Why do girls expect guys to be friends with them after turning them down?

Guys complain about it all the time. "Let's just be friends." But once a guy hears that, the natural idea is to move onto someone else who has potential for more.

Now I have a couple of things to ask about this for girls.

If you give them that line, do you expect them to keep talking to you?

Why are girls bothered by a guy moving on after they basically turned them down?

Why do a lot of girls assume that the guy that moved on after being turned down was only trying to get down her pants? Do girls not realize that they could be looking for a relationship too?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This drove me crazy with a bunch of my friends. They always had that guy who was absolutely in love with them, but they labelled him as "their best friend". I mean it was pretty obvious this guy had a thing for the girl, and the girls would even go so far as break up with their bf's and spend the night making out with these guys :S (talk about leading them on!).

    However, they were never more than just 'friends'. And my friends would always say that the guy was just too good to be more than friends because they were worried about losing this amazing friendship!

    But once the guy got tired of being dragged around and decided to move on to someone new, the girl got mad.

    I think this sometimes has to do with the fact that the girl just wants attention. She's not really interested, but likes the attention the guy is giving her. The problem occurs when the guy gets tired of pursuing and not getting anywhere, so he decides to find another girl.

    Then the guy gets blamed for only wanting one thing with the girl. Now, not all girls do this, but I have seen this with a few of my friends. It was so annoying!

    I think if you feel like you are just getting led on, and nothing is really going to come of pursuing a girl, then you need to move on. Don't waste your time.

    A girl that is going to play games with you is not worth the trouble. Find a girl who knows what she wants and isn't going to lead you on, or play with your mind for attention. Don't let someone manipulate and hold power over you, try to keep a rational mind and really assess whether this person has the right things to offer in a relationship.

    I think that in these types of situations, the guy is also to blame. Partly because the girl gets put on a pedestal. So the guy thinks she can't do anything wrong, when really she is just leading him on.

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What Girls Said 18

  • If I say to a guy, "Let's just be friends," then I really, honestly, truly do want to be friends with him. Why shouldn't I expect him to keep talking to me? If I lose a good friend to romantic feelings, I'm going to be upset. That's just the way it is. Why can't guys and girls be Platonic friends?

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    • The flaw in your argument is that you expect the same amount of attention.

      Attention is a finite resource.

      Before you were getting chasing + friend attention or 2x attention

      After you might get friend attention or 1x attention.

      Girls equate this drop of 1x attention (2x to 1x) as a loss in a friendship and usually get upset. The reality is that it is simply the friendship normalizing.

    • That makes sense. See, my problem is that I never realize when my guy friends have feelings for me. To me, we're just incredibly close friends, and I'm glad that he's willing to listen to me as much as I like listening to him. I'm attentive to my friends by nature, so I don't always notice when guys are giving me more-than-Platonic attention.

      But yeah, my naivete has basically made me the unwilling queen of friendzoning. It sucks because romantic feelings have claimed all my guy friends. :|

    • What if a you liked a guy and he told you you'd only be friends but you wanted more and every time you see him you realize that it will never happen? Wouldn't that hurt you?

  • I used to give that line, years ago when I was still young and green. I don't do that anymore. Now I just say what I have to say.

    Even when I was young and green and gave out that line, I never had any expectations of these people. I tend not to do that in general. I don't expect anything at all. Ever. If something cool happens, great. If something stupid happens, well... whatever.

    I don't care what happens to a person- male or female- after I have ushered them out of my life. They are not my responsibility.

    The assumption is made because that's what it looks like. If a guy is hanging out with you, and you tell him you don't want to Do It with him but you still totally like him as a person, and he goes all persona non grata on you... what else is there to think? It is possible for men and women to befriend each other. If the expectation on your part was to have sex with me, and you are informed that no sex will be had, and you dip out, why wouldn't I figure that you were in it for the sex? What's to stop you from being my pal and also being available to other women for potential relationship status? You have guy friends who don't stop you from dating, right? So go find your Dream Girl and also maybe we can drink beer when you're not busy doing that. What's wrong with that? Why is that so bizarre?

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  • In my situations, it's usually down to everything being rushed. Meet a guy and after a week, only just getting to know him, he wants to be my boyfriend/"go out" with me. When I say "Let's be friends" its always followed by "for now." Because I make clear that I want to get the know them, that I might like them when I know them more...

    But then in the end they tend to vanish and never speak to me again, even after me stressing that it isn't a rejection, just that we need to get to know each other better. If they move on after that, then of course it bothers me, but other girls may do it do actually not want to date the person and simply want to "put them down easily" without hurting their feelings, but everyone is different, that's just my experience, and really it sucks. A lot.

    + I don't assume they try to get down my pants or anything haha, usually they're not like that, I think after the initial rejection most guys just don't bother down to embarrassment, different people have different reasons, though.

    Guess its all down to communication v.v

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    • Yeah I remember being too forward with a girl by asking her if she fancied going for a walk on the beach. She turned me down but years later I found out she was actually interested in me but I wanted nothing to do with her. A lot of guys take a no as a no even if you put it across like you say you do. Its one of those things. It hurts their ego more than anything. But I think us lads need to be a bit more patient with girls.

  • If I say to a guy "Let's just be friends", that basically means I don't want to date you, I don't even really want to be your friend, I'm just trying to be polite without being too mean.

    I'm not bothered by a guy moving on that I just turned down.

    Let's face it, us girls are constantly approached by guys only wanting to get in our pants. It's kind of a rare occurrence when they're actually wanting a relationship or friendship.

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    • Not true. I would say at least half the men approaching are looking for a relationship, and not just sex.

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    • I don't get vibes necessarily about a guy wanting to get in my pants. It's from experience of going out with guys and the first night they try and put the moves on me. So unless total sparks are flying and you can tell the girl is really into you, put off making any moves until maybe the 3rd date. And make that a simple kiss. You should be able to tell then is she's into you.

    • Hmm, when they're younger, like 18-21, a fair amount of guys do want relationships. But the girls want someone more exciting, more in "thug life."

  • I knew someone that I thought was genuinely my friend. He even basically said his type was the complete opposite of myself so I thought I was pretty safe. Then 2 months later he says he is attracted to me. And that I was supposed to give him an answer.

    I honestly felt a tad led on. I had such a great respectful friendship and it tore me up that it was ruined all because he wanted me. I felt awkward of course after this and then he kept making horrible statements about my boyfriend and that I was an emotional drainer which made me cut off all communication with him. It makes me really sad because I really liked him as just a person. I did not have any ulterior motives of getting with him. We shared the same since of humor, etc.

    But I get it. It would be hard maintaining a friendship with someone you would like to take things further with. So now, I'm pretty blunt. I ask guys a couple weeks in (if they start to become friends) if they have a girlfriend, if not, then are they pursuing me.

    Most cases though, it doesn't work out. I'm starting to not believe in platonic relationships...

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  • Because some of them have tricked us into thinking they were our friends rather than spending time with us just while they were working up the courage to ask us out.

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    • Tricked? That's a rather rude way of putting it.

    • Kinda cynical is some ways too. So much for "friends first." I guess we should ask out strangers who have no clue who we are.

    • You can't be -friends- first. If you don't want to be friend zoned at best you can be acquaintances. Shamelessly flirt but don't become friends! Friends aren't sexy.

  • well, I don't expect them to still wanna talk with me because I understand that guys wanna keep their pride and stuff. don't wanna seem to beg for a girls attention. but anyway, I do say lets just be friends sometimes just to be polite. but if he doesn't contact me, I'm respect that too..

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  • I've never used that line before. It's their choice to stay friends or not, I pretty much don't have a say. Some continue the friendship- they're sweet, helpful, and protective in a way while others... Act like a**holes. However, if I don't like you at all and you're really annoying, I'll make it clear that I no longer wish to continue the friendship.

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  • I don't expect the guy to be friends with me but if I say we be friends I really want to be his friend just that not the romantic kind of friend. I still feel that a guy and a girl can be good friends, I have close buddies as well.

    I won't be angry or upset with a guy from moving on to the next girl I would think it is good and I would be happy for him

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    • what do you mean by romantic kind of friend. so you can have a romantic kind of friend even if you have a bf?

    • @born2bwild which mean boyfriend and girlfriend kind. if I have a boyfriend I would still remain friends with other guys but they will only be my ordinary friends.

  • ohh maby she turned him down and wanna be friend because she wnna know him more and see him more then thing of this relation siriously or she don't like him and she wana be nice and don't turn comptly him down just freinds !

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  • i don't really know why Why do girls expect guys to be friends with them after turning them down?i just have have male friends not a boy friend or any

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    • they are the next option, spare, extra

    • nah they are my best friend I don't think I will erver date my best male friends. besides I have female friends too they all give me advice

  • I don't know tbh I personally think its stupid, so don't.

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  • Guys and girls make good friends. I personally know of two guys that I am friends with that like me, but I think of them of nothing more than just friends. If they ever choose to pursue it, I will tell them that I just want to be friends. Guys can move on romantically, but that doesn't mean they have to stop being friends with the girl. the fact that they were attracted to her shows you that they were good close friends, and should continue that. It also makes things awkward if you lose contact after saying "lets be friends". Girls are allowed to want to be friends with guys, even if they don't want a relationship. I also am annoyed at girls who think that guys are just trying to get in their pants. I think they either secretly want them to, or have been hurt in the past.

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  • Not all girls want a relationship.

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  • Guys are to blame for this as well

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  • maybe they regret it.

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  • i do it too, a guy turned me down I moved on ignored him its not like we were that close he was actually mean to me a couple of times

    he felt bothered I was ignoring him but I didn't do it to spite him I just wanted to get out of his way

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  • "Let's be friends" (provided you weren't already friends), generally means "I'm not into you, but I don't think you're a creep or an asshat." If you're already friends, it means "Let's just be friends." Guys give the friends speech to female friends they don't want to date, too. Except usually, it means "Let's just be friends who f***, even if I don't find you that attractive."

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What Guys Said 7

  • i don't know most of the girls that reject me that bad don't even want to be friends but there has been some girls who would of been OK being friends with me but didn't want to have sex with me . but as I said there has been some that just didn't like me period for some reasons . I'd say its OK to move on if the girl rejected you , its OK to stay friends but also OK to try and date other people if she won't date you

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  • Damn, bro, you really have a long way to go. Here, start with the basics link

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  • they say that line when: they are already taken and the guy is very good looking. if the guys is not so gud looking they don't give a damn.

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  • From their point of view, you are a friend if they say that. I've been there, they don't understand what's going on in your head. If they knew, they'd know you can't be friends because it'd be torture. When I used to hear that, I'd either say okay and not talk to them, or be like "to be honest I'll always be attracted to you as more than friends so not right now". Either way I'm not trying to trick them I'm just being honest.

    Your best bet is to get the mentality that you went into it because you wanted to date her, so it's fine if she wants to only be friends, but it's not for you. She'll appreciate the honesty. Probably will be pissed but if she doesn't understand it's whatever

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  • Girls expect it, because they can get a lot of what's vital for them in a relationship out of a good friend.

    We guys on the other hand, get everything we need in friendship out of our guy friends, much more than what we can get out of being friends with women. And if you're 'friends' with a girl you liked who rejected you, it can be damaging to your own self-esteem and dating abilities, because you're hanging girls who rejected you.

    Thirdly, girls suffer from female solipsism. A lot of them they can't emphasize or take the side of guys in any dispute. THEY think it's great to have as platonic friends guys who liked them, so they are left in shock often when the guy doesn't want to be their friends, because they're incapable of mentally putting themselves in the guy's shoes and understanding.

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  • Because their bitches

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  • About to drop some knowledge here so listen up.

    Its what girls say when they want to continue to slut it up and date bad boys but keep you on the back burner. While you are getting your life together they are "having fun" and once that biological clock starts ticking their focus will move towards looking at relationships in terms of finding a "best friend" or a relationship that isn't built on "sex" bonds.

    I have seen it countless times. "Oh, you are such a great guy" bla bla bla. Then after several years of slutting it up with bad boys who hurt them over and over again they come running. Its usually when they hit 30ish.

    The key here isn't to reward females for this behavior. Keep a list and check it twice.

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    • Let this man preach. There's a girl I knew since I was 15. She never friend zoned me, but she wanted no parts of a relationship. She just wanted to slut it up, including me and my cousin. Then, 10 years later there she is... One kid, one on the way, and one deadbeat boyfriend/father of her children. She had enough of him and wanted to get with me, seeing all I have achieved.

      Like he said. Don't reward this behavior. Never settle for another mans leftovers.

    • You speak the truth well done! I hope most guys don't give those girls a chance after they've realized they've made a mistake, its their loss.

      I hope you know there are many girls that don't do that, and want the nice guy from the start!

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