He wants the relationship more than I do. Guys, help!!!

Long story short. We've been together for just over 2 years, living together for 8 months. I recently broke it off and we are now in the process of breaking up. Months ago when I brought up the subject of living apart but still dating he flat out told me that no, that wouldn't work, it was all or nothing. He gave valid reasons too and I took them to heart ( not easy when it means that if I ended things I'd be losing one of my best friends). After I broke it off he asked if we could still date. Apparently, after talking to some of his friends he's decided that it could work and that he really doesn't want to lose me and is willing to do what it takes to get me back.

I still love and care for him and would like to remain friends. He really is an awesome guy and does so much right. The reasons I broke it off were mainly that trust had been broken ( he cheated for the first year and almost relapsed a few times since), I wasn't ready to move in together and I needed him to step up more ( yes, I asked him to do so repeatedly). Also, I'm not sure I really like being in a full-on relationship. I value my independence too much.

This has all been very emotional and confusing. Now that I've ended it he's saying all the right things and promising to be a better partner and he really doesn't want to lose me. Trouble is, I've heard it all before and I'm so done. I don't think he's the right man for me. I don't want to give him false hope or hurt him anymore than I already have. Ug! It's the break up that wouldn't stick. Advice? Anyone?


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What Guys Said 2

  • It seems like you answered your own question when you say "I'm so done". When he says he doesn't want to lose you, I get the impression that he already has. You give all kinds of reasons why you would not want to take him back again. It feels like you're on the defense, having to justify to him why you shouldn't take him back. You are under no such obligation.

    Is the problem that you feel your resolve is weakening? Or is a matter of trying to find a way to maintain the friendship after breaking up? This part may be dicey given that he would want any friendship to turn into romance. Attempting a friendship, or even letting him continue to try talk you into taking him back would be a matter of giving him false hopes, if indeed they are false.

    For the record, I remain skeptical that he can be as awesome as you believe when he cheated on you as much as he did.

  • Tell him what you stated here.


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