During a break, can I send a letter?

Don't completely dismiss this, I know it sounds kind of stupid because it is a "break" but hear me out.

So my boyfriend wanted to break up with me because he is not sure that he wants a relationship right now to figure out his life. He also says he is not good for me because he smokes and I hate it and he isn't sure of our future because of that.

However he says that he still loves me. I know this could be seen as a line, but I do not think so. Anyways, I convinced him that we should take a break, so he can figure out if he wants a relationship or not.

Since this was sprung on me (I had no idea this was coming) it was hard for me to argue his points, and I didn't get a chance to before he left. So I would like to send him a letter explaining my side. I figure this is a no pressure situation, since I do not expect him to reply, and he doesn't even have to open the letter. I would rather know that he makes his decision knowing my side.

What are your thoughts?

We have been dating for a year and three months if this helps.


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  • its up to you but no amount of convincing is going to help him make his decision,i would just leave it be

  • Please don't do this to yourself.Please do not get back together with him. Everything that your boyfriend said were just 'lines' that even my boyfriend used(except smoking). It really sounds like he's not interested in you and wants to date other girls. He's telling you that he still loves you because he thinks it will make you feel better. That or it's a line that he's using to make you a back-up booty call in case he fails at finding another girl that he THINKS is better. It's UNLIKELY that he would turn down being with you just because he's "trying to figure out his life" and is likely to still be at the age where sex is extremely important for a guy. Therefore, it's likely that he trying to get another girl while having you as a back-up and he's the type to look for the next best thing. By giving him a break, he may think that it's still okay to bang other girls and you at the same time if you weren't clear about the rules.

    Hopefully, you can learn from my situation. I allowed my relationship to go on "a Break" that Boyfriend asked for because he was going to be 3000 miles for 3 summer months (but same country) I said yes because he kept asking for it so much(making me cry and not focus on school ). He basically used 'the break' to defend why we shouldn't have to talk more than once every 1.5 to 2 weeks. He said he didn't sleep around but who knows. 4 weeks after we got back together, he was happy to use his busy life(which is real) as a reason to 'take another break' (although he meant break up). Since he was my first, I convinced him to stay in the relationship, which was a bad idea (4th paragraph)

    Eventually after 'the Break,' I got him to admit that he would never try to break up with 'The One' over a busy life and financial stress. I got him to also admit that I am only around until he sees the next best thing.

    If he still has a lot of "stressors" if you contact him again, please do NOT ask to still be in a relationship like I did. I convinced him to go back into a relationship by saying that I would make most of the effort by changing my schedule to fit around his. I also mentioned that I have always brought food over (and would continue to do so after taking me back) so it would lessen his financial and time strains. After getting back together, I was more explicit in my affections. He got used to that and ended up not trying as hard to make me feel loved until the times when he felt too guilty. However he was very consistent in his affection(more than to me) towards his roommate's cute cat. This means that there is room in heart to love an actual girl more than me.

    Please do not get back with him because he will ask for another "break-up" or 'a Break' when things get rough to get his way or if he sees an opportunity with another girl. My boyfriend fed me those same lines as your boyfriend(except smoking) but mine didn't have the decency (or courage) like yours to actually end the relationship. Mine hid behind the words of "take a break"