What is and isn't cheating?

A while back I commented on the disastrous consequences of affairs and suggested the use of escorts would be an alternative that could save an otherwise good relationship. The responses were heavily negative. At the same time other activities slipped under the radar. Both guys and gals please comment on what is and is not okay when you're in a relationship.

Strip clubs and lapdances. This one surprised me because the girls that were most negative on the escort issue were okay with this because it wasn't sex Strip club lap dances result in the same physical conclusion.

Anything that happens at a bachlor or bachlorette party doesn't count.

Massage parlor happy endings. This is not just a guy thing either.

So what are your thoughts?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Cheating is anything you wouldn't want your partner to know about, or wouldn't do in front of them. It's that simple.

    Some women would freak out if their guy went to a strip club, and other women would hand him a stack of $1 bills and say "have a good time!" It's up to every couple to define the boundaries of THEIR relationship as they see fit, and then to stay within those boundaries. IMO, if you can't stay inside the boundaries that you agreed to, then you shouldn't be with that person, because you aren't compatible with them.

    A big part of this is honesty. If you feel you HAVE to sleep around to be happy, you need to be honest about that with your SO. Sure, that's a deal-breaker for most women, but there ARE women who can accept that, and you'll need to work to find one. It's NOT okay to lie and say that you'll be faithful if you have no intention to be. That shows a huge lack of integrity.

    You talk about an "otherwise good relationship." Aside from a serious medical condition or something like that, if you aren't getting enough sex at home, your relationship is NOT "otherwise good". Women lose their sex drive in a relationship when something ELSE is wrong; usually because they feel that they aren't important to you anymore, and that you aren't giving them the attention that they need. It's not always about quantity of attention either, it may be about QUALITY of attention. In a healthy relationship, most women WANT sex, a lot. If your woman doesn't, then you need to look elsewhere for the problem, and it shouldn't be too hard to find.


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • "If you're trying to hide something, you're cheating"

    - Dr. Phil

  • Talking to other girls in more than a casual way. No flirting, checking other girls out, p*rn, strip clubs (with the exception of friend's parties) kissing, or anything more. Talking with other girl just as a friend is fine, anything more is not.


What Guys Said 8

  • Well if the husband can do these three things:-

    1. allow the lap dance and the visit to the strip club to be just a fun night out, not become routine, and allow it to happen without it leading to an irrepressible urge to bang the sexy dancer

    2. Allow the wife to enjoy male strippers every once in a while if she so pleases

    3. Not visit strip clubs and have lap dances without the wife knowing. In other words she should know and consent to him doing this.

    If he can do these three things the yeah maybe it will work. The first point could be very hard to achieve though.

    What I think is that if the husband feels the need to do so, he should be able to watch p*rn, and cam girls every once in a while... And I don't know I think the wife should still know and say "okay", maybe even enjoy with him sometimes.

    I personally think that p*rn, cam girls and strip clubs are not technically cheating, but shouldn't really be kept hidden as a secret from the wife because then it is kind of cheating in its own way.

    Real, actual cheating is anything that includes actual sex, that is if the relationship is not open, in which case its not cheating its an open relationship.

  • My .02 cents:

    Physical cheating-

    Sex- any form


    Inappropriate touching (fondling, groping)

    Emotional cheating-

    Thinking of someone else other than your significant other

    Spending unuasal amount of time with someone of the opposite sex

    Texting/ messaging someone just as much as your significant other


    Accepting inappropriate behavior from others

    Gray areas (up for debate)-

    Strip clubs

    Dancing at parties with others (griding for instance)



  • Doing anything sexual with someone you're not in a relationship with.

    The under the radar one's are emotional cheating.

    Emotional cheating:

    -Show him/her you're attracted to them

    -Behave to attract someone


    -Being in love with an ex but still talking/hanging with them

  • There is no specific definition - it all depends on the couple. I haven't ever discussed what my girlfriend would consider cheating, I just think "If she did that, would I be fine or would I be jealous, upset or loose trust?". If I wouldn't be fine with her doing it then I won't do it. Another way to define it is if I feel I can't tell her about it, then I don't think I should be doing it. I went to a strip club the other week with friends and I later told her and had a laugh about it. With my ex I wouldn't have dared tell her and I would have really objected to going or felt very guilty about going. So it really very much depends on how you both see things like that.

  • Cheating is everything you wouldn't do if your partner was standing next to you.

  • if you're hiding the truth about something you did from a partner because you know they'll think you've crossed that line, you've cheated on them. in different relationships, where that line is will be different, and so there is no fixed cut-off point. whether your actions count as cheating depend on the context of the relationship.

    in my relationship, for example, strip clubs are acceptable providing she knows I'm going, are part of a group social event (such as a bachelor party) rather than an individual thing, and don't involved private rooms etc. in other relationships, the "rules" are different.

  • going to a strip club and getting a lap dance is NOT cheating?

    okay then...

  • Cheating is when there's an intercourse.


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