Why won't this end? Help and Advice please!

Okay, so I broke up with him just over two weeks ago ( We'd been together for just over 2 years, living together for 8 months). My reasons were many ( he wasn't working/ was dragging his feet looking for work, he'd cheated during our first year together, moved in together before I was ready, a thousand unintentional slights that built up) but mostly because I don't think he's mature in the ways I need him to be and I think we're better off as friends.

Only a few days after the break up he was back on the online dating site we met on and chatting with a few women ( plural) all the while insisting he wants nobody else but me, doesn't want to date anybody else and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep me ( even keep dating after he moves out, something he previously said he'd never ever do). I confronted him about this the other day and he said he did it to hurt me and because he felt rejected. To me, this is a huge insult and very disrespectful. He was doing this under my roof, sometimes when I was just in the other room. I told him that I couldn't even think about dating him anymore and we should work on our friendship. He's a great guy in a lot of ways and I don't want to lose his friendship. I still love him but not in the romantic way that he wants me. He keeps telling me he loves me and asking what he did/why we broke up. We've talked( a lot) and been over all that many many times. I'm so tired of talking when it never goes anywhere.

So, how do I get him to understand that I don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship anymore? It just wasn't working out and we're both walking different paths in life. I've tried being honest and telling him the truth ( except for the not mature stuff, he would not take that well). I can't keep looking into those puppy dog eyes knowing that I could completely crush him if we don't get back together. I feel stuck either way. Help me get out of this.


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  • "So, how do I get him to understand that I don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship anymore?"

    Are you still living together? If so, then move out asap. You can't make him understand by simply telling him. You have to put your foot down, otherwise he'll just think he'll be able to sweet talk you into anything. Also, I do believe you need time away from each other, for real. He wants more from you than you can offer, and trying to be friends at this point would just be stupid. Either he would become really sad, and that's not fair to him, or you'd start feeling pressured because you know he likes you "more" than you like him.

    You don't need to explain anything to him anymore, sounds like you already have done that. He'll just have to blame himself for not listening or believing you. The only way you can get out of it is to GET OUT OF IT. Move out (if you haven't already) and tell him that you can't be with him or talk to him right now because you want different things. Let him react however he wants. He shouldn't make you feel like you're obligated to do everything his way and to spare ALL his feelings. I'm sorry, but if you truly want to get out of it, you can't possibly do it without hurting his feelings somehow. That's just a part of breaking up with someone.

  • The best thing to do is tell him strait up, because in the long run your not only hurting yourself but also him. Its better for the both of you to tell him now so he doesn't feel led on in the end. And sometimes its just better to think about you for once. And try telling him that if he doesn't listen to what YOU have to say then there's no point in talking at all. and if he really cares about the relationship friend wise too, he will really listen and consider what you are telling him.


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