Am I okay to feel like this

my ex boyfriend moved to Australia. We are both 18 and broke up when he did because there seemed to be no hope- but we have been in contact ever since. We both tried to date other people, it didn't feel the same and we still missed each other through all of this- so around a month ago after talking he invited me to go with him to Australia for 3 weeks with him and his family! We say I love you everyday- have really strong feelings for each other- but we technically are not boyfriend/girlfriend because of the distance. He keeps asking me to "make it official" with him again... But I keep saying no until he decides if he is going to college in the states or AUS. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable with all of this is that he is a flirt. Last night he went to a party and told me that he refused to kiss anyone because he is committed to me, but girls kissed him on the cheek and took a bunch of pictures. I was fine with that- but then he posted on instagram pictures of him with two pretty girls kissing him on the cheek and the caption was "what's up ladies!" I know I am not officially his girlfriend and all, but we act like it and I am going on vacation with him and his family to Australia! I am so confused. I got upset with him about the picture- but he says we aren't official and it was just on the cheek- he says it's no big deal. Am I overreacting or do I have the right to be upset? Thanks!


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What Guys Said 2

  • You don't have a right to be upset, but it's natural that you are (feelings are often irrational).

    Your mistake is that you didn't really END your relationship, you just ended the dating part. You can't keep talking to someone you have feelings for and try to date other people; that's not fair to anyone.

    The fact is that you have no idea if you'll ever be able to be together with this guy, so all of this pseudo-relationship stuff is really a huge waste of your time and energy. You want it both ways, and you can't have it both ways. Either you need to be together officially (despite the distance and not being able to be together physically), or you need to END THE RELATIONSHIP. That means no calls, no emails, no texts, no Facebook, NOTHING. You can't recover from this relationship until you do, and you can't be fair to any other guy until you do.

    You'll never be happy in a LDR. You know that; that's why you broke up with him in the first place, so stick with your convictions. Resolve to only ever date guys who are local to you, because to do anything else really makes no sense. The POINT of a relationship is to spend time TOGETHER.

  • "He keeps asking me to 'make it official' with him again..."

    "But he says we aren't official and it was just [a kiss] on the cheek -"

    Those two sentences right there tell me he's giving you mixed signals -- never a good sign. Besides that, it's a long-distance relationship, and those kinds of situations rarely work out for the best. You broke up because of the distance, which made sense. Now you're trying to get back together despite the distance, which doesn't make sense. If he had a definite plan to move to your local area in the near future, that might be a different story, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and he certainly isn't communicating to you through his behavior that he wants to be your "one and only." There are eligible guys in your local area; shouldn't you save your time and energy for someone more deserving?


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