I was seeing someone for about 6 months. I was really in love with him, but never felt he was serious about me. It was 2 months before he told he was seeing other people. It really hurt me. I stopped contacting him and he stopped contacting me. After 2 months of not hearing from him, I met someone else.
I have been with the new guy for 5 months now. We hit it off right away. However, the first guy came back all apologizes saying that he gets very depressed in the winter, hence the disappearance. He also confessed that he has Aspergers, which explained the emotional distance. When I told him that I am seeing someone else, he cried. He has now went into hyper-gear to get me back. In the past month, we have spent more time together and has even introduced me to his parents. We have messed around, but no sex since my boyfriend asked us to be exclusive.
I love both of them. The new guy is someone I could have a future with. He's 30 and wants to settle down and have kids (what I want).
I know the first guy will not commit (he's 36 and although we have never talked about it, I doubt he wants to ever settle down).
Why don't I want to let them go? Both of these guys are out of my league, especially the first guy. He is extremely attractive, super fit, a DJ, AND has a PhD. The second, nice guy is also extremely attractive, intelligent and committed. My mean-girl 'friends' like to point out that I am not the kind of person who has these kind of people fall in love with them. I'm a highly intelligent person, but I'm no beauty queen. They may ironically think of me as the safe choice.
What do you suggest I do? If it's talk to my boyfriend, HOW? What do I say?
Or do I stop seeing the first guy? He disappeared once before, and is still seeing other people after being with me for a year.
Thoughts? I screwed, certainly. Now what?!?!
Most Helpful Guy
Nobody is out of anybody's league, that is just some crap value someone made up :P
You're not a cheater, you moved on without your heart healing completely first, and now you have feelings for two guys. But so far, you didn't screw anyone and you're in the process of choosing. Sounds like your an honest person to me.
The right thing to do is choose boyfriend #2 because-
--Morally it makes sense-- #1 lost his chance, even if he feels bad about it he's 36 and has a Ph.D - welcome to the world of logical consequences and legitamite risks. Maybe he'll think things through more carefully in the future.
--Practically it makes sense-- #2 has life goals (i.e., kids) that suit your own. This compatibility is important.
--Temporally it makes sense-- #1 you said is extremely attractive, super fit, DJing, and running a career. Well that takes a lot of time. How are you going to fit into all that? How would a family fit into that even if he gave you one? Can he even hear you over the sound of how awesome he is? Be the plant that gets watered.
--Risk management makes sense-- #1 saw other people after being with you for a year. Maybe he's a little non-committal at best, and a player at heart at worst. Of course, #2 could be worse, but you have to go on the information you have more than the information you don't have.
I know its tough on the heart to pick. Your feelings for both are real. Its going to hurt to tell one good-bye.