What makes a woman lose interest/chemistry with a guy

So I'm trying to figure out what happened with my ex and why I got dumped. When I first met her she was crazy about me as I was her. We were spending the night together, seeing each other a lot and things were going great. After a few months she began to lose interest and even seemed like she was pushing me away. I tried talking to her about it and she just said "I don't know, you're amazing and I know you're like the perfect guy for me. You're smart and funny and attractive and I appreciate everything you do but I just don't feel that strongly for you anymore." I never gave up on her because I fell in love with her. But it seemed like no matter how hard I tried it just wasn't the same. After a year she told me she felt like we were more friends than anything else. She said she used to want to have sex with me but now she has no more desire to. We used to have sex quite often.. but then after a while it stopped altogether.

I was always there for her and was always trying to be a good boyfriend. What happened? Why does she see me as a friend now instead of as a partner? She said herself I didn't do anything wrong.. I know there's no other guys.. we still talk and she's still single. So somebody please explain to me what happened. Is it common for women to lose interest? Was her attraction level just not high enough to make it a long term relationship? Could I have done something different? She was married before so I know she's capable of a long term relationship.. it must be my fault somehow right? I'm so lost. What could I have done differently? Thanks


Most Helpful Girl

  • Women lose interest for different reasons. Sometimes it's because the guy isn't treating them right, or it's because the guy is showing disinterest.

    I know you are in love with her, but maybe she just wasn't feeling it? She has been married before, and with any woman who has been in a long-term relationship, she knows what she wants in life, and more importantly, what she doesn't want.

    I don't think it's fair that she didn't explicitly tell you why she lost interest. But really it could be as simple as she just wasn't feeling it anymore. People's tastes and interest levels change. And as hard as it is to hear those words coming from someone you love, it does happen.

    If she truly has lost interest, no amount of begging, pleading or talk is going to make her come back.

    What you need to do is to stop communicating with her. Give her time to miss you. If she truly loves you, then she is going to come back. If she doesn't come back, as hard as it is to feel, she didn't love you. But at least then you know and you can move on eventually.

    I know it's hard, I've had people fall out of love with me too. It does happen to both genders. But the good thing is that you now have a chance to possibly meet a girl who is going to be crazy about you too! And stay crazy about you!


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What Girls Said 10

  • We just lose the spark once we don't see long term potential. You may have been a little over bearing or turned into her doormat.

    Did you treat her like a partner or did you put her on a pedestal?

    I want a partner, not someone who makes me out to be better than I actually am...

    • "I want a partner, not someone who makes me out to be better than I actually am..."

      u mean over appreciation, overcaring? do you actually feel that you are better than what you are so you start to think that you deserve better than him? seriously I have that problem I mean if she is pretty I care a lot, appreciate a lot about her beauty. is it the reason I get hurt with every relationship?

    • No. I never feel better than anyone - we're all the same. It's when he pretty much idolises me and pretty much loses himself in trying to constantly impress me whether it be by agreeing with EVERYTHING I say or basically turing into a copy of me.

      We want to be with a partner, someone who treats us like equals, challenges us and is their own person.

  • I can only speak for myself(and some girls around me)but boredom can be a reason. Some girls,like some guys, can get bored of a person very fast and go see if someone else can bring them butterflies again. Even if the guy is very nice and sweet, if the spark is gone on her side you can't do much

  • What makes me lose interest is


    They're jerks

    They're not thoughtful

    They don't care about you

    My inner demons telling me I should leave him for obvious reasons

    My ADD

    Constantly competing with other women

    He always brings up his exes (makes me feel like Scott Pilgrim)

    He compares me to other women

    He criticizes vulnerable attributes about me and my body

    He hardly ever reminds me that there is love and interest still

    When they seem to have lost interest

    Yeah I am sure there are more...

  • I think it was lust on her part and not on yours, that simple I'm afraid. She moved on after she got what she wanted from the relationship.

  • sad story tell her that does she still love you as a partner.or just stay friends with her mybe she just need space

  • someetimes people just drift apart...

  • i agree with darkandexquisite. Boredom can be a reason. It may be because you guys don't do things together anymore, like everything becomes so "routine" or she becomes the one who plans all the activities. I don't want to say my situation is the same, but very similar. I lost interest in my ex. He felt like a very good friend and that I didn't even want to kiss him or hold his hand because it felt so weird. It went on for more than a month and I just couldn't deal with it. He is trying to rekindle our love but I don't know if that would work.

  • i agree with johnnybgood, sometimes its things that can't really be explained well, its just the contrasting things that add up to losing attraction for someone.

    for example, I recently liked this one guy, and he wasn't perfect but our chemistry was good and I loved talking to him and I could just be myself with him and I really fell for him, but as time went on I didn't like certain things about him that really added up, like one time he embarrassed me by putting me on the spot, another time he said something macho, he called a nice person psycho whom I thought was mean, and he was very judgmental of others and thought too highly of himself, another friend of mine thought he was gay for some reason, he was also bipolar sometimes he was so rude and mean to me other times sweet like a puppy, he didn't reply to my texts, I couldn't keep up with it anymore and felt uneasy around him and yea lost interest.

    i guess sometimes we see a negative side of someone and its hard to turn back and be okay with it.

    may be her perception of you changed. may be you rubbed her the wrong way somehow. could be personality wise mainly, but sometimes physical. may be sex wasn't good enough for her. either way though you have to think of this way that you were just being you right? and she was being herself, so if its not working out and the love is one sided, then its not meant to be, its not a good match, compatibility isn't there anymore. and you should rather find a girl who likes you for you and doesn't mind your bad sides.

  • When we find a better guy.



What Guys Said 9

  • You did EVERYTHING "wrong". It's too late for this girl so STOP talking to her and move on.

    There are many reasons why women lose interest but only a few why they gain interest. They gain interest when the interest isn't all about the real you and they lose interest when it is all about the real you. Women are attracted to money power and fame. Forget about what you see in the movies and the "advice" women give about they men they "want" to be with.

    Think about this for a second. If women REALLY wanted "nice guys", men that are faithful, someone always loving caring giving and with a great personality then you would think that all men would be this way. If being a "jerk" or a "bad boy" or lying about what we had didn't work then men wouldn't do it and women wouldn't be with them.

    Looks come into play, but there has to be a "equal trade of value" for that particular woman that effects her mentally so she will stay. At the end of the day women don't realize when a man is doing great things for her (to her) because of their sense of entitlement. The problem with this is that EVERYONE can perform the acts of a "gentleman", that's why it has little meaning now.

    Women get bored quick, bend logic, expect the "right" things at the "right" time, judge but don't want to be judged, love drama, ignore reality, embrace fantasy, sell themselves to the highest bidder, and make excuses for their emotions. Now lets get with the interest/chemistry attraction thing.

    Stand out. Normal is "boring". You have to be FUN and outgoing with and without her. Share some interests but have many of your own. Don't fall into a routine.

    Challenge women, it keeps things interesting. If you think of something good to do for her do the opposite. You treat them like crap they come back for more.

    Don't always be reliable. Stay busy and have a life, especially a night life.

    Status and ambition. Even if you don't have "anything" you can get away with having ambition and passion.

    Don't be "friends" with women. That's not the reason why you are there in the first place.

    Stand your ground. Women want to be with MEN. The more you bend to her will the more respect and attraction she will lose for you. No compromising. If you are demanded to do something you don't want to do or to give up something that makes you who you are, have the balls to say NO.

    NEVER put a woman on a pedestal and no chasing. You have to make it so she feels she is lucky to have you, not the other way around.

    Don't do so much talking. Anything you say can and WILL be used against you. SHUT UP and let her run her mouth, but don't let her talk about other guys. Don't be in a rush to tell everything, keep a mystery.

    Don't tell a woman how you feel, show her. If you go for a kiss and she pulls away that tells you everything you need to know.

    Nice guys finish last. Nuff' said.

    Confidence and courage are man qualities that women crave. Show potential and bump up your value.

  • Women lose interest in men as soon as the man falls in love with the woman or the man has more feelings than the woman has towards him.

    Read that sentence 10 times over and you use it wisely to your next relationship.

    Her feelings changing Is her way of saying you are no longer a challenge to me, her interest level drops when you don't keep the relationship interesting as well...You have to keep dating your woman, don't ever assume that you are "settled" with her.

    This is the funny thing guys think, the guy moves towards settlement and less expectations while the woman moves towards more expectations from the relationship. That is why the divorce rates are so high when a guy assumes he is settled with his woman when they are married while she just thinks now finally my new life will begin, eeehh it doesn’t happen, she files for divorce.

    So you are dating a woman? Good, you want to keep her interest level high? Well you have to keep dating her, yes it's high maintenance sometimes.

    Relationships ends because one or both parties reach a certain point in which there is no turning back from and that is usually when she breaks up, but before her interest level drops and she breaks up with you, you will notice certain sings, like less interest in you, withdrawal, blaming, less sexual desire etc..That can go on for months before the actual bomb drops, if you are good at noticing these sings you do something about it before it's too late.

    In your case, your girl could be a borderline just like my ex was, in that case read this link it will help you understand what happened and if it was like that then it's not your fault at all.

    So for the next girl to keep her interest level up in the 90's like 90% if it's 100% she could robe a bank for you, that's how much she would care. But if it's below 49% it's over. Usually it starts around 60-70% when you date someone and goes up to 80% or more...Then drops down to 60-70% that's when you notice the sings and when it reaches 55-50% it's near the break up..(Source example: link )

    So what can you do about this girl now that it's over and you have broken up? Well she lost the respect for you, you fell for her it's pretty much over.

    You see a woman’s game is all about getting a guy to fall for them as soon as that happens or it's no longer a challenge she gets tired of the relationship. Just as a guys game is to get a woman in bed if it's too easy it's no fun and it's not a challenge, it's the same opposite analogy.

    That's why women don't like a henpecked husband and fall for the bad boys, and that is why guys don't like sluts and rather would settle with a fine and elegant woman, because there is no challenge = no fun = no attraction in both parties.

    • Does that mean you have to be a mean bad boy? No but don’t be a wuss either, be somewhere in-between, be nice but fair, stand up for yourself when you know you are right but don’t be completely stubborn, have the ability to agree sometimes as well.

      I think that’s the kind of guy woman would like to be around with, a real man that respects himself first and foremost and then her.

      You know it’s easier to like someone then to actually love them, at least then it’s justified.

    • And yes I forgot, it takes longer time for a woman to fall in love with a guy then a guy in a woman, so that's why they get scared off if you like them too much and that's why they are attracted to guys that show less interest in them that they like.

      In your case, she was crazy in love with you because you probably was a challenge to her in the beginning then you began falling for her right?

    • This exact thing happened with me as well, In the beginning I wasn’t interested that much, then with time I became and that’s when her interest level started to drop, or it might just have been all about her borderline condition in that case it was beyond my control because it was either give her everything and lose myself in the process and gain nothing in the end or save myself from the eminent black hole of her soul.

      Hahaha yeah well it was something like that. You can only give so much.

  • Sorry pal, my instincts, I bet that sweet little girl you love is getting power banged doggy style like a cheap Ho by some D-Bag. Same old sh*t mate, nice guys finish last. Be very careful who you give yourself to emotionally. How you feel after you've slept with a woman, she feels the same after she knows you love her. She used you, move on, forget she ever existed, just another notch on your belt.

  • she was a wornout second hand, you ownd her, maintained her polished her loved her. and now she couldn't digest it. you should never give so much of love to anyone. take a picture of hers' masturbate and drop your come on it spit on it and flush it in the toilet. It will be easy for you to move on.

  • only 2 reasons:

    1. physically, you aren't f***ing her right and she wants or is already f***ing someone who is a lot better.

    2. emotionally, you are too available, women are bitches, they only want what they can't have. Once they have you, they don't want you.

  • Listen mate, I know exactly where you are coming from, I'm dealing with the same thing only she hasn't exactly gotten rid of me yet and there is another guy though they both deny it, but I want to extend my help if you want it, sadly I know my my break up is coming and all but I'm happy to help because I did turn into the doormat...and now she lies to me, walks all over me, and uses me like a germaphobe using germX lol but anyway I don't think hardly any guy can answer this question perfectly because we don't know how they work...i mean if we did then we wouldn't have a need for this site lol But just stay strong brother, she will see that she is missing something good one day, just gotta give that love battery some time to recharge :)

    Goodluck my friend.

  • Distance usually

  • They always say you didn't do anything wrong, just as they politely tell you they have zero interest in being around you.

    My best guess... you got too "nice" once you thought you had her. You didn't keep the spice and excitement in the relationship. Like, ever heard of dread game? It works wonders to keep a girl interested, and revive past interest.

  • if she found someone who is better looking . Girls only want looks

    • We tend to date people who are somewhat equal in attractiveness as ourselves. If you're constantly being turned down due to your looks it's because YOU only care about looks and keep going for girls a lot hotter than you.

    • what makes you sure first of all and number 2 : I see fat girls walking with good looking guys all the time

    • Shit the girl I was talking to for a month was a hottie! But she turned me down to be with her fat boyfriend and I'm in shape wtf! Haha

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