I feel like a failure...

So I'll try and give as much background as possible it could get lengthy so bare with me.

I'm 31 and I've had two long term relationships in this time. I was never really popular with guys in schools and I was terribly nervous/shy. When I was 21 I met my first long term boyfriend who I was with for 5.5 years but it ended messily he was mentally and psychically abusive and left me in a lot if debt, people were always telling me to get rid of him so I eventually did.

I met my next boyfriend through a friend a few months later and we hit it off. He was everything my ex wasn't and we started 'seeing' each other. He was the polar opposite to my ex and was always taking me out and I would stay over at his. It was a nice change. I would stay over at his every weekend but we never met each others parents or friends and some of my friends would comment on that being weird but I never thought anything of it.

Two years into the 'relationship' my mother sadly passed away, as you can imagine I was devastated, my ex was supportive in his own weird way but never came to the funeral to support me and because my head was such a mess I never thought anything of it but my friends were very unhappy about him not being there for me.

The death of my mother hit me very hard. She was my life and my world without her was turned upside down. I'm a Pisces so I'm quite an emotional and sensitive person, I'd break down a lot and my ex was always telling me to "get over it and stop using it as an excuse". Me being me I thought maybe I did have a problem.

So fast forward two years and it's like I suddenly had an epiphany because I come to realize my 'relationship' with my ex has all been about him. He doesn't call me his girlfriend, he doesn't want me to meet his parents, he allows me to come to his place but only when it suits him, we take trips but only when he wants to. Even the weekend when my mum died he made ME go to him, he allowed me to get a train in tears to go and meet him while his car sat outside his home. It all just hit me.

Even with regards to intimacy it was all about HIM being left satisfied whilst his attitude was at least I got to sleep with him! Four years of me putting myself out there for a guy who realistically couldn't give a damn about me as long as he was benefitting.

So I took control and told him I wouldn't be visiting anymore. He tried to make out he was fine with that but when he's been drink he's been texting that he misses me. He's lost his chance though.

Now I'm just sad. As usual I'm being hard on myself for allowing myself to be used like that. I'm too considerate of others sometimes and far too selfless and all I ever seem to get is it thrown back in my face. I can't believe for the last two relationships I've had that I've allowed people to do this to me. I feel like my ex was ashamed of me and that's why he treated me like that.

I'm most angry because my mum died and all she knew was her daughter had a thing for jerks. What now?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi hunny look it may not help but I have been in 3 relationships I fell for each one deeply. 1st one he was a control freak and I only had my eyes opened 5 years into the relationship even though friends and family expressed concern 2nd was a user and 3rd ego booster attention seeker cheat. Basically I felt like 'is this it' I was always the one to reassure them mind them and care too much. Its like we attract a type. Well I am still currently single but id rather that than anymore hurt. Our prince is there we just stumbled amongst the frogs xxx sorry for the loss of your mum my thoughts are with you. Concintrate on friends and people who care. Your prince will find you my dear. Sometimes we need a lot of hurt to appriciate happiness xx I wish you well amd a world of happiness hou seem a very nice lady xx


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Change your life. Realize what in these guys attracts you and do the opposite,

  • If you feel like a failure, then everything would fail for you. Nothing will work well.


What Girls Said 1

  • no more jerks ,find a good man who gives more or equally,one who brings you around family and friends,trust me I have met my share of jerks almost similar to yours,i am single now, no drama and just focusing on bettering myself till I can think straight enough to pass the jerks by..get strong for yourself ,my best friend and rock(mom) passed too knowing I dated jerks but I learned a valuable lesson..never invest in a douche bag who yields no return,they are not worth our time or tears.


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