My ex boyfriend and I were together for 13 months and have been broken up for 4 months. He dumped me out of the blue. We did NC for the first 3 months, but he has been contacting me for the past month.
We've gone mountain biking together twice in the past two weeks. After the first ride, we hung out at his house for a little bit and talked about how we can be friends and don't have to ignore each other and get all awkward in social situations.
After the second ride, which was 3 days ago, we again hung out at his house for a couple of hours. He started rubbing my back, I let him kiss me, and we made out for awhile. He tried to get me to sleep with him a couple of times during our make out session and I refused. Both times I told him I don't do the friends with benefits thing. He had no response to this. He didn't get mad or anything. He continued to give me another back rub and remained touchy/feely and cuddly with me until I left. And he kissed me good bye when I left.
The next day I received a text from him saying: "Are we good? I don't want you to think that all I want is sex. I'd really like to keep spending time with you."
I haven't heard from him since. So now I'm wondering,
If he contacts me again, do you think he will actually be cool with just being friends? Or, is he maybe hoping that I'll have a weak moment and give in to sleeping with him?
Most Helpful Guy
Yes. He's trying to "back burner" you: to keep you hooked on him, but without him having to be committed, so that he is free to pursue other options while he's got you on call for when he is bored or lonely. Best of both worlds for him if he can pull it off, and so he's trying to use your feelings for him against you.
I'm of the school that you don't break up without very good reasons, but that if you do, your relationship with that person is OVER FOREVER. So many people never cut their ties with their ex, and so they end up wasting months or years "in limbo" with their ex, never really knowing what's going on, but too afraid to break it off, be alone for a little while, and have to find another relationship. Eventually it's clear that there's no future in that, but meanwhile that person missed out on a lot of opportunities because they were investing all their time and energy in their ex.
Don't make that mistake.1