Do you think it's dumb to be friends with someone you truly loved even if you can't be together?

We've been together for about 5 years. He's my first love and my love for him hasn't gone any less. Broke up in December but I don't know what to do. It's so complicated. Things got pretty rocky our last 2 months together. My side of the story is, I gave him a lot of time at first, then things werent going too well with my major classes that I eventually I got too focused and I didn't realize I wasn't giving him as much attention. I thought it'd be fine because he bought new video games anyways. we barely talk whenever he gets a new game. So figured why waste time when we can do our own thing.

three reasons he wanted to end it: he said he needed to get things together, then he said he had a distant feeling that was too hard to shake, now he says he's not ready for a relationship, or commitment I guess. Last thing I knew he's currently seeing someone else. He says he loves me but wants to be friends right now. I understand we're still young and we should search before we get ahead but I really don't see myself with anyone else. I've never even looked at other guys in that way. It seemed like we would be soulmates with the hints he has given me before, in addition to his parents thinking we would..

Anyways I was hurt, but at times he'd come back and it seemed we were back to normal. Then I found out theyre a thing. I know the girl cause he's talked about how annoying and dumb she was and her sister. He even makes fun of her with his friends. so I thought maybe it's just to explore and have fun or get over me. Eventually I found it to hard to stick around as a friend because I was afraid she would take my place in the end. so I said I was gonna go (as in no contact at all). Haven't talked since then which is like a week now.

but now I feel OK. Like I actually want to meet her...and no not to kill her ha ha honestly I was happy for them when I found out cause I know she'll make him happy. I was just having a hard time accepting it cause it happened so suddenly.

I don't know how or if I should tell him I want to be friends and that I'm OK. He is important to me and I want to be here for him no matter what even if we're not meant to be. Does this sounds dumb in any way? Do you think it might end up badly for me or him? Or both of them?

Should I wait til: he talks to me first (if he ever will)? whenever I see him? or should I just call/leave a message (text/voice mail) to him about how I feel about us being friends?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think the real question is whether or not you're OK being his friend right now. Do you still want him back? Because in that case don't compromise yourself just because you think you can handle being his friend, especially if he's with another girl. That's extremely hard for anyone and wouldn't be fair to you unless you know you're truly getting over it and fine being his friend. If you are and that's what he's said he wants then I don't think there's any problem with telling him that. Give him a call and let him know you're wanting to be his friend and maybe meet the girl. But figure out your feelings first. Be fair to you. If you still want to be with him don't try to be his friend, not when he's with someone else. That'd just suck.


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not dumb at all. After all, you still have good feelings just spending time with them.


What Girls Said 2

  • Well I am sorta of in the same situation and it is very difficult.But if you feel that is best stick with your choice.Being friends with someone you were in love is often times very painful especially if they have a new partner.

  • a lot of girlfriend are not OK with the boyfriend having their ex as a friend,have you read the many sad endings on here involving exes? its true


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