more than a month ago. Since then we have only had contact regarding bills and mail (we lived together). I've met him 2 times randomly, but he made it clear he didn't want to talk to me then either. Last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago and I asked if he wanted for us to stay in touch and become friends (he's been unclear about this since we broke up). He said we have to wait and see, but that he thinks it might be too awkward.

    • But thanks for your advice. I think it's a good idea to wait for a while if I decide to send it and to be prepared for "the worst" and also to explain that I don't expect anything from him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Some years ago I dated someone that didn't work out. I ended things - not cruelly or hatefully, just decisively. After I thought all of the smoke had cleared, a delivery person brought a dozen long stemmed roses to my place of work one evening. I was so freaked out I almost couldn't breathe. I thought "what's next, the pet rabbit cooking on the stove at home?" a la Fatal Attraction.

    Write your letter and then take it outdoors and burn it. You've made peace with yourself and he's obviously getting along with his own life, the best you could do by sending it is to make him think there's an open door waiting for him, the worst, well, he could really take it the wrong way. I've always written love letters, never after-action reports. Love letters won't usually come back to haunt you.

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    • I get what you mean. He might feel it would be annoying or creepy to hear from me again, when he has just started thinking that it is finally over. He has made it clear he doesn't want to be with me, at least not for now, and there is nothing I can do to change that.

      I guess I just have this romantic idea that it's somewhat different with me and him because we were together for 5 years and were really, really close. But I guess that might just be na?ve.

    • Doesn't that suck? You invested 5 years of your life into someone that just one day decided they wanted to pursue someone else. I do know how you feel, all of us think that we've got something special - and it is special, but just to us, not necessarily the other person. There really are no guarantees.

      I don't want to sound like your mom, but I think the old way of showing that a guy is serious is still true-when he offers you a rock that cost him a lot, then you can be somewhat confident.

  • After 5 years, it wouldn't be out of line to send a letter telling him how you feel. You have so many memories together.

    And he should know that you've made peace with the idea of being apart, and aren't going to contnue to harass him or try to argue about it. He'll be happy to know that you also have realized that need this time apart to find yourself.

    I don't think the letter will cause him to change his mind, in the short term, but it's something he hopefuuly will keep for a long time, to remind him of what you had together.

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    • So did you send it and how did he react?

    • I didn't send it (boring answer, I know). I don't think I would have regretted it now if I had, but the way things turned out, I'm pleased with the fact that I didn't (even though I don't know how things would have turned out if I did).

  • Don't send a letter to your ex. Don't ever get back with your ex. You'll just end up being hurt again.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Write your letter for yourself but don't give it to him.

    He didn't want to be with you and won't care how you feel now that you've had time to reflect on the situation.

    Would you want someone you broke up with to keep contacting you? LIkely not!

    Just leave it!

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  • no don't send it to him,its not going to change anything..he broke up with you so even if you acted out at that time,u had every right,you were hurt and have nothing to apologize for.You can do what I did,write the letter but don't send it.

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  • Yeah, if he asked to be left alone, that's what you gotta do. I get where you are coming from and it's a nice thought, but... just leave it alone. It's better that way. That way nothing you do can be misconstrued, right?

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  • Sounds like a cool idea

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  • Honestly if he doesn't want you anymore, you gotta leave him be

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  • Write the letter and then don't send it. He asked you for no contact and it would be disrespectful to ignore his wishes.

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