To sleep or not to sleep with the ex? That is the question.

So my boyfriend (well now ex) recently dumped me. He was all like "we can still be friends, I want to be a part of your life, you deserve the best, you can still visit the pets ect..."

From what I am getting at from our texting conversations is that he thought he wasn't good enough for me and that he could never give me what I deserve, love. Not that I am pinning for love or anything.

I never wanted to break up, but alas we are here. He still wants to be my "best friend" but I think that might be a sh*tastic idea. I told him he is just fanning a flame he is trying to extinguish ect...

Well we still talk and today we might "hang out" if you know what I mean. I still like him and would like to get back with him but I don't know the same for him.

I am hoping that we could get back together today since today would have been our 5 month anniversary if it were not for our break up 3 days ago...

What do y'all think?
Updates:
He told me that he didn't want to break up but he wanted a break?

I am not very familiar with the term break and what it leads up to. I am very skeptical of this "break," he said it was just a time to think but still talk to each other, but not wh*re around (I am a decent woman.). And then come to a decision or terms, and well I already told him I made up my mind so now the ball is in his court and it blows! We act like we are still in a relationship but we're in a break? this is confusing!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you have emotions involved then no definitely don't do it. don't be a toy to him that he can pick up and play with whenever he wants.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Personally, I never go backward. Through personal experience and naturalistic observation, it's rarely a good thing. It brings back the wrong feelings and unconscious resentment and inter-internal conflict still exists. Keep your head facing forward. Never go back.

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  • No guy in the history of relationships has ever said "I don't think I'm good enough for you" and actually meant it.

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    • So he was just trying not to make me feel like crap?

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    • They may have never said it(were you actually serious when you stated that), but there are many guys that feel they are not good enough for a certain type of woman(hence the reason why there are abstract leagues)

    • If you are with a girl, and you are in a RELATIONSHIP, meaning, you know for a fact she is attracted to you, you don't just give it up all of a sudden because you think "you aren't good enough for her."

  • I'm a fan of the old adage, don't buy the cow if you can get the milk for free.

    If you two are going to "hang out," then why should he date you and deal with all the drama and commitment and expectations and being tied down to one woman? He can "hang out" with you and still play the field.

    But this is your decision. If you want to have a casual friends with benefits relationship, by all means, go ahead. Personally, I'm actually a big fan of the friends with benefits scenario.

    But if you want to date him again or want a relationship with him, then friends with benefits is not the way to go. If you want a relationship, then sex is the bonus of being in the relationship and being friends is just that, being a friend. You'll find out pretty quickly if he wants to actually be your friend or just wants in your pants.

    And keep using alas. Those kinds of words are lost in today's slang-infested, texting-abbreviated world.

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  • first of all 5 months is not really an anniversary. second of all nobody uses "alas" anymore. and third you broke up 3 days ago and now you are gonna hang out? pointless. absolutely no

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    • First, I know but I like saying it. Secondly I am not part of everybody, I frankly do not care to be a part of everybody. And third I do stupid sh*t sometimes, I am only human.

  • u have nothing to lose sleeping with him. may be he is afraid of sleeping alone.

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  • stupid

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What Girls Said 5

  • If ya want to get back with him then DON'T sleep with him!

    Go out with ya girlfriends on this day! He's only going to use you for sex because he knows you are there waiting for him so why does he need to 'return' to you? Sex is on tap for him isn't it?

    Make him hunger for you by moving on with your life and having fun with your girlfriends.

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  • First of all, that 'break' is unnecessary if you still act like you're in a relationship.I mean seriously, no offense meant,but yeah I think that ridiculous. Being on break, I believe would just make things more complicated. I've been there done that. My ex and I took a 'break' but in the end I was left alone with him whoring around with another woman. And most of all, don't sleep with him. Your complicated situation will not only become even more complicated but will also hurt you.

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  • "you're too good for me" means that he's too shy to tell you the actual reason and is trying not to hurt your feelings.

    If you have feelings for him, don't do it but if you don't it's fine!

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  • Please don't say yes to "taking a break" and hurt yourself. I've been in your situation and it will not go well. My relationship (for reference) starts in the 2nd paragraph. A break depends on the agreement b/w the couple. Some people use the break to screw other people while having their partner as a back up. That's why the person who wanted the break in the first place usually acts like they're still in a relationship. Some people use 'the break' to segue into a break-up or is cowardly sugar-coating how the relationship is not going well and that it will likely end up in a real break-up if the relationship doesn't get better.

    My boyfriend used "taking a break" while he was studying for the summer in a different US state 3000 miles away as a license to ignore me whenever he felt like it but talking to me enough (every 1.5 to 2 weeks) so that I would still be there when he came back. I still don't know if he actually slept around(he says he hasn't though). After he came back, we got back together. After 4 weeks from the start of the fall semester of college, both school and work stress got to him and he kept bringing up "taking a break again" for the next 6 weeks. He said he missed the lack of stress from the summer. Like your boyfriend, he wanted to still keep in contact in a case we could get back in a relationship. In retrospect, I think I would have turned into his last-ditch booty call if I had agreed to 'taking a break'. Eventually, he admitted that "the Break" would VERY likely turn into a Break-up. I didn't agree to "go on a break" that fall semester because I wouldn't be able to focus on schoolwork (He's my first boyfriend and I'm not promiscuous). I convinced him to stay because in the reality of our relationship, I'm so low maintenance to the point that we never go out during school semesters because he's so busy and I supply half his groceries (or I'll never have any food when I randomly sleep over at his place 1-3 nights a week)

    Later on, I got him to admit that he would never try to break up with 'The One' over a busy life and financial stress. I also got him to admit that I am only around until he sees the next best thing. I realized that he's a bit of a jerk that takes advantage of me and his parents. He's a buys expensive stuff because his mom is willing to put up with it. He'll talk about how he'll act in theoretical situations and it sounds like he's a nice guy (or will show it eventually) but in reality, he's "too busy to think logically"(his excuse) on how to not act self-entitled sometimes. Between school semesters, he'll take on more voluntary school work like competitions or his reading-load about his field so we don't have a lot of quality time together other than studying in the same room. He eats out more with his classmates than with me because he's 'so broke.'

    He said the same lines as your (ex)boyfriend so keep that in mind. If you stay with him, you're giving him (IN HIS MIND) permission to treat you poorly.

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    • Wow, this is eerie, you sound like me :/

      Except my 'ex?' is not as jerky, but yeah I agree :(

      He's also my first real boyfriend so it burns you know?

    • Update? So did you go on break with him or officially broke things off.

      Yeah, I really tried my best to warn you because we are so similar. I agree with you on the first real boyfriend bit. That's why I think I'm going to avoid a new relationship for the next few years and focus on school instead.

  • If I was you , I would cut all ties with him. If you continue seeing him as a friend, all your doing is hurting yourself. As far as I see it All he wants is sex .

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