What are the rules of "taking a break"

I've never been in this situation... What are the rules in a break? We've been together for two years and have been engaged for 7 months. It's gotten rocky lately. It's complicated for us because I love him and I want to be together but I've called a break because he's got to learn to appreciate me if we are going to stay together and I just need some space. Although tears were shed and it was hard to grasp, we've decided to call each other "friends" for now and then get back together in a month to see where we're at then. . There's a lot more to the story but everyone doesn't need to know the whole story.. I just need to know what the rules are if we're not exactly together but we're going to be getting back together.. Most people don't think a break means you can go f*** someone else, do they? That wouldn't be good.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Having a break should mean to generate a little space and to realize what each of you would feel if they lost the other, but by no means does it mean to go and sleep with someone, because although your on a break, your relationship is not broken, but would be if either one betrayed the other, so to make an effort to fix problems within the relationship by having sex with someone else is just unacceptable. You should both use the time to reflect on the relationship and find each others space, and to realize if either of you miss each other, because this is the first sign of you taking each other for granted, and sometimes, just a little break away from each other can fix this, but never betray one another, not if the plan is to get back together. Your not splitting up, your just doing the mature thing needeed to take the relationship to another level, not to see what it is like to shag someone else,x

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What Guys Said 10

  • A "break" is mostly bull$hit. Breaks almost always result in breakUPS.

    If you're having problems in a relationship (and most people have them from time to time), you either work on those problems TOGETHER, or you're almost always going to drive your relationship into the ground.

    Yes, usually in a "break", one or the other person ends up messing around with someone else, and it's not always who you suspect it will be (sometimes it's the person who wanted to stay together, who is lost without someone to comfort them), and that will doom the relationship.

    When I get together with a girl, one thing we talk about early on is that she is free to leave at any time, and I will never try to force her to stay, BUT, if she walks out the door, she can just keep going, because there's no coming back. None of this "break" crap. I won't tolerate it. We fix our problems together, or we're done.

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  • The problem here is...the rules of the "break" weren't discussed beforehand.

    I would ask him if this break entails being able to pursue, date, kiss and be sexual with other people or not.

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  • The rules are what you make of it.

    I would say a week or two; usually not more than a couple of months, depending on the reason for the break. If it's just really busy and you both need time to prioritize better, or get past school/work issues, then that's a decision you both make.

    No, a break should not mean that you can date other people, (I don't even agree with dating someone within a week of a past breakup, though there's nothing "morally" wrong with it in most areas) in my opinion, but again, that's something you both need to be clear about.

    To me, a break is kind of an "It's complicated" situation. That means that before you choose to date anyone else (or sleep with anyone else), you need to fix the issue in some way; either by sticking with that relationship, or breaking up.

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  • i don't believe in breaks, you are either together or your not, if a guy or girl wants to take a break from you you might as well break up there and then

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  • Of course they do. And its the first thing I'd advise any male in this situation to do.

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  • There are no rules unless you two make them. It's important to discuss this right away, what is okay to do during the break and what is not etc. If you need space just say that you need time alone but that you're still a couple. Saying that you're taking a break implies you're putting off the whole relationship for a small period of time, so it's very easy to assume that taking a break means you're either breaking up or you're gonna let each other sleep around. Be very clear with him about what the rules are.

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  • a break is we are still together but apart.

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  • Taking a break means drifting apart from each other for a while.

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  • you should always discuss the boundaries beforehand...

    who knows? technically you guys aren't together. everyone can interpret that in their own way. of course, two people that really care about each other wouldn't see other people tho.

    the thing to keep in mind this stuff happens in times of weakness. who knows? mebe he's thinking that it's most likely over for good. hearing the I need a break is never a good sign and often signals the end of a chapter.

    u said you wanted a break and that you guys would see where you're at in a month. to him, that doesn't mean you guys are getting back together does it? it seems like you wanted time apart so that he can appreciate you more, but you already know that you want to get back together...he doesn't know that tho, does he?

    the problem is if he goes and messes around while on the break, you're gon get angry at him for doing so and it will cause even more problems than you guys had originally. you should have made it clear before implementing the break...unless you are testing him I suppose...

    you should just meet up for lunch as "friends" and just casually ask if each person is expected not to see other people.

    to be honest tho, you're gambling in hopes that absence makes the heart grow fonder and just playing games. but I suppose it needs to be done, relationships and love are all just a game anyways

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  • Well when a girl said that to me it basically meant the relationship was over. I think it depends on the person.

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What Girls Said 4

  • do not go to friend zone or you may mess up the chance at getting back together,partnership is a friendship and obviously that was going astray that's why there was a break called...now ..like the other answerer said,u need to clarify what a break means...yes or no to dating others...let him say it first so you know where his mind is at,if you say it first he may just be agreeing to make you happy.ask him his take

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  • Yes, a lot of people do think that taking a break means they can go screw other people. To be perfectly honest, in order to avoid a heartbreaking Ross/Rachel situation here, I think you should just ask him what he thinks it means. If he bangs some chick and you find out and get upset, he can justify it by saying that you - who asked for the break in the first place - never defined the sexual boundaries. So you need to either ask him if he's going to be hooking up with girls or, since you already know that would hurt you, contact him ASAP and request that he doesn't. And you should make it clear that you won't be messing around with anyone else either. That way, you'll both know the rules, no one will get hurt, and it'll give you both some time to evaluate your relationship. Good luck!

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  • I would agree that the rules are that you can not go f*** someone else. But I always wonder how you'd know.

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  • a lot of people might, you want to be careful here

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