What do you think about a girl who "needs some time"?

My fiance and I just split up. I was devastated. She still texts me sometimes when she's drunk. When I talk to her the next day she says "I can't do us right now". She's made it very clear that we more than likely will get back together but she doesn't expect me to wait for her. I love this girl more than anything, that's why I gave her a big fat rock. The problem is, I don't want to be waiting in the wings at her convenience. I do want to get back together but that seems kind of sh*tty. A little additional info. I'm 33, not terribly attractive and only 5'2''. Don't confuse that with a lack of confidence, I've dated some beautiful women, but it definitely cuts my options. Add that to the fact that I'm terribly picky and that cuts my options even more. This girl is a real catch and I may never find another one like her. Do I bite my lip and just take it or tell her to get bent?
Updates:
We broke up because she has a sixteen year old daughter that she promised she wouldn't move out of the her school district. We live 45 min apart and living together isn't really an option right now. We just never see each other. She needs to focus on her kid right now, I get that. If her kid wasn't the most important person in her life, I wouldn't be attracted to her. She thinks when the kid goes to college things will be different and she can come move here with me, that was always the plan

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I kind of agree with what everyone else is saying. You don't fix a relationship by 'taking a break'. You fix a relationship by working on the problems and trying to overcome them. Now I can certainly understand if she has something she is trying to work on, that would be a legitimate reason.

    But to me it sounds like she is indifferent towards you. She texts you when she's drunk, but when she's sober it's "I can't do us right now". Not very convincing for someone who you would hope wants to marry you.

    I know that you think this girl is a catch, but honestly, the indifference she is showing you should be a huge red flag. IMO she is not someone who at this point is ready to get married to you.

    I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy I thought was a catch. He was handsome, funny, and incredibly laid back. However, like your lady, he was very indifferent. It was okay at first, as I understood that not everyone moves at the same pace. However, after 2 years of being together I realized that I had to make a decision. I wanted someone who wanted to be with me. Not someone who would look around, shrug their shoulders and say "okay, I guess this is the best I can do for right now".

    Her actions to me don't sound like she is too overly thrilled to have been engaged to you. Sounds like she is keeping her options open. I hate to say this, but that is the vibe I am getting.

    You deserve to have someone who is as crazy about you, as you are about them. Her not expecting you to wait for her sounds like she's not too bothered by the fact that she could lose you. IMO, a girl worth marrying should be devastated to not have you in her life.

    I've been dating a guy for a few months now, and I already see how much of a better relationship it is compared to what I had with the guy I dated before. Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to see things in a different light.

    Instead of worrying that you may not find someone, and latching onto this girl who is not really that invested. Try giving yourself some time to be alone with your thoughts and really analyse the relationship.

    Go out with friends, have fun and do things that you enjoy. Change up your surroundings and really see things from a different perspective. If you take some time off, reconnect with this girl and she is willing to work on things and you are convinced, then great! But if you feel that this girl isn't right for you after taking a fresh look at the situation, well then you dodged a bullet.

    Marriage is serious business, and both parties involved should be completely sure they want to go through with it. I wouldn't tell her to get bent, but maybe drop off her radar for a bit and see if she comes running. A girl worth losing will make sure she is not forgotten.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Aww sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken.

    If you believe in her and think she's actually the one, I say it's best if you contact her to talk about how you feel about her still. You two are still in contact, so why not?

    Your appearance is not really related. If she accepted you, then that's enough.

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    • I did that, that's when I got the "I can't do us right now" text. My appearance is kind of related because my options are limited. A tall dark and handsome can move on and be relatively sure there's someone else right around the corner. The fewer your options, the more you're forced to put up with.

    • I'm sure there are girls out here who love your type.

  • " but she doesn't expect me to wait for her. " I think that's her hinting you to move on without outright telling you, so that she doesn't look like "the bad guy."

    Before I say "if she really wanted to be with you, she would make the effort," what split you guys up in the first place?

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    • Okay, she has a very good reason. Her daughter comes first. However, 45 minutes? That's nothing! I had a hour drive each way to one of my ex's and it was a hassle but manageable. It's not like it's 3 hours away.

  • You can't control her emotions and feeling. You are going to HAVE to let chips fall where they may.

    I'm sorry how this went down. You have to believe there are better suited matches out there for you. Onward and upward.

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  • Honestly, I'd leave her. You don't take a break to fix problems! Do you want your wife doing that?!

    Why would she not do this every time things get hard later on in your future as well?!

    You're probably not as optionless as you think you are and really, a girl who sticks around when things get tough is more important than likely whatever you see in this girl.

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  • a confusing woman who is not sure of herself and doesn't know waht she wants in life is not a catch.

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  • Honestly, at this point in my life I'm not all that impressed with women who decide to give up on their relationships to (fill in the blank). While I'm sure that your girl has specific reasons that she can't be dating you right now, it doesn't sound like she's putting a lot of effort into making sure that you know how much she wants you to be around when she's done doing whatever she's doing. I would make sure that she's sincerely working through something and has sincere plans to come back to you as soon as she's done and that she's just not testing the waters on what her options would be like if she went back to being single while using you as her security blanket. If she really is just working through something and you express your concerns, she'll communicate more than when she's drunk and try to include you in her life in the small ways that she can. If she's testing the waters on being single and scoping out her options you deserve better and better is out there for you.

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  • She not sure of herself right now if she is not sure of herself how is she sure she loves you. Cut your loss and move on get that ring back .

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  • Number one, I saw your photos on your profile. You are attractive, and I'm sure you can get a very beautiful woman. Number two, you obviously love this girl with your whole heart, but at some point you've got to determine that you won't be walked all over. Love is a choice. She either chooses to love you or she chooses to love herself. I would tell her, "I love you, but I won't wait around for you forever for you to pick me up and drop me off at your convenience. You either decide you love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me or you don't" I would start with that.

    And by the way, don't ever stay together with someone because you think you couldn't do better...

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  • im sorry to say this, but you should move on, this "time apart" thing is just a painting covering an ugly picture

    shes trying to make you get sick of waiting and move on, I know this

    I did it before with a boyfriend of mine, I felt nothing more for him and I didn't want to hurt him, we had some time apart and then he catched on and that's how it ended, he's happy now living his life.

    we girls, when something doesn't feel right we try everything we can to avoid it or destroy it.

    I know you love her and if things don't really work then you're going to have a hard time getting over the her and not to mention the pain of heartbreak, the pain will fade and you my friend will find love again.

    things happened for a reason, you just have to keep looking until you find what really brings you joy

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  • " I do want to get back together but that seems kind of sh*tty" What do you mean? Seems like you two have bad communication and communication makes a relationship, I think you should break up with her.

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  • I will say this first: it depends on the girl.

    I have used the "need some time" line on a guy, but for good reason. Not suggesting that you did something to provoke her necessarily, but with my guy, I just woke up one day and decided that I was going to be strong and not put up with the way he had began to treat me once our relationship became long distance. I loved the guy with all my heart, but I had to do what I had to do. I wanted us to work out in the end but I wanted him to stop and appreciate our relationship a little more. I won't bore you with details, but I'm happy to report that we did get back together, because we both learned from the experience and it bettered the relationship.

    Now, she may have a good reason, but then again, she may not (which, if she's doing this and you two are engaged, I sincerely hope it's with good reason...) She may be using it as an excuse to run around or do what she wants. It's hard to tell with women. I would say the important thing to do would be to confront her regardless of what she keeps telling you. Just be frank and say something like, "Hey, I know you're feeling like you need time away from us and our relationship but I'm really needing to know what's going on. What are you feeling? What are your thoughts?" etc. She owes you at least that. If she completely refuses to work with you on it, I would say it's not worth the effort.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Have some self love and respect for yourself, the girls is playing games. She wants to get back with you maybe? She does not expect you to wait for her?

    She is not coming back, she is just trying to get you to make the finial break so she can play the victim and blame you for the break up.

    Or she is playing the control game, she knows you are hooked and is stringing you along until you agree to anything she wants so she will come back.

    Listen to yourself, you don't lack confidence, but in the next sentence you are whining about cutting your options and never being able to get another girl as beautiful as her.

    Real show of self confidence there. Seriously, there are what 7 women to every man. You have the odds on your side, it is going to a lot easier for you to find another girl than it is for her to find another guy.

    Don't get caught up in the looks game, a girl can be a perfect 10 face and body wise and be a -10 on the inside where it really counts and ugliness like that always come threw in the end.

    Take some paper and down the middle draw a line, on one side write what you like about her besides her looks. On the other write what you want in a partner and relationship, compare the two and see if she matches what you desire in a partner/wife relationship.

    A it core a relationship is about respect and trust, I don't see that here. Look at what you said she said, I see manipulation.

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    • This is a top answer right here. Show some confidence in yourself. The more you reach out, the more she will think you're desperate, needy and clingy. Stop acting like she's the only women in your life. :)

  • She is only trouble. It looks like you are waaaaay more into her than she is into you. How do you know she's not out seeing other men during this break? She is walking all over you and you are suffering because of it.

    It's time to man up, grow a pair, and take that ring back to the store where you bought it. There is a lid for every jar, and this sure isn't the one. Don't feel pressured into falling for the first girl that seems to love you back. Find someone that actually cares about you.

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  • Thats a tough one. HAve you talked to her about what exactly she wants from you? Seems she still cares about you if she drunk texts you. Respect her time and just be patient. Let time and patience work its fate. Make sure that you keep yourself unstressed and there for her when she seeks you. Don't chase but reach out. There is a difference

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    • But what do drunk texts and calls even mean? Don't they normally mean loneliness? Loneliness can't be mistaken for love...

    • Ask her why she doing that. Tell her you are kind of confused why she does that cause its giving you mixed signals.

  • "She's made it very clear that we more than likely will get back together and she doesn't expect me to wait for her". To me, that sounds like she is willing to risk never being in a relationship with you again so that she available to pursue other endeavors. She is basically telling you that she does not value the relationship in the way that you do. Do you really want to be with a girl with an "oh well, if it happens, it happens" attitude about being with you?

    On the other hand, if you did something to cause the split, then perhaps you should consider her perspective and keep the door open for a possible future reunion, if you're available to do so. In other words, don't put your life on hold until she's made a decision.

    Good Luck,

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  • "Need some time" and "need some space" are sentence fragments. The complete sentences are as follows:

    "I need some time to f*** other people."

    "I need some space to f*** other people."

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  • The kid is a smoke screen, she is using. 45 minutes is no distance to travel, so if you are not seeing each other because of that. You are not serious, or she is not serious about see you.

    Take it from someone that was married to a woman with a kid from a previous relationship, I have been threw the women with kids war and that is why I will not date a woman with kids any longer.

    This may sound cold, but don't get involved with anyone. That can not give you the place in their lives, that you will be giving them in yours.

    If you make someone the number one priority in your life, don't accept taking second place in their lives after kids or family. If they can not make you their number one priority, don't make them yours.

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  • What do I think about a girl that needs some time? I think she can take her time somewhere else with someone else, because I'm not going to wait. Relationships are a two-way street, not one way while the other is blocked off for construction for months on end. Have a good cry, buy a dog, play Call of Duty, go the strip club, take up a sport, go to the bar with friends, or do whatever you need to do to get over her, then find a girl who's not going to treat you like an episode of Glee she Tevoed 4 months ago.

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    • I was watching a relationship expert on YouTube talking about when you break up with a girl and you tell her like it is and even if you miss her like crazy, whatever you do, do not call her up apologizing for something that you know that she is wrong about and that you know you are right. If you figured out that you might have been wrong about a few things, then maybe if you met up then you can make up for it and prove that you have changed those things about you through your actions.

  • It means she wants to spend more time for herself.

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  • Why would you wait for someone who doesn't really want to be with you.

    You should respect yourself more than that.

    She broke up with YOU.

    Stop talking to her.

    Move on.

    You are just hurting yourself.

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