Here's an interesting one, how do I know he's being honest and upfront?

So, I have been on dating sites for well over 4 years and I was contacted by a guy that was patiently waiting for me to respond to him. The reason I didn't was because it just seemed too good to be true. He's got the whole package that I'm looking for. We started just chatting over the course of one month and recently have been starting to hang out and we did sleep together after our 3rd date, but he has been from flirtatious and "I want you" to "I don't know what I want, I really like you and I like to spend time with you, but I wanna take things slow." Now the texts are awkward (in my opinion) and he's backing off of me, not in a "I don't hear from him for days" but in body language and in the way he will send me texts and the way he will talk to me. I'm the "Guns and Ammo" in the relationship and I am just learning that there is such a thing as actual romance, which he has his moments, and he's the "Roses and Chocolates" in the relationship. Yes, we are an hour away from the other, and I do the commute alone and I am the one wearing the pants in the relationship. I'm paying for everything and doing all of the driving (mostly because I don't like to owe anyone anything). I'm also a published author and he did get my book (I signed it on our first 'date') and he started to read it, but hasn't gotten through it (it's been almost a month) he says "I just haven't been in a reading mood." Also, he did get out a a recent relationship (she left him, now wants him back he and I are 4 1/2 years apart I'm 22 he's 27, the ex is 19) and I am wondering if I'm just the friend now or if I need to stay. I've never really seen anything go anywhere with anyone else that I have ever dated before and this one has been causing me to think ahead and I could actually see he and I going somewhere, but I am doubtful with these major details above. Also, the affections are becoming less and less (there were more 'romantic moments and gestures', mostly because he's touchy-feely and I'm shy in the matters of affection due to abuse in the past) but for example, we were in the car going to the trails we hike at and he sat with his fingers laced together in his lap and made no move to touch me and he was leaning away from me and toward the door. I need someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong or if me waiting around for something that will never happen (and I do mean this is my last shot with trying to have a relationship because I'm getting too damn old for this sh*t!) and should go on with my life and enjoy the little time (yeah, I do believe that life is too short and I would like to actually have something to be happy about!) I have left with my close friends and family? He has told me recently "We aren't even together, you're free to see whoever you want" when he knows I don't see anyone else then will get upset when I say "Are you seeing anyone else?" He says, "I talk to you everyday, when do I have time for another?" Please someone help me out! I'm at my wits end!
I have also deleted my dating profiles since he and I have been seeing each other.
When I mention the change of tones I mean:

He starts with complements: "Hey/Morning beautiful" to "Hey/Morning"

He isn't teasing me as much: "Silly girl :p" to "So...what's up?"

He will still ask where I am if I don't respond after a good while: ":( Where did you go?" or "Whatcha dooooin?"

He'll be quiet and distant, then again I do it too! (I'm not perfect, I know this!
I have just found out that he is still using the dating site and that he is still getting messages that he is reading instead of deleting the app from his phone. I recently snapped at him and tried (I failed) to put myself in the 'friend zone' with him, but he claims to me that he likes me more than that, but he doesn't want anything serious and wants to take things really slow, but I'm Irish and I do wear a claugddagh that he refuses to turn.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Relationships should be give and take. When one person gives more than the other, it causes that person to doubt their partner's value of the relationship. Communication is key.

    Lastly, stop wearing the pants in the relationship. Allow him the option to pursue you and prove to you it's you that he wants to be with, by way of his effort to be in a relationship with you.

    In other words, let him come to you and pay for some of the dates. Relationships should be give and take. When one person is giving more than the other it causes them to doubt their partner's value of the relationship.

    He'll appreciate you more, and you will have you answer .


What Girls Said 1

  • u should have went with your first impression,too good to be true? because it ain't true..u already know the answer,u want him more than he wants you and now that the ex is in the picture and you are an hour away and paying for everything,he won't make an effort because he hasn't got any investment in u..u are investing in a bad return..let him be,if he comes to u,its one thing,if you have to do most of it,its one sided.Maybe he didn't finish the book because it was boring to hjim and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings


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