I feel so worthless...

I'm 36, and I feel that my life is a huge mess. It's not that I haven't tried, because I have. But I'm getting tired of trying.

When I was younger I never thought I'd be single in my 30s, somehow I thought that I'd have a partner, and perhaps even a kid. Now I realize that that time has passed. I'm too old, and it doesn't seem very likely that I'll ever find someone who cares and sticks around.

It seems to me that all the guys I ever was involved with mainly liked me for my looks. But looks only bring you so far, and they are definitely not enough for a relationship. I'm not saying that all guys are like that, but I guess my choice of men wasn't the best.

It doesn't help that I recently found out that one of the guys who dumped me and completely ignored me got married a couple of months ago and moved to a different continent with his wife. Another guy I was in love with about a decade ago had a baby last year (found out about this last night). This guy was never my boyfriend, but we were very close friends for about ten years until we had a big fight and he cut me off. I haven't talked to him in years. Well, he sent me a couple of messages, but they never turned into a conversation. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him. But yet it makes me feel bad because it makes me realize what others have and I apparently cannot have.

Then I liked a guy a few months ago. But after we had sex he gradually cut me off.

Then there is my most recent ex-boyfriend. I adored him a lot, but I think for him it was mainly my looks. Consequently he lost interest pretty quickly and stopped making an effort. We stayed in touch after the break-up, but when he met someone new he just ignored me. From one day to the next. He hasn't talked to me since. It's been about seven months now.

I'd always found some "consolation" in the fact that it's the guys, and not me. That I just picked the wrong ones; that they'd f*** up with every woman; that they are inept when it comes to relationships. But yet all these guys are married and/or in a steady relationship. And I'm alone.

There's also a good friend of mine who doesn't speak to me anymore. She told me we might talk again one day but now she needs some space. (We had a fight because she started working as a sex worker and then got involved with one of her clients and I thought that was stupid).

I feel like basically everyone who ever mattered to me dislikes me, or even hates me, certainly does not care about me anymore. Maybe I just cannot be liked. I don't know. I try, but I seem to fail all of the time.

A part of me thinks that this is the best time to just kill myself. Very few people would be sad, very few would miss me. Most wouldn't even notice that I'm gone since to them I died long ago.

This isn't a "pity me" post. I genuinely feel that my life has no worth. I could stick around for more, hoping that things will get better. But if I'm honest, I've been doing that for a decade now, and they get worse


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You certainly shouldn't kill yourself. What you need to do is to think rationally about what you want and how to achieve it.

    I think there are three mistakes that many girls make, and from the sound of it, you may have made them too. First, many girls think, "What's wrong with guys? Where are all the good ones?" instead of asking, "How can I improve myself to attract the guys I want?" Many girls just assume that the guy has something wrong with him if he doesn't want a relationship with her. Second, many girls assume that relationships/marriage will just happen. Even on GAG, many girls say, be patient, things will happen. Wrong approach. You need to be proactive. Many guys are p****** compared to past generations and won't approach. Also, many guys rationally don't want marriage. Another problem is, girls are used to being the one who has to be impressed/persuaded. They don't realize that, as the relationship develops, the girl might have to do some impressing/persuading of her own. Third, let's face it: girls are impressed by flashy, confident guys. You need to keep your eyes open for the less flashy, less confident guys who might have just as much to offer as the confident guys, maybe even more.

    At 36, it's not too late. But you do need to be proactive. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help at all. I hope my advice is useful.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i am a bit younger than you but this post spoke to me. I feel similar. I have not been out of college that long but I am starting to feel old for the first time in my life, like things are changing. though I am a bit younger than you, I know how you feel because I thought I would not be single at this age.

    never give up!

    looks are subjective. you could be very pretty to some and not to others but it is very possible that you picked men who only like you for your looks. I don't really know what you look like, so I can't judge, but I feel like guys use or only see me for my looks as well. if you really are very attractive it is likely you will get jerks who only want you for physical reasons.

    you need to work on your personality and yourself. how do you really treat people? etc. a relationship needs a lot more than looks to work. maybe speak to a professional.

    also, in terms of meeting both new friends and relationships...do you have a career? are you part of groups of people with common interests, be it a religious or social organization, hobby, etc.. maybe you will meet people in common in these situations.

    hope to help. don't give up, you are not old!

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What Guys Said 4

  • You obviously need help badly. I suggest therapy to help you get over the problems in your life.

    Any man at your age can become the Prince of your dreams. You just gotta have an open mind, and not have a list of expectations.

    Find someone that is gonna show a reflection of a better version of you. This is what the true definition of love is. You don't own someone when you love them, but you support, encourage and try to make them become the better version or stronger version of themselves.

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  • Don't kill yourself.

    Reflecting on the past is a necessary step in becoming who you want to be. It hurts because it got you here, that's an inconvenient truth that you're finally realizing and hopefully accepting.

    You need to slow down and think more. Figure out the reasons why these relationships didn't work out. If you can't figure it out and adjust, you're going to get similar results in the future. So take a time out and go to the drawing board. Find these areas that need improvement and set goals to get there.

    I don't see a woman that's a lost cause. I see a blessing. Somewhere out there, a man just like you is hoping for a miracle. His life isn't what he dreamt it to be, and he's pondering his dimmed future just like you are. At 36 with no kids, you're that miracle. Make no mistake about it.

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  • Everytime I come on here I find a question I feel I can somewhat relate to.

    I am much younger than you but I know how it feels to feel like everyone who mattered to me doesn't like me, care about me or want me around. My girlfriend of the last two years told me she thinks we should end the relationship at least for the time being and has completly ignored my many attempts to speak with her. I know my state of living right now is not good and it probably won't get any better soon. The life I had imagined for myself, is becoming dimmer and dimmer by the day. Knowing the one person I thought I had by my side is gone, it makes the thoughts of hurting myself come almost constantly.

    I am not really in a situation to tell you what to do given my circumstances. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you chose not to kill yourself.

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  • You're very pessimistic, life begins at this age.

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