What do you think about a girl who "needs some time"?

My fiance and I just split up. I was devastated. She still texts me sometimes when she's drunk. When I talk to her the next day she says "I can't do us right now". She's made it very clear that we more than likely will get back together but she doesn't expect me to wait for her. I love this girl more than anything, that's why I gave her a big fat rock. The problem is, I don't want to be waiting in the wings at her convenience. I do want to get back together but that seems kind of sh*tty. A little additional info. I'm 33, not terribly attractive and only 5'2''. Don't confuse that with a lack of confidence, I've dated some beautiful women, but it definitely cuts my options. Add that to the fact that I'm terribly picky and that cuts my options even more. This girl is a real catch and I may never find another one like her. Do I bite my lip and just take it or tell her to get bent?

Updates:
We broke up because she has a sixteen year old daughter that she promised she wouldn't move out of the her school district. We live 45 min apart and living together isn't really an option right now. We just never see each other. She needs to focus on her kid right now, I get that. If her kid wasn't the most important person in her life, I wouldn't be attracted to her. She thinks when the kid goes to college things will be different and she can come move here with me, that was always the plan

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I kind of agree with what everyone else is saying. You don't fix a relationship by 'taking a break'. You fix a relationship by working on the problems and trying to overcome them. Now I can certainly understand if she has something she is trying to work on, that would be a legitimate reason.

    But to me it sounds like she is indifferent towards you. She texts you when she's drunk, but when she's sober it's "I can't do us right now". Not very convincing for someone who you would hope wants to marry you.

    I know that you think this girl is a catch, but honestly, the indifference she is showing you should be a huge red flag. IMO she is not someone who at this point is ready to get married to you.

    I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy I thought was a catch. He was handsome, funny, and incredibly laid back. However, like your lady, he was very indifferent. It was okay at first, as I understood that not everyone moves at the same pace. However, after 2 years of being together I realized that I had to make a decision. I wanted someone who wanted to be with me. Not someone who would look around, shrug their shoulders and say "okay, I guess this is the best I can do for right now".

    Her actions to me don't sound like she is too overly thrilled to have been engaged to you. Sounds like she is keeping her options open. I hate to say this, but that is the vibe I am getting.

    You deserve to have someone who is as crazy about you, as you are about them. Her not expecting you to wait for her sounds like she's not too bothered by the fact that she could lose you. IMO, a girl worth marrying should be devastated to not have you in her life.

    I've been dating a guy for a few months now, and I already see how much of a better relationship it is compared to what I had with the guy I dated before. Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to see things in a different light.

    Instead of worrying that you may not find someone, and latching onto this girl who is not really that invested. Try giving yourself some time to be alone with your thoughts and really analyse the relationship.

    Go out with friends, have fun and do things that you enjoy. Change up your surroundings and really see things from a different perspective. If you take some time off, reconnect with this girl and she is willing to work on things and you are convinced, then great! But if you feel that this girl isn't right for you after taking a fresh look at the situation, well then you dodged a bullet.

    Marriage is serious business, and both parties involved should be completely sure they want to go through with it. I wouldn't tell her to get bent, but maybe drop off her radar for a bit and see if she comes running. A girl worth losing will make sure she is not forgotten.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Aww sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken.

    If you believe in her and think she's actually the one, I say it's best if you contact her to talk about how you feel about her still. You two are still in contact, so why not?

    Your appearance is not really related. If she accepted you, then that's enough.

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    • I did that, that's when I got the "I can't do us right now" text. My appearance is kind of related because my options are limited. A tall dark and handsome can move on and be relatively sure there's someone else right around the corner. The fewer your options, the more you're forced to put up with.

    • I'm sure there are girls out here who love your type.

  • " but she doesn't expect me to wait for her. " I think that's her hinting you to move on without outright telling you, so that she doesn't look like "the bad guy."

    Before I say "if she really wanted to be with you, she would make the effort," what split you guys up in the first place?

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    • Okay, she has a very good reason. Her daughter comes first. However, 45 minutes? That's nothing! I had a hour drive each way to one of my ex's and it was a hassle but manageable. It's not like it's 3 hours away.

  • You can't control her emotions and feeling. You are going to HAVE to let chips fall where they may.

    I'm sorry how this went down. You have to believe there are better suited matches out there for you. Onward and upward.

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  • Honestly, I'd leave her. You don't take a break to fix problems! Do you want your wife doing that?!

    Why would she not do this every time things get hard later on in your future as well?!

    You're probably not as optionless as you think you are and really, a girl who sticks around when things get tough is more important than likely whatever you see in this girl.

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  • a confusing woman who is not sure of herself and doesn't know waht she wants in life is not a catch.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Have some self love and respect for yourself, the girls is playing games. She wants to get back with you maybe? She does not expect you to wait for her?

    She is not coming back, she is just trying to get you to make the finial break so she can play the victim and blame you for the break up.

    Or she is playing the control game, she knows you are hooked and is stringing you along until you agree to anything she wants so she will come back.

    Listen to yourself, you don't lack confidence, but in the next sentence you are whining about cutting your options and never being able to get another girl as beautiful as her.

    Real show of self confidence there. Seriously, there are what 7 women to every man. You have the odds on your side, it is going to a lot easier for you to find another girl than it is for her to find another guy.

    Don't get caught up in the looks game, a girl can be a perfect 10 face and body wise and be a -10 on the inside where it really counts and ugliness like that always come threw in the end.

    Take some paper and down the middle draw a line, on one side write what you like about her besides her looks. On the other write what you want in a partner and relationship, compare the two and see if she matches what you desire in a partner/wife relationship.

    A it core a relationship is about respect and trust, I don't see that here. Look at what you said she said, I see manipulation.

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    • This is a top answer right here. Show some confidence in yourself. The more you reach out, the more she will think you're desperate, needy and clingy. Stop acting like she's the only women in your life. :)

  • She is only trouble. It looks like you are waaaaay more into her than she is into you. How do you know she's not out seeing other men during this break? She is walking all over you and you are suffering because of it.

    It's time to man up, grow a pair, and take that ring back to the store where you bought it. There is a lid for every jar, and this sure isn't the one. Don't feel pressured into falling for the first girl that seems to love you back. Find someone that actually cares about you.

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  • Thats a tough one. HAve you talked to her about what exactly she wants from you? Seems she still cares about you if she drunk texts you. Respect her time and just be patient. Let time and patience work its fate. Make sure that you keep yourself unstressed and there for her when she seeks you. Don't chase but reach out. There is a difference

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    • But what do drunk texts and calls even mean? Don't they normally mean loneliness? Loneliness can't be mistaken for love...

    • Ask her why she doing that. Tell her you are kind of confused why she does that cause its giving you mixed signals.

  • "She's made it very clear that we more than likely will get back together and she doesn't expect me to wait for her". To me, that sounds like she is willing to risk never being in a relationship with you again so that she available to pursue other endeavors. She is basically telling you that she does not value the relationship in the way that you do. Do you really want to be with a girl with an "oh well, if it happens, it happens" attitude about being with you?

    On the other hand, if you did something to cause the split, then perhaps you should consider her perspective and keep the door open for a possible future reunion, if you're available to do so. In other words, don't put your life on hold until she's made a decision.

    Good Luck,

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  • "Need some time" and "need some space" are sentence fragments. The complete sentences are as follows:

    "I need some time to f*** other people."

    "I need some space to f*** other people."

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