Girl with a boyfriend

So, I met a girl with a boyfriend last night...she asked me a lot of leading questions and revealed some secrets about herself that would kind of indicate she was into me. At one point, she mentioned she had been a mistress in a relationship once.

I mentioned I'd been in a similar situation, and she asked me if everyone knew, if it was cheating and if I just "let her worry about that side of things", or whatever. I told her the truth, which is that the girl in question hadn't actually told me she was engaged, and I found out through a mutual friend of ours.

It seems, though, that her relationship status is weird. Basically, she's part of a harem, it sounds like -- she's not allowed other boyfriends/girlfriends, but her boyfriend is allowed other girlfriends. Not actually an uncommon arrangement these days, despite how little it's talked about. When I was younger and more self-centered, I'd been in her boyfriend's shoes. I now don't try to possess people like that, and generally offer mutual freedom or in rare cases, mutual monogamy.

We ended up cuddling together under a blanket later...there were other people in the room, even participating in the cuddling, but I put my hands on her and kind of lightly stroked her legs under the blanket. She glanced at me briefly, but did not make even the slightest move to stop me. She seemed pretty cool with it. I smirked back at her glance. She actually got cozier with me throughout the hour or so we were there.

She ended up driving me home, as she was the only totally sober one there, and on the way back our conversation did have sexual undertones, but nothing overt. On the way out of the car, I said to her that we should hang out some time. She looked at me and said, "I think so." and looked away. I got out of the car and told her to take care until next time, and went home. At the time the whole thing felt fine.

Today, though, I feel pretty weird about the whole thing. I mean, I have done ethical, open non-monogamy, but never cheated or knowingly been with someone when it would have been cheating, but I definitely pushed it last night. The looks, the topics of conversation, the was not at all innocent.

Girls, guys? Have you been on my side of the situation, or the other side? Any idea what could be going through her head?

Holy sh*t, reading this when I'm more awake, I'm even more bothered by it than I was when I woke up this morning. WTF.


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What Girls Said 1

  • "she's part of a harem, it sounds like."

    This whole situation is f***ed up. Run far, far away.


What Guys Said 1

  • Just don't make a move.