Stuck in the 'no contact' zone, my choice but hating it. Scared I'll lose him for good.

Official breakup happened about a month ago and it's been 3 weeks with no contact, which was initiated by me. He broke up Because things were getting pretty hard the last month and he'd been having some pretty big personal battles about life right now. He fed me the whole I still love you and believe you're the only one I want to be with but with everything just can't be in a serious relationship tho. However he led me to believe that he still wants to work it out eventually, he left for the summer but still wanted constant contact and plans to see me consistently over break but just couldn't commit himself to a full on relationship like we had. After, I decided I just couldn't do that, it'd be too hard to be around him all the time and know we weren't 'together' together even tho he said he'd get there again one day.

So I said no contact for now, not until he figures out that he wants to be with me. So far he's been abiding with one exception telling me his dog died (thanks for the trap btw), but now I'm starting to lose hope that he'll ever contact me again. Its one of those where I think we both know we're the ones for each other, but I initiated NC and now I'm scared I'm going to lose him for good. I'm starting to want to break the NC since it was my idea but I know you're supposed to give guys their space to miss you, I'm just worried he's going to start letting go Because I'm not around and he'll never contact me like he said he would. Boys are confusing, you say we are but no, you definitely are too! I'm just stuck in this limbo and not happy at all, I don't know what to do. Break NC and maybe try to play his game, Because NC is getting really hard, or suck it up and stick it out hoping he'll come around meanwhile trying to figure out if I should move on.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You were right to say no contact and do not feel guilty. In fact, please do not get back together with him. He wants contact but refuses to say he is in a relationship. It sounds like he's trying to date other girls but won't feel bad because he can say he's not in a relationship. It sounds like he's in the same area as you because it is possible for "you to be around him all the time." That indicates that he does have free time and he's using it to make you a back-up in case he fails at finding another girl that he THINKS is better. He probably still spends a few hours a week watching his favorite shows or out with friends since you did not mentions the extra strains from going to school in addition to working. It's unlikely that he would turn down being with you because he's probably still at the age where sex is extremely important for a guy. Therefore, it's likely that he trying to get another girl while having you as a back-up and he's the type to look for the next best thing.

    Hopefully, you can learn from my situation. I allowed my relationship to go on "a Break" because he was going to be 3000 miles for 3 summer months (but same country) because he kept asking for it so much(making me cry and not focus on school ). He basically used 'the break' as the reason for why we did NOT have to talk more than once every 1.5 to 2 weeks. He said he didn't sleep around but who knows. 4 weeks after we got back together, he was happy to use his (real) busy life as a reason to 'take a break' (although he meant break up). Since he was my first and I was his fifth (he's 29, I'm 22), I convinced him to stay in the relationship, which you'll see why it was bad to do so in the 4th paragraph.

    Eventually after 'the Break,' I got him to admit that he would never try to break up with 'The One' over a busy life and financial stress. I got him to also admit that I am only around until he sees the next best thing.

    If he still has a lot of "stressors" if you contact him again, please do NOT ask to still be in a relationship like I did. I convinced him to go back into a relationship by saying that I would make most of the effort by changing my schedule to fit around his. I also mentioned that I have always brought food over (and would continue to do so after taking me back) so it would lessen his financial and time strains. After getting back together, I was more explicit in my affections. He got used to that and ended up not trying as hard to make me feel loved until the times when he felt too guilty. However he was very consistent in his affection(more than to me) towards his roommate's cute cat. This means that there is room in heart to love an actual girl more than me.

    Please do not get back with him because he will ask for another "break-up" when things get rough to get what he wants out of you or if he sees an opportunity with another girl. My boyfriend fed me those same lines and he tried to ask for another break after I had agreed to the first one.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Think about the reason why you guys broke off in the first place. Think real hard about it because apparently it required a "No Contact" phase. You even said it was an "official" breakup. Then decide for yourself if it's worth trying a relationship with him again, or if it's better to just move on.

    You say that us boys can be complicated, and that may be true, but that's why if you're ever unsure of anything and you see things from a clouded perspective, it's sometimes better to see things from a black-and-white point of view and make decisions there. Gray areas tend to be convoluted (hence why it's called a "gray" area) and you'll just find yourself in limbo as opposed to figuring things out.

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  • You should just lose him for good. It will benefit you well in the long term.

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What Girls Said 3

  • he broke up with you so what do you really have? nc isn't going to make lose interest,he broke it off with u,he wanted to stay friends so there's no hard feelings,u have to look after yourself,staying friends is going to keep you stuck in friend zone,no contact will either wake him up,or he will be on his way like he planned anyways,unfortunately we can't make anyone stay unless they really want to

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  • if you break no contact your probably going to end up in the same situation you started in is that what you want? if so break the no contact. If you want more than don't you have to decide what you will settle for

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  • I think you should let him go ! Like what if he's just using

    You as a booty call>.< sometime the person you want the most

    Is the person your best without (: so just do yourself !

    Don't look back (:

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