Would ignoring him make him miss me or forget about me?

My ex-boyfriend & I broke up 4 days ago, after dating for 15 months & being friends for 2 years before that. We moved in together right after we started dating. We've moved half a dozen times, lived in a car, combined finances, have a dog & a cat & about 6 months ago got our own apartment. We've been through so much, know everything about each other & hardly went a day without seeing each other. We were like a married couple.

We also fought; there were phases where I felt he wasn't trying hard enough to be romantic or make me feel special, so I became quiet & distant, he noticed, become unhappy, then mad, then one day we'd both blow up into a huge fight. He'd name-call & say horrible things, I'd threaten to break up with him, which I did a few times. He'd sleep on the couch, then after a few days of both of us being sad & realizing that we're miserable without each other, we'd make up & promise to work on things, & things will be different. We then both cherish each other openly for weeks, until he starts to slack off again & I feel like I'm being taken for granted. & the cycle continues.

Most recently, I did move out. I got my furniture, I'm off the lease. I thought it'd get nasty, but surprisingly, it went well, as far as break ups go. We met up, discussed how we're splitting furniture & the bank account, & everything is fair & we're even helping each other to make this as easy as possible.

That night, I called him & told him I still love him, & we do need our space but by moving out I was originally hoping we could take some of the pressure off, but still be together. He didn't say much but didn't seem to go for it & worried that we'd just move in again right away & fight like before.

We agreed we don't want to lose our friendship. We're still keeping in contact: I feel like I shouldn't mention the relationship too much now though, because he seems very unsure of what to do & I don't want to push him away even more. I want him back so so bad. When we're good, it's so great. We were even discussing marriage just weeks ago.

Right after the fight, he texted me saying he wants me to stay & we could talk that night, not realizing I wasn't coming home this time. We've hurt each other so much, too much. But we make each other happier than I ever thought was possible. I know he must be upset, but I really want to be able to show him my idea about us living separately, becoming more self-sufficient and finding ourselves, but still being in a relationship--just less pressure.

I know we have our problems, but I don't want to miss out on how great we can be together. I have no appetite for food, other men, nothing. & that's not like me. Before him, I hated relationships & break ups meant freedom to me. Now, I'm just empty. I feel like I'm meant to be with him. If I leave him alone & give him time to miss me, will he maybe realize how great we were and come back? Or would not seeing me just make it easier for him to forget me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you are right, moving out takes the pressure off. Keep in contact, keep tellinghim ou miss him, and I think he'll realize that you should be a permanent couple.

    But you're right, give each other some time to be single and think before you move back in together.

    Make sure you have realistic expectations. When you live together, some of the romance does fade; it's not going to be like the introductory dating stage, so mysterious and unpredictable.

    That's a fact of an LTR..you have to accept that.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds normal. It's rare to see genuine love on this website. I don't think you need advice on what to do; this will handle itself. Love always does.

  • It would make him forget about you.


What Girls Said 2

  • Yeah this is a tricky one. I'm actually in the same boat as in moving out because I feel taken for granted. We're engaged and going to stay engaged but I'm living with a friend for a few weeks until he sees that I'm not just there to fold his clothes and make him dinner. We both work so it's unfair to me to come home from a 12hr shift and cook/clean while he plays video games all day. Mine is more stuck in the juvenile stage but he's never once name-called or treated me like dirt. He knows everything about me. From my deepest secrets to my tiniest flaws and he's never once used any of them against me in a fight--actually, we've never even fought in that type of way. We only bicker like an old married couple that usually turns into us rolling around on the floor wrestling or tickling each other. And this continues even after being together for 2 years. Sometimes physically I feel taken for granted but my heart never does.

    It sounds to me like you guys fight too much and maybe breaking up wasn't a bad idea. Actually your relationship sounds a lot like my parents one. My mom left my dad after 15 years of marriage. When it was good--it was great. When it was bad--it was really bad. And most of the time is was really bad. I know you said that you two would be good for a few weeks until he stopped trying.. Well I know from experience that when you go through a lot with a guy, it's the hardest thing in the world to realize that you're worth more and should be treated better, (and I'm proud of you for realizing that) but sometimes the guys never learn. I did exactly what you did with my ex-boyfriend and he forgot about me. I did my best to forget about him in return and eventually I found the love of my life. We have our moments, like any couple, but he's the only one for me.

    Moving out is a good idea but keep in mind that you might not get the outcome you hoped for but eventually you might realize that it was what you needed. Some relationships make us feel empty when we break up because we felt that we couldn't live with the person, because they made us feel worthless without them. Only you can dig down to those feared emotions and decide why you're scared to lose him. If you were to make a pros/cons list, would the bad out-way the good?

    Honestly, it sounded to me while reading this that because you two went through so much together, you've become more addicted to each other than you are in love. People who truly know how to love each other don't say hurtful things to each other and they need to have open communication or it's pointless to even be involved because there will always be issues. Sometimes we grow so attached to someone because they become our whole life that we can't picture our lives without them and that ends up being why we stay and put up with being treated like dirt. If he is afraid to lose you and if he sees how serious you are, he'll make changes by himself; but if he moves on, it may have been for the best. Good luck!

  • Go back to him. Your meant for each other. Reading this was a little hear breaking. You both know you love each other. Not being together well ruin everything. A little time apart is good but you twoshould move back in together.


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