The Merry-go-round continues... I want to get off it but she keeps bringing me back.....

Hi All,

Firstly a very brief over-view..Dating time: On\off 2.5 years. Breakups: I've lost count. My frustration: Extreme. Wants space atm: Yes. Knowing I should cut and run: Yes. Ability to do so: Evidently not.

Okay with that out of the way.. I am so incredibly frustrated at the moment. My... I really don't know what term I should use to describe us at the moment, 'maybe' girlfriend has said she needs space. Now I know enough to know that means one or more of a few things being... she needs to work out what she wants, unable to tell me its over or she's trying to bring me 'in-line' in relation to past behavior .

Background: As I said above we have been on and off for 2.5 years. In that time we have experienced intoxicating highs and the most terrible of lows. We have had a lot thrown at us both yet for some reason we still end up back together at the end of it. Its like were drawn to each other, even after a lengthy period of not talking and thinking that it was all over and done with. (3 months +)

But just when I think I am starting to let go (I have never cared so much for someone, I was even going to ask her to marry me last year) after a month or 2 of no contact she comes back into my life saying she regrets everything that she will be better she is sorry for ending it and, for a little while I remain strong and say I'm not sure as when things get difficult you always run. Then I give in, see her and what feelings I thought were long since dead came raging back to the surface. We date things go well, a few things might happen in our lives where I would consider them to be standard difficulties then she runs & I'm back at square one.

I know this all points to one thing, I should just shut her out of my life and move on. But alas I have never been able to do that. I don't know if its weakness on my part, being a push over or if it truly is the feelings that I have toward her. I mean she has done some really cruddy things to me and I am not an innocent party I have acted like a d*** too. But after a while, were back together.

The issue that is now is basically I knew she had a traumatic day at work. (I am not exaggerating either, we both work in the emergency services ) So I thought that I would surprise her with some flowers, a thai dinner and a few drinks. It had been a while since I had heard from her and I was hoping to beat her to her house & be on the doorstep when she arrived home. I ended up contacting her work just asking if she was still there and if so could I talk to her as her mobile wasn't answering, This was all in effort to see if I could time it so I would be there before she arrived home.

Anyways the night didn't end up happening due to various reasons which really aren't that important.

The following day she is blowing up at me and incredibly angry with me as I contacted her work. Even when I explained my intentions.

Now she admitted she's bitter and angry when I do nice things for her, that she feels I need too much
and now wants space to figure things out. Apparently I created a sh*t fight at her work (really don't know how) and she's trying to figure out if she wants 'us'. I know I really should just cut and run, but I know from times gone by, it won't be too long before I hear from her again. And I guess I'm deluding myself with this one but, I am and have been hoping that she'll snap out of it.

Any thoughts - I'm all ears.. or eyes in this case lol.




Most Helpful Girl

  • All relationships have highs and lows, but the ones that have 'forever' potential, ride somewhere in the middle most the time. Every day isn't super, but everyday isn't horrid either, average days are peaceful but relatively uneventful. When you are with someone and things are either cloud 9 or feels like your being tortured, this is a relationship of PASSION.

    Passion is great, it makes you feel so alive, but it doesn't make forever. Passion is like a firework, it's quick, it's loud, it's beautiful, it's all oooh aaaah, and as quick as it came it's gone, the sparks fade into the night. Love made for forever burns like a candle, the flame is not as brilliant but it has a beaufitul, gentle and comforting glow, it is consistent and made to stand the test of time. This is a love built from trust, understanding, allowing each other peace, making peace for each other, true commitment to forsake all others before this person, basically they are A LOT of work. Everything that's worth it is though, right?

    I believe you are in a relationship of passion. They can be extremely difficult to leave, because even though you know it's not truly right, you'll remember the great times, and it draws you back in. I believe this is a cycle the two of you will not break. You would probably make much better partners for other people and that is a hard thing to accept. You'll probably try again, and it'll be 'better' for awhile, til the relationship slips into it's old pattern again, because the problems are never actually dealt with, you guys deal by splitting up, which does not constitute a strong and healthy relationship.

    Imagine your relationship is a mirror. So when you break up, the mirror shatters. When you two try to pick up the pieces, you glue them back together and you have what resembles the original mirror, but will never be perfect again. Then you 'break the mirror' again, and glue the pieces back together . . . again . . . except this time the pieces are even smaller, and the repaired mirror looks even less like the original unbroken piece. Eventually so many pieces are missing, you can't glue the mirror together anymore.

    Don't let it get that far. Leave part of the mirror intact, so that when you look back you can still recognize the good times, instead of only having a whole bunch of random jagged pieces as memories. Get off the merry go round, going in circles is for the young and foolish (making the same mistakes over and over again)

    • Thank you very much for your valuable input... it has been able to assist me in seeing things from a different angle :) wise words indeed :)

    • You are so very welcome, glad you appreciate my thoughts :) Good luck to you.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Ok this girl is neurotic and possibly retarded from what you described. =/

    You keep falling for her and you seem completely incapable of making adult choices, plus you ask a question that is so obviously, completely useless to you, so I can presume that you are either immature, or plain stupid. Come on, there are only two things we can say here. And ultimately, it doesn't matter what we say.

    We can only help you turn that girls into more of a "forbidden fruit" which makes the purpose of our answers ridiculous and frankly annoying. We will tell you things you obviously know yourself reaffirming your own thought processes (WYSIWYG and she's f***ing crazy), but like I said, that doesn't matter.

    You are choosing this and no one else can do it for you, so you should know better than to think repetitive unimaginative feedback is what you need.

    What you need is a slap in the face.. Or good fief years of a sexless marriage, extensive emotional abuse and a costly divorce. Whichever works first.

    • I would thank you for your input, but that would just be out of courtesy... I think its pretty evident that from what I wrote above, that I was confused. And again, as people say everybody is an expert at relationships when its not their own. From what you have written here its pretty easy to see that you're just a bitter, twisted person who is trying to capitalise on the misfortune of others, in order to make yourself feel a bit better about your own existence.

    • I wasn't trying to make you feel to make myself feel good. I was trying to make you feel bad because no one else is and that's what you should be feeling.

  • a sh*t fight to me sounds more like a dude she was with got upset when you called,the other reason is just plain lame,i think she is a mind f***er and manipulating control freak who runs when there's any sign of too much closeness..she falls into the emotionally unavailable narc category..look it up,i bet her name will be on that list

  • I think you should move on, she's too much of a heart break.

  • try this website and make a wish to have him back, I know it sounds weird but it brought back mine and now we're engaged. I can't post links but the name of the site is real-wishes.

  • Seems like you would have to completely cut contact.


What Guys Said 2

  • Good luck Mick. She's very conflicted to say the least. I would advise some kind of relationshp counseling, or, failing that, a neutral third party that you both accept, to advise you how to improve your relationship.

    It sounds like she blames you for past bad experiences in her life, to be honest...not uncommon.

    But YOU can't help her with that. She needs a professional..or at least, as I said, a trusted friend who doesn't 'take sides' in your relationship.

  • Find a more appealing girl.


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