Do I tell this guy who is in the military about his girlfriend's shady behavior?

I was dating this guy for the last year. He has a VERY close girl friend who happens to be his ex girlfriend. Her boyfriend left for the military and as soon as he left she started hanging around all the time. She spends 3-4 nights a week at my ex's house. They swear they are just friends but then why is she spending so much time at his place? I feel as though she is part of the reason we are nolonger together. I couldn't stand how close they were, it's strange. Well her boyfriend is away in the military and I doubt would appreciate her spending so much time "sleeping" over. Do I get in touch with him to let him know? Only problem is I'd have to get in touch with his mother for his info as I do not know it? If that was my boyfriend I would want to know.
Updates:
Thank you for all the advice. Its probably best that I keep my mouth shut. Yes I am angry about their relationship but I have never had a guy friend that I spent entire weekends sleeping over at his house especially when I'm a taken woman. I guess it will all come out eventually. It's just hard to bite my tongue. They screwed me over so I suppose I was looking to hurt them like they hurt me. That's the honest truth. I just don't know how to work through those feelings.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you knew for sure what was going on, I'd say go for it. But all you know is she spends a lot of time at his place. That doesn't mean anything inappropriate is going on...and how the heck do you know she's speing 3-4 night a sweek at your ex's house? And do you mean the whole night?

    You probably are just guessing about that..you see her car there, or something?

    Unless you know for sure, it would be a bad idea to tell his mom or him. It could turn out they really ARE just buddies, you know!

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    • Yes he lives up the street from me. My rents live on the same street so I drive by there often. It's not like I'm stalking. Her car is there all the time.

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What Guys Said 6

  • That's the problem for guys in the military - their girlfriends and wives end up cheating more than not.

    That being said, I'd stay out of it. He'll find out soon enough

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  • This sounds more like a revenge-over-my-ex thing than a I'm-sincerely-concerned-about-this-situation thing.

    If the girl is a tramp, then the soldier will find out soon enough. It's neither your place nor your business. If you were best friends with the soldier, that would be different, and it would be your place as his good friend to let him know what was going on. But you don't know him well enough to have his information. Any contact you would make with him would just make you seem crazy. He has to find out for himself what a tramp she is.

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  • Those feelings, feelings of anger are hard to work through. And the thirst for revenge is a strong one.

    I have found the best way to deal with such feelings is to just simply sit back and watch. People like that who screw you over, screw other people over as well. And their horrible selfish lives eventually fall apart because their transgressions catch up with them. There is, albeit slightly twisted, a satisfaction in watching that fall, in watching what those people have created blow up in their own faces. So enjoy the show.

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  • so you are wondering if you should run and tell on her?

    uh no. you are angry that your ex and this girl have a close relationship, fair enough I suppose but being an adult is not tatting on other people's behavior. If you are actually concerned for their relationship you'll tell the girl that she needs to tell her boyfriend what's going on otherwise when he gets home you feel obligated to inform him of her cheating.

    You put her in the position to make the decision. Then you tell him when he comes home so that he can handle it and so it is quite clear that you aren't doing this out of spite.

    But no do not run and tell on them... I've dealt with a situation where I knew the girlfriend of a friend of mine was cheating. I told her, either you tell him about it or I tell him about it, because I didn't want my friend being screwed over.

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  • try to tell him subtly. like "do you call your girlfriend everyday? where does she spend the time? I see her a lot in the bar with somebody."

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  • I wouldn't get involved. It could end up with both of them angry with you, for trying to interfere with their relationship, and still not change anything. I flat out tell my friends that I wouldn't get involved, and the reason's why. Most of them agree, that it is better not to get involved.

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What Girls Said 3

  • A military man doesn't need to worry about a girl, he needs to worry about his fellow soldiers, and himself, and his mission. Simply stay out of it, don't put him in danger, go out with some friends, and stop fretting over what other people do.

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  • It's hardly any of your business but I guess the guy deserves to know. He is suffering out there eating mud while his girlfriend at home, all comfortable (all she needs to do is wait a bit, really), can't even keep her panties on.

    You might attract trouble to yourself by doing so but you can contact him anonymously.

    He deserves to know.

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    • I know it's not really my business but I feel bad that this kid is getting jerked around. I don't want to attract drama but I am really angry that this girl came between me and my ex and then tells everyone this guy is "the love of her life" while spending 3-4 nights a week at her ex boyfriends house. Problem is I don't know how to contact him in the military. I'd have to call his mother and make up some excuse to get his info

  • I would, but not in a harsh tone. Just a "heads up" kind of thing that shows concern.

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