What should I expect now that I told my ex about my miscarriage?

We broke up 4 days ago and today... I told him why I had been acting strange. After a while he was able to get the full truth out of me. He wouldn't look at me trying not to cry. I make number 3 when it comes to girls that have miscarried with him. He told me that he must be cursed and that it wasn't my fault. I felt so bad, but I couldn't bare holding it in... It has been two weeks since I miscarried and since we had broken up and decided to stay friends we still talk to each other. The only reason that I told him was because it made sense to get everything out in the open, so that there would be no feelings of resentment. As we walked to the car we hugged and he hugged me again, kissed my cheek and said, "I love you". I can tell that he really loves me, but we just can't be together right now.

I don't know what to expect from him now. I understand that we aren't getting back together, but I made his so sad. My mind hasn't been on the baby that I lost, but the man that lost me and his baby. What do you think will happen with us?

He told me not to break contact with him and that he expects big things from me in the future. I shouldn't expect anything, right? My goal was to alleviate harsh feelings, but I fear I might have done something wrong.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been throught the same thing and if I can give you any advise. It would be to wright him a hand written letter and send it to him. Express all your thoughts and feeling that you can't when you see him face to face or on the phone! Tell all your thoughts feelings sadness and most of all tell him you love him. Because it sounds like you really do. However you won't be able to heal without having distance between y'all since your broken up. So give your self a month free from him. Then talk again. Who know what your future could hold. It's hard but I wish someone would have told me that. I kept talking and it turned into blaming and me and my exact kit even friends anymore.

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    • This is really strange, before I read this answer I was actually trying to sit down and write a letter to him. So far I just keep giggling to myself about them, because we never actually had a bad time. Thanks for the advice :) I think you are right about distancing myself for now

    • Good luck! :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • So sorry to hear about this. You will always wonder about that baby, and there are no ways of getting over it really. But in time you might learn to deal with it, and will probably think of it less frequently.

    I don't think you have done anything wrong. It sounds like you split up as a totally separate issue. He sounds like a decent man, telling you he loves you, even if you can't be together. Ad far as romance is concerned, then maybe it would be better to move on.

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    • He really is a good man... Even my parents welcome him regardless of us being together or not. I'm not sure how to really move on from this, but what else can I do besides taking it day by day

    • Taking it day by day sounds like a very good idea.

  • lol we can't be together right now... bro code word for I need ta get that strange

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    • what are you talking about? I was the one that said that.

  • I'm sorry to hear about your losses. Both of you.

    He's not cursed, but men do sometimes have a role in miscarriage. Just look at the responses from a Google search: link

    He needs to understand it doesn't mean he has done something wrong. Some horrible deed that has damned him to this fate.

    It's medical. Not spiritual.

    My advice is to share this with him and be there for him. Men are like dogs when we're wounded, sometimes. We wander off into obscurity and lick our wounds. You can be a real friend to him by getting his head right.

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    • Thank you, this is a good perspective. I'd like to be friends with him... I do care about him and don't want him to hurt. I'll read the information to decide on what I can do for him

    • Sooner better than later, if you want to cut off his depression and ease the guilt. I know you're hurting right now, so maybe it's easier to email him some of those links.

      It seems pretty common in the reproductive health field.

  • I'm confused.

    This is a shared hurt. How is being apart supposed to help heal it?

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    • He has to move to texas, but I am starting school and I can't just pack up and leave to go there for a few years... I felt that telling him now would be better than waiting.

  • I'm sorry for your loss and it's certainly not your fault, don't feel bad for yourself or him. The whole thing sounds tragic. Hope you will be ok

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  • If he truly loves and cares for you, then he should be back.

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    • That's the thing... He keeps telling me to go to school straight to school and not go with him.

  • Sounds like you are being used by him.

    I would distance myself from him and never talk to him again.

    Someone who gets one girl pregnant let alone 3 by the age of 21 has some serious issues.

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What Girls Said 12

  • expect nothing, you are not pregnant , you are broken up, so move on. Thank your lucky stars that life sometimes makes our choices for us .You don't need a baby at your age,u have your whole life for that.

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    • I meant in terms of, "will he start acting strange and what not".

    • if he has been through it before,it ain't going to be any different..we are the ones who really suffer

  • you didn't do anything wrong heal from your loss and do great things tell him about it and show him how strong of a women you are and if he's smart and really loves you he willl come back.

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  • "he expects big things from me in the future." Wtf does that mean? Sounds like a backhanded compliment. Why did you break up in the first place?

    Anyway, you did nothing wrong, and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. :(

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    • I don't know... He keeps telling me to go to school he knows that I want to go for Marine biology. I recently posted that it might not be a wise idea to go to school for that and told me to try going to school for being a lawyer or a therapist instead -.- My other suggestions such as wanting to be a police woman and becoming a politician were thrown out by him.

      I try not to think about it. Knowing that a possible person died inside of me is too much...

    • "My other suggestions such as wanting to be a police woman and becoming a politician were thrown out by him."

      Oh, so you can't have your own career, as he has to choose it for you? BS! Unbelievable, this guy...

  • I will choose to give up, I think we take good care of yourself is the most important, after all, the next will be better

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  • Sorry for your loss! As someone who has gone through two miscarriages, it is something life altering. I would suggest addressing the miscarriage and your feelings. Focus on you. What is meant to be will be.

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  • I believe that if the feelings are this strong, you two may inevitably end up together. There are options if fertility is an issue, so if the both of you are really determined and plan on being together and raising a family someday in the future, there is still a lot of oppurtunity. As far as " harsh feelings," it seems like there wasn't too many harsh feelings to begin with; the miscarriage is an emotional thing, but personally it appears that there is no resentment or anything like that between you too. I say that you should definitely stay in contact and when you guys feel up for it, to really work through this hardship.

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  • Water under the bridge. Time to move on. The most concerning thing to me in this post is that you aren't even 18 yet and he's gotten at least 3 young women pregnant! That's a disgrace! He sounds like a schmooze and you are better off without him. Blessings come in strange forms but maybe this is one of them for you.

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  • I think he is using you.

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  • Probably nothing.

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  • Do everyone a favor close your legs until you're married!

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    • Totally not needed of you to say that.

    • Show All
    • Why would I ever pick up the bible when people like you tell me to? Does that really make sense? "Grow some 'damn' morals... now shut up". Please, spare me the hypocrisy -.-

    • lol, I love "Christians", constant source of amusement.

  • How old are you two?!

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    • I'll be 18 years old in 3 days and he is 21 years old...

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    • I did not want to have a child this young, but it wouldn't be something that I couldn't handle. My situation is a bit different from those kids that you see on tv.

    • So I guess you are a rich kid. Right? I wonder how you would handle a child along with your studies, unless you are eager to blow up your future. You could believe that you are ready to have a child but after some years you will realize that you wish things would have been a different way.

  • You didn't do anything wrong. None of this is your fault, things happen for a reason and with time those things will fall into place and begin to make sense. I'm sorry for your loss:( The only thing you can do is be there for him and give him time to heal.

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