Her affection dropped off sharply now I'm confused and hurting! Help!

So just for the record I am a 30 year old widower with two kids and my fiancé is 34, never married with no children. I met this lady and we only dated for a few months before I knew she was the lady I want to spend the rest of my life with ( you will have to take me at my word that I was thinking rationally). I proposed and she said yes. OK great at this point in our relationship I was super happy. Then I said some thoughtless things that hurt her very deeply and she broke it off with but after a couple of days when I had time to figure out what it was I had done I went and talked to her and we decided mutually we had both made mistakes in that I made thoughtless and hurtful remarks although I had no ill intention and she should have talked to me about it instead of just letting it fester until she broke up with me so we decided to get back together but just be a (committed couple) for awhile to see how it would go. Well at that point everything was even better than before we both felt a new strength and bond in our relationship. Several moths passed by and she started making hints about our lives together so I assumed she was hinting to propose again. By now we have been together for six months total. I started trying to plan out a perfect proposal this was about 6 weeks ago. About two weeks ago things started to change over about a week she slowed down on sending me texts and started getting slow to respond to mine and her responses got shorter and less playful she also stopped calling me ever, no longer will tell me she loves me unless I say it first and won't cuddle unless I ask her to. She does cuddle with me anytime I ask, she still comes to see me, and we still go out and in general have a great time when we are together. When all this started I had already made plans for my proposal and made a date with her for that purpose and when I ask she glowingly said yes. I don't understand we used to have 2 or 3 text conversations a day and talk on the phone every few days on top of spending most of our free time together and she would tell me she loved me every day. Now we may go days without talking and she only sends me a text when she needs information from me usually for planning our time together. I don't know if I am making a big deal out of nothing but when we are together I feel like everything is fine but when we are not I feel like she has lost interest and is slipping away! Please tell me I'm getting worked up over nothing. sorry I am no writer so my aimless babble will have to work. If I missed some valuble info please let me know. And by the way she has been planning a once in a lifetime spare no expense trip to alaska with her mom for over a year now and she leaves this week to go. Could the inpending trip be the cause of all of this? What should I do? I have tried to talk to her and got no satisfaction.
currently I have backed way off of her almost to make her chase me alittle. I am also confident that she is not currently thinking of ending the reltionship but I don't want it to come even close to that. I think but definitely not sure that the new just wore off for her before it did for me and consiquintly her interst level started to drop. I am hoping that this two weeks part and my efforts to raise her interest level will solve this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are a couple of things that could be going on here. Now that you and her are in an established relationship it could be that she is like most men in that she doesn't feel like she needs to communicate every hour. I think 90% of the non-porn site traffic on the internet is women messaging each other, she seems to be somewhat more like a man in that respect.

    Another possibility is that she is desperate to end the relationship with you but you are coming across as so needy that she's afraid you'll jump off a bridge or something.

    You have my deepest condolences on being a widower, that must have left a huge hole in your heart. To have two children with someone you love and them have them die unexpectedly, that had to have been a real bear to deal with. It could be that you are trying to hard to have her replace your wife, you're waning her to be the same person your wife was to get away from that feeling of emptiness, she loves you but she's just not had those experiences with you, the marriage, the children, all of the things you shared with your wife and probably feels pressured - even though you're not consciously trying to do that.

    My suggestion is that you attend some sessions with a councilor and make sure that you are in fact ready for another marriage. It is quite clear that's what you want, but before you put your children in a situation where they could lose another mother, you had better make sure that you appreciate this woman for who she is, not for who you want her to be.


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  • i have no idea what happened or changed its such a long story and hard to piece together what happened or what went wrong to change things , things have definity changed if she is acting different around you , you know best or must have some idea as to why

  • You've definitely lost the spark.

    Naturally these things can often happen. But if you don't play your cards right then you can ultimately lose her completely.

    After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction towards lassitude, distrust, and disappointment.

    To keep a person enchanted, you will have to re-seduce them.

    • @Update-

      Yes absence makes the heart grow fonder. But You're going to have to do a little more than just that to reignite the chemistry you two shared.

  • It's time to move on.


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