So my boyfriend and I have been going out for honestly 3 months, but officially a little over a month. We are doing long distance, but we are both okay with it. We decided to have a very very honest relationship (just starting to realize how this could backfire), and so we have been telling each other everything, like how we feel if there is anything wrong, etc. Started out perfectly.
But, the problem is, it is very hard for me to get THERE. It's just how I am. And he has gotten me close with fingering, but never there. I was honest with him about it, and never faked it. We started having xxx, and he was worried that I would not get there. I knew that most women don't actually get there simply though VP, but according to him all of his last girlfriends did. It didn't hurt when we did it, but it started feeling good maybe the 3rd or 4th time in, but never powerful enough to even get me close to getting there. Some positions hurt, so we couldn't really try them.
He would get very upset every time we had xxx, because even if he would finish, he would not enjoy it because I did not get there, regardless of whether or not I actually enjoyed it without me getting there. He eventually started telling me that he thinks it will never feel good, and that this is a big problem in the relationship. I started getting worried, as I should have been because he told me that he was comparing me to his ex at this point. That just killed me, that did not feel good at all.
On top of that, when he visited, we had a series of meaningless fights. They were actually about the stupid things, nothing to worry about. All could have been avoided. But after he left he told me that the fights and the xxx are making him want to take a break. He ended up reconsidering, and saying that he just had a freakout, and that I should calm him down next time this happens. But ever since then, he has been pessimistic about the xxx getting better. Like he says that he knows it's not going to get better and that even if the slight pain that I have will go away, nothing will change. And no matter how much I try to convince him otherwise, he doesn't want to hear it. Needless to say, I'm upset.
Since then, the past few days have been absolutely awful for me. I have been completely stressed out. Our conversations are dying, there is no longer anything to talk about really (we used to talk every single day and had so much fun and had so much in common). Suddenly, we have nothing to talk about, the texts and phone conversations are dull, and I am so scared of this relationship going completely downhill. I don't even know what to do anymore. He told me that the next time I see him, we shouldn't have xxx because everything else is a lot better, but how is that going to solve the problem?
Basically I'm scared that this relationship is coming to an end and I actually love him and I don't know what to do.
Most Helpful Guy
Unfortunately, it sounds like he's starting to mentally check out. In my personal experience, it takes several months (sometimes up to 6-8 months) for a couple to learn the sexual interactions that work best for them. If he's willing to give it some more time, that would be preferable, but so far it seems like he has made up his mind that the two of you are sexually incompatible. Sad, really, since he really didn't give it enough time, but whatever... you can't force people to do something they can't or won't do.0