Ny last/first relationship was an awful one I was a big girl then actually I still am the only thing that's changed is I have more confidence in who I am now. My ex and I jumped into our relationship to soon. I didn't have any confidence back then so when someone said they cared about me I just believed it, maybe I was also naive. A relationship was rocky to start with but three months into it he came back from a vacation with his brother with a new girlfriend so I ended our relationship. Two months later he came back after they broke up saying he felt pressured by his brother to say yes to dating the girl but he really loved me. Having no confidence and thinking I couldn't do better I took him back. As the months progressed I noticed he wouldn't hold my hand, kiss me, or even walk beside me in public. In fact he would walk ten feet ahead of me pretty much. I later found out from his father after I broke up with him for cheating on me again. That he did all that because he was ashamed of my size. Which didn't seem to bother him in the bedroom mind you. Which made me feel cheap and used. Now that I have a new boyfriend I find I'm holding these past resenments against him. He swears up and down that my size isn't a issue that he attracted to me and loves my personality and is not embarrassed by me. I get paranoid because he doesn't want our colleges to know we're dating right away because he's shy. Which makes me paranoid I'm walking the same path again. I also find I'm moving at a snails pace in the intimacy area ( haven't even kissed him yet) because I'm scared of being hurt and feeling used again. For some reason I feel the need of people to know we're dating before I can open up. How do I stop holding my past insucurities against my new boyfriend before I wreck what we have now?