My boyfriend private messaged a girl on Facebook he just met!

I want to know whether or not I am justified in being pissed and if I should break up with my boyfriend over the fact that he PM a girl on Facebook he has just met?

Background: Me and boyfriend have been together for over 5years and I have always had a feeling that he is going to cheat on me. Which is unfounded as I have never been cheated on and he has never done anything that I am aware of to justify this feeling. So I have just been suppressing it and said nothing and tried not to stress. We have just gotten back together after a 4 month break, in which I told him to be with other people if he wanted but I will not take him back if that is what he needed to in order to realize he wanted to be with me.

Early on in our relationship we shared our FB and email passwords as we both had nothing to hide from one another. I had never looked into his FB acc before until I noticed that he had become friends with a girl I had never met. When I asked him how he knew her he advised that they met at the first aid class he recently attend. He joked (I hope) that this girl was his perfect woman and then told me they shared a similar passion (bike riding).

This made me feel wary so I checked his FB private messages. He messaged her that day say something along the lines of “good times today, certainly made the day go that bit faster. Let me know if you ever venture over my way again, might have to have a coffee together :)”.

She wrote back and mentioned that she wanted to leave the country next year if she becomes single. He then wrote” the great leap into the unknown! big stones..

let your partner in on the gig, they might just be in on it too! never know. you train out this way much?”

She advised fortnightly depending on the weather which he replied “well on your next trek out here give me a heads up before you do, keen for coffee and tall tales”.

She responded “yeah I was thinking bout that... could be a chance for that over the next two days or next week... I'm just checking out the weatherHe then gave her his number and insisted she call. The conversation ended with her saying “talk soon!”

Justified or not?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • yeah id say he shouldn't be having that conversation when he already has a girlfriend (you). kinda messed up, its not like he acted on anything sexual but its the beginning stages cause he asked her out for coffee and he gave his number, so she's being respectful and shrugging it off and saying she's leaving the country not interested, whereas he's trying to get with her...

    at least that's what I got from the convo. I think you should confront him and take it from there. be calm and rational just let him know you are disappointed and how he should be asking you for coffee not some other girl. just leave it at that. don't fight don't argue see if he feels guilt. ask him if he loves you. ask him if he wants to see other people? like instead of fighting and yelling talk to him psychologically asking him what he wants, put it on him.

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    • I was hoping to see an answer like yours...I was hoping more people would say that I am being paranoid. I suppose I just have to put it out there and see what he has to say for himself. I really do hope that it's innocent and they just share a connection over biking. :(

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What Guys Said 3

  • trust the guy under me. you're doing the paranoid girl stuff that some girls do. I think in this case he should break up with you cause you make the world out of it. I think I'm gonna get downvoted too :D

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  • With the most respect I can muster : I think you're being a little paranoid. I'm sorry; I know that a rough relationship history can generate natural unease. However, I don't see signs of a cheater here. If he's asking about a movie, hanging out at his/her place...well then yes, perhaps it would be wise to investigate.

    But you want to break up with him because he made small talk over a social media site? I think you need to give him a little slack, he's not being pretentious.

    Honestly, this is not break-up material. However, I must confess if you feel you cannot trust him, then this relationship is doomed. In which case, perhaps it would be best to break up.

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  • Justified.

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What Girls Said 4

  • he has no business VENTURING out with another female unless he lets you in on it and you are OK with that,but he is doing it secretly and if this girl was to be more interested I think he would in fact cheat..u sense something,believe it

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  • Did you come with a Factory Warning label against making new friends?

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    • this does not sound like he is making friends,he wants to meet her out,he told his girlfriend she is the perfect woman..red flag,theres a big difference between making friends and flirting and inviting out for coffee,he didn't take it farther because the other girl is obviously not interested in him

    • She said he jokingly said it.. and referenced an interest that they have in common, which I assume the QA has ZERO interest in.. that is what makes the joke...

      I've gone to coffee with lots of male friends...

      Her comment about wanting to leave the country, it seems is more about life changes for her then telling the Boyfriend she isn't interested... hell, the Boyfriend tells her to talk to her own partner about her desires..

      I read this totally as 2 new friends..

      QA is a confessed paranoid.

  • Your boyfriend is an effing a**hole.

    It's totally innapropriate for him to be having coffe with another girl who is "perfect for him"

    Dumb him.

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  • Not cool. Your long term serious boyfriend trying to hang out with some chick. That's a no no. Definitely confront him about this. Also make sure you make him talk to her and tell her they can no longer speak . Seems like they hung out already.

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