My ex-boyfriend & I broke up 4 days ago, after dating for 15 months & being friends for 2 years before that. We moved in together right after we started dating. We've moved half a dozen times, lived in a car, combined finances, have a dog & a cat & about 6 months ago got our own apartment. We've been through so much, know everything about each other & hardly went a day without seeing each other. We were like a married couple.
We also fought; there were phases where I felt he wasn't trying hard enough to be romantic or make me feel special, so I became quiet & distant, he noticed, become unhappy, then mad, then one day we'd both blow up into a huge fight. He'd name-call & say horrible things, I'd threaten to break up with him, which I did a few times. He'd sleep on the couch, then after a few days of both of us being sad & realizing that we're miserable without each other, we'd make up & promise to work on things, & things will be different. We then both cherish each other openly for weeks, until he starts to slack off again & I feel like I'm being taken for granted. & the cycle continues.
Most recently, I did move out. I got my furniture, I'm off the lease. I thought it'd get nasty, but surprisingly, it went well, as far as break ups go. We met up, discussed how we're splitting furniture & the bank account, & everything is fair & we're even helping each other to make this as easy as possible.
That night, I called him & told him I still love him, & we do need our space but by moving out I was originally hoping we could take some of the pressure off, but still be together. He didn't say much but didn't seem to go for it & worried that we'd just move in again right away & fight like before.
We agreed we don't want to lose our friendship. We're still keeping in contact: I feel like I shouldn't mention the relationship too much now though, because he seems very unsure of what to do & I don't want to push him away even more. I want him back so so bad. When we're good, it's so great. We were even discussing marriage just weeks ago.
Right after the fight, he texted me saying he wants me to stay & we could talk that night, not realizing I wasn't coming home this time. We've hurt each other so much, too much. But we make each other happier than I ever thought was possible. I know he must be upset, but I really want to be able to show him my idea about us living separately, becoming more self-sufficient and finding ourselves, but still being in a relationship--just less pressure.
I know we have our problems, but I don't want to miss out on how great we can be together. I have no appetite for food, other men, nothing. & that's not like me. Before him, I hated relationships & break ups meant freedom to me. Now, I'm just empty. I feel like I'm meant to be with him. If I leave him alone & give him time to miss me, will he maybe realize how great we were and come back? Or would not seeing me just make it easier for him to forget me?
Most Helpful Guy
I think you are right, moving out takes the pressure off. Keep in contact, keep tellinghim ou miss him, and I think he'll realize that you should be a permanent couple.
But you're right, give each other some time to be single and think before you move back in together.
Make sure you have realistic expectations. When you live together, some of the romance does fade; it's not going to be like the introductory dating stage, so mysterious and unpredictable.
That's a fact of an LTR..you have to accept that.0