Firstly a very brief over-view..Dating time: On\off 2.5 years. Breakups: I've lost count. My frustration: Extreme. Wants space atm: Yes. Knowing I should cut and run: Yes. Ability to do so: Evidently not.
Okay with that out of the way.. I am so incredibly frustrated at the moment. My... I really don't know what term I should use to describe us at the moment, 'maybe' girlfriend has said she needs space. Now I know enough to know that means one or more of a few things being... she needs to work out what she wants, unable to tell me its over or she's trying to bring me 'in-line' in relation to past behavior .
Background: As I said above we have been on and off for 2.5 years. In that time we have experienced intoxicating highs and the most terrible of lows. We have had a lot thrown at us both yet for some reason we still end up back together at the end of it. Its like were drawn to each other, even after a lengthy period of not talking and thinking that it was all over and done with. (3 months +)
But just when I think I am starting to let go (I have never cared so much for someone, I was even going to ask her to marry me last year) after a month or 2 of no contact she comes back into my life saying she regrets everything that she will be better she is sorry for ending it and, for a little while I remain strong and say I'm not sure as when things get difficult you always run. Then I give in, see her and what feelings I thought were long since dead came raging back to the surface. We date things go well, a few things might happen in our lives where I would consider them to be standard difficulties then she runs & I'm back at square one.
I know this all points to one thing, I should just shut her out of my life and move on. But alas I have never been able to do that. I don't know if its weakness on my part, being a push over or if it truly is the feelings that I have toward her. I mean she has done some really cruddy things to me and I am not an innocent party I have acted like a d*** too. But after a while, were back together.
The issue that is now is basically I knew she had a traumatic day at work. (I am not exaggerating either, we both work in the emergency services ) So I thought that I would surprise her with some flowers, a thai dinner and a few drinks. It had been a while since I had heard from her and I was hoping to beat her to her house & be on the doorstep when she arrived home. I ended up contacting her work just asking if she was still there and if so could I talk to her as her mobile wasn't answering, This was all in effort to see if I could time it so I would be there before she arrived home.
Anyways the night didn't end up happening due to various reasons which really aren't that important.
The following day she is blowing up at me and incredibly angry with me as I contacted her work. Even when I explained my intentions.
Now she admitted she's bitter and angry when I do nice things for her, that she feels I need too much
Any thoughts - I'm all ears.. or eyes in this case lol.
Most Helpful Girl
All relationships have highs and lows, but the ones that have 'forever' potential, ride somewhere in the middle most the time. Every day isn't super, but everyday isn't horrid either, average days are peaceful but relatively uneventful. When you are with someone and things are either cloud 9 or feels like your being tortured, this is a relationship of PASSION.
Passion is great, it makes you feel so alive, but it doesn't make forever. Passion is like a firework, it's quick, it's loud, it's beautiful, it's all oooh aaaah, and as quick as it came it's gone, the sparks fade into the night. Love made for forever burns like a candle, the flame is not as brilliant but it has a beaufitul, gentle and comforting glow, it is consistent and made to stand the test of time. This is a love built from trust, understanding, allowing each other peace, making peace for each other, true commitment to forsake all others before this person, basically they are A LOT of work. Everything that's worth it is though, right?
I believe you are in a relationship of passion. They can be extremely difficult to leave, because even though you know it's not truly right, you'll remember the great times, and it draws you back in. I believe this is a cycle the two of you will not break. You would probably make much better partners for other people and that is a hard thing to accept. You'll probably try again, and it'll be 'better' for awhile, til the relationship slips into it's old pattern again, because the problems are never actually dealt with, you guys deal by splitting up, which does not constitute a strong and healthy relationship.
Imagine your relationship is a mirror. So when you break up, the mirror shatters. When you two try to pick up the pieces, you glue them back together and you have what resembles the original mirror, but will never be perfect again. Then you 'break the mirror' again, and glue the pieces back together . . . again . . . except this time the pieces are even smaller, and the repaired mirror looks even less like the original unbroken piece. Eventually so many pieces are missing, you can't glue the mirror together anymore.
Don't let it get that far. Leave part of the mirror intact, so that when you look back you can still recognize the good times, instead of only having a whole bunch of random jagged pieces as memories. Get off the merry go round, going in circles is for the young and foolish (making the same mistakes over and over again)1