With your most recent breakup, do you feel the failed relationship was more the fault of YOU or YOUR EX?

1) Take back yourself back in time, and think about your most recent relationship that ended.

2) Think about the circumstances of how, and why, the relationship ended.

3) After thinking about #1 and #2, who do you feel was more "to blame" why the relationship ended; you or your ex?

4) Why do you think you, or your ex, were more to blame for the relationship ending? What did you, or your ex, do or not do, that made the relationship ultimately end? Feel free to go anonymous if you need the protection to get into detail in your answer.

NOTE: feel free to refer to the above numerical system to organize your answer if you so choose.

  • I have to admit, I was more at fault for the relationship failing
    Vote A
  • I genuinely feel my ex was more at fault for the relationship failing
    Vote B
  • In my opinion it was exactly 50-50 blame between the two of us why the relationship failed
    Vote C
  • I have never been in a relationship so I've never experienced a break-up
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It was his fault. He wanted to keep me because he knew I was the girl he wanted to marry, but he simply wasn't ready for that sort of commitment yet. So he wasn't as dedicated, loyal, or faithful as he should have been. He was trying to have his cake and eat it too. When I grew insecure of his behavior, he furthered blamed me for the toll that insecurity took on our relationship.

    I eventually ended our relationship right after he said something along the lines of, "Yeah, I met up with the hot bartender that night, can you blame me though!? She was hot, and it was just a competition between guys." I'd never heard anything like that come out of his mouth before, but it sure explained a lot. It explained why his words sounded loyal, but his actions weren't. It helped that a couple weeks prior, he stood me up to go drink with his friends, and then came home verbally combative in a drunken rage. I'd never seen THAT out of him either. All new behavior.

    Needless to say he's single now. Which is how he should remain for a while until he faces his demons.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Don't you love when they do all sorts of horrible crap (regarding infidelity or his driving "urge" to be with other women) then he calls you insecure? It's a shoddy way of avoiding blame for his actions...

    • Sounds like he was a stereotypical college dude...he likes you, but not enough to turn down other females of interest. :-/

      I've seen girls at my uni act the same way, that's why when I was an undergrad I didn't date alot; everyone seemed to be using their bfs and gfs to sap attention from, instead of committing to each other.

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What Girls Said 31

  • It was absolutely HIS 'blame'. He f***ed around, he got caught, I kicked him to the curb. I had NO clue there was a problem and we were planning our wedding at the time.

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    • That's unfortunate to hear :-/

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    • What's it like to marry your best friend? Must be pretty sweet.

    • It is! It's the most amazing thing in the world. I love him more than life itself but more than that, I actually LIKE him. I liked him before I loved him. You can love someone with all your heart, but if you don't like each other it's just not going to work.

  • It was completely my fault. I had a really good guy, but I was too afraid of being loved and genuinely cared for by a good person. I really regretted my decision and contacted him and he is willing to get back with me. (:

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  • My last breakup was mostly my fault because I was young, naive, and playing games for several reasons I won't get into. But he did have a small part just because he was a young guy and I don't blame him for that really.

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  • I think it was my ex's fault. I'm not trying to play blame game, but it really was his fault.

    The only thing that I can own up to, was that I was kinda wishy washy about our realationship at first. That was only because when we first started our relationship, he was like we could be: A, friends, (B) friends with benefits or (C) in a relationship. This was after talking to each other for more than a couple of weeks. (B) was out of the question, so I told him we could in a relationship, but start slow as friends first. At one point time, I told him we just be friends instead, because my feelngs weren't all the way there because everything was rushed and how he act. But the next day, I regretted it, apologized, expressed my feelings and we started over. Everything went down hill from then.

    #1- We argued a lot. He claimed to hate drama, but I couldn't tell.

    #2- He would try to throw in my face that he was older than me ( only by 2 years) and more experienced with life. He claimed that he used to be about "that life" way before we met. I'm not naive, I know about it too, but wasn't in it.

    #3- He joked around too much, trying to make me jealous. Saying stuff like "I'm going to get with your mom," "Me and your friend were on the phone last night, she sent me a naked pic." "Me and your sister are going to hook up." I told him I didn't like that, but he didn't care.

    #4- I seriously think he wanted to impregnate me. He talked about me having his 2nd child too much.

    #5, he was rushing the relationship. He always talked about me staying with him. I didn't want to because we didn't know each other that long, I was in school, and he lived 2 hrs.

    Sorry about me ranting, all of this was only a month and a half ago.

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    • Omg I dated one of those! He acted like he was so enlightened, and told me my personality was like a cocoon and I was going to become a butterfly into what he wanted, said how he could do my mom/friends/his friends, said he was monogamous when he always went our of his way to point out other girls and make me insecure, pushed me to have sex (he never got it, ha-ha!). So glad you're done with that. Of course you'll be wishy-washy if he can't even decide if he wants a relationship vs. FWB. BS!

    • Lol here I was thinking this guy was one of a kind. Hopefully neither of us will never run into this type again. I'm glad I never had sex with him.My sister said the same thing. The fact that was even brought should have been a red flag.

    • Seriously, any guy who says jerky things isn't being an honest diamond in the rough.

  • His fault for cheating - no excuses.

    My fault for trying so hard to fix it and prolong the agony, when I should have let him go much sooner. I kept holding on, when he obviously didn't want to stay. Lesson learned.

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  • well I don't think it was anyone's fault, I think my ex just realized he wasn't feeling me as much as he was when we 1st started dating.

    i asked him 3 diff times why did he break up with me and he gave me 3 diff answers on 3 diff days lol. but I will say, looking back the things he thought was funny I thought were nasty or stupid and the same goes for him about the things I thought was funny. so overall looking back we might've been too different. But if it wasn't for him I wouldve never transfer to his school and met my faience you c in the pic. My ex is a nice guy and smart. but I'm glad we broke up lol but he shouldve been man enough to give me a real answer so I could know what not to do in my future relationships.

    I also had a girl issue with his bff being a bitch to me, I asked him if you knew she was wrong why did you not stick up for me and tell to to back off? he said he didn't wana get into girl stuff. but he was sitting back laughing at the jokes and her getting into my face. that's not a type of man I want, if I'm being bullied, stick up for me even if your friend is wrong, and if I'm wrong, let me know. (after we broke up)

    I am still friends with him but I deleted him on FB because his bff was starting crap. When I see him I say hi, give hug, have conversation then go about my way.

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  • Mines a bit obvious. My first ex boyfriend cheated on me and he could be quite sexually abusive. My most recent ex physically, sexually, emotionally and domestically abused me. I don't think I was to blame in any of those relationships for them ending (well I left them but I wasn't at fault), even though my ex's always blamed me for everything they did. ._.

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    • You weren't at fault at all. Why Does He DO That? By Lundy Bancroft explains it (aka they knew exactly what they were doing, for the purpose of control). Horrible human beings. Glad you're done with the losers.

  • I selected B even though my most recent breakup was simply due to us not being right for each other. I put the blame on him, though, because he's the one who was addicted to drugs and went to jail. :P

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  • I have sabotaged relationships before, and I can say with certainty that my last relationship was NOT an example of that. I worked my ass off to make that sh*t work, but that that guy just wasn;t having ANY of it. It irritates me to think back on just how much I put myself out- for nothing. I will never do that again.

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    • Oh gosh, I did that too. "He's pulling away! I'm going to work even harder to please him, even though he's blowing me off and being lazy!" Never again. >,<

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    • Omg, that's awful. And the guys on here complain about us being goldiggers? Nooo ><

    • That's why all this gold-digger sh*t makes me LOL. But if mofos want to be ignorant, it's no skin of my ass.

  • To be blunt, he wanted affection and sex and I wanted video games and go-karts. All he wanted to do was hang out at his house and make out. He would mention a movie just to get me to agree, but while I'm completely engrossed in the movie, he starts to pull me away and kiss me. Seriously, it got annoying. I'm a virgin, and I'm staying a virgin until I'm (almost) married. He knew this, yet he tried all the time to get in my pants. I always wanted to go out and have fun or play games with him (cause he said he was a gamer, yet I later found out all he plays is Minecraft and anime-based fighting games), but he just wanted to cuddle and kiss and hear "I love you" every five seconds. I couldn't even not text him for an hour without him thinking I'm bored of him.

    I'm not as cold-hearted as that makes me sound, but over-affection and clinginess just pisses me off. So it was both our faults. I broke up with him because we didn't mesh well. Though I'm sure he told his goons he broke up with me cause I didn't put out.

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  • It was my fault. He loved me but I wasn't over someone else. I really thought I was and that I was ready to move on, but one day late in our relationship (almost a year) I realized I wasn't and things dissolved pretty fast from there.

    I ended things although I didn't tell him the truth because I didn't want him to think that I hadn't been giving our relationship my all.

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  • I'd say it was equal. I saw that he had text another girl while visiting me. She said she didn't like him kissing other girls and he reassured her by saying he was visiting only her. Of course he never let me see the entire message, but I had seen enough. He then blamed me for being overly jealous and maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. In the end, I hope things happen for a reason.

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  • It was both of our faults, in that particular time of our lives...we didn't have enough time for each other which made it hard for us to grow as a couple together...so I never developed real feelings and I had to end that bullsh*t. He was tying me down for no reason lol.

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  • In a nutshell, mine ended because he wanted me to be intimate with him and I'm Catholic, so I constantly said no. I don't particularly think it was anyones fault, we just want different things.

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  • 100% me, because I should have refused the relationship outright. Even before we started dating, I knew he was not boyfriend material and that I would only be disappointed/disgusted by him. And yet, when he asked me out, I gave in because I just wanted to be loved and be needed. But after a few months I realized I was absolutely right in that I shouldn't have gone out with him. So even though it's easy to say that it's his fault because he is a terrible guy in ways X and Y and Z, ultimately it was mine for not having had the courage to say NO.

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  • It was 100% my fault (or choice). I was just not ready for the relationship.

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  • Even though I'm the one who broke up with him, I feel that he was more at fault. He was so possessive and angry and was always trying to change me. He drove me to it.

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  • It was definitely my ex. He was controlling, manipulative, and verbally abusive.

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  • For me I feel it was mainly my ex's fault. He had liked this other girl and asked her out multiple times, which she rejected. Then he asked me out. They worked together and I liked her, but I had no idea of the past. We were together for almost three months before she decided that he was actually boyfriend material, and let him know. So he dumped me and went out with her, not saying anything about it. (My best friend knew, but didn't want to tell me about it, which I thought was a huge betrayal). Anyways, it was my first real relationship so it hit me really hard. I believe part of it had to do with the fact that we didn't have sex, I wanted to wait a bit (being a virgin), and I think that really started to bug him.

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  • It ended because I realized he wasn't as into me as I was into him. I can't exactly blame him for that, but I do feel like he wasn't being completely honest about it. It felt like he was stringing me along just to get an ego boost. I mean, if he really didn't like me that much, he could have just ended it. He was in it for the attention, and that's what kept him from ending it.

    In the beginning it seemed fine, and as if we both liked each other equally. I kept it up, but he got lazy and kind of full of himself. I think he just got used to me making all the plans and always initiating everything. I ended it because I was tired of doing all the work and not getting anything in return. I do, however, blame myself for prolonging it for too long and making up excuses for him. "If I keep being nice and sweet, maybe he'll realize that I'm worth the effort". Oh, how wrong I was. He was clearly loving the attention, but also too lazy to give any of it back. So I guess it's 40/60. 40 for me for trying harder than I should have and making excuses for him, 60 for him for stringing me along and not appreciating what I was doing for him.

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    • That sucks :(

    • Haha yeah, but oh well. At least I learned something from it. Sometimes it's better learning the hard way. It's a greater lesson. :)

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What Guys Said 14

  • "Why do you think you, or your ex, were more to blame for the relationship ending? What did you, or your ex, do or not do, that made the relationship ultimately end?"

    One night I went to give her a goodnight kiss and she seemed repulsed and reverted to a forced cheek kiss like when we first started dating (even though we had french kissed a couple times prior). Now it could have been because we had just eaten at an In N Out and I may have had onion breath or something, but it still bugged me how neither of us addressed the actual event after it happened. This was right after I met up with her and her friend who had just returned from a long trip. I don't think her friend liked me too much.

    Anyway, she said I was cute but was too indecisive and that two indecisive people wouldn't work out well in a romantic relationship. She also said I lacked confidence from probably being unemployed or something like that.

    However, the way I see it is that the problem was we never had enough physical attraction for each other. The relationship seemed brilliant on paper because we had so many similar interests (I don't know many female advanced students of Japanese who moved across the country like I did and also attended a university similar to my alma mater, who are into video games, and know how to socialize at bars yet are just as inexperienced at dating as I am), but the problem was we were the same height and I am scrawny while she is overweight. I think is also because we are both kind of plain-looking.

    She started the process by rearing away in horror for that last good night kiss, and I ended the process by calling her out on it a few nights later. I did not care about her looks, but now I realize there is a reason physical attraction is important: it is much more difficult to get intimate with someone who can never feel sexy about her own body than it is to get intimate with a girl who CAN feel sexy. I may not be the most handsome man, but I can definitely feel sexy about myself.

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  • I chose B, even though I still think I deserve to take a lot of the blame. I always tried to be a good boyfriend, but she was really bad at communicating how she was feeling, even when I comforted her as best I can. I gave her space, everything. But when we fell out over something she would never communicate with me to try sort it out. Sure I'm not perfect, but I was always open to discussing our problems.

    In the end she just ended up playing me around, dumped me over the internet, didn't want to face me to do it in person. How ironic -sarcasm-...

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    • Trust me dude I know the feeling of dealing with a girl that is fearful of opening up her feelings...its so frustrating!

    • If she doesn't want to be open and honest, that's on her. Some people have been punished for it in the past and are reluctant to do so as a result, sadly... Still not your fault, as you need a light to see what you're doing...

  • I feel that each person should put all their efforts into making a relationship successful. We all have our flaws, but the wise person always seeks self improvement, where as the idle person is content with where they are. I think in that respect, I definitely know that while both are generally responsible for the break up, I do place more blame upon my ex than I do myself, citing her anger management issues and the conscious decision to ignore them rather than address them as the primary reason behind the decision to part ways.

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  • My last break up was over a year and a half ago.

    It was more mutual even though I insisted, we had a difference on opinions/morals which lead to a lot of arguments.

    It wasn't stuff like pro life or pro choice, We had different ways of handling issues. If I had a problem with someone, I would try to talk it out and find a peaceful manner, She would just yell and curse her away the problems.

    So when we had issues with each other, I would try to talk to her but she would easily get upset and start cursing up a storm, like throwing insults such as (Asshole, Dickhead, etc etc) then logic went right out the window with her.

    Neither her way or my way was right, just difference of opinion.

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  • I didn't feel that I really wanted to be in a relationship and she was pretty much the flirt of the century so I had to think twice about that.

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  • I could man up and take responsibility, but I voted C.

    We were together for 3 good years, then one bad year. That least year, we both hid a lot of things from each other and didn't thoroughly express our feelings until it was too late.

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  • kind of a 'biased' poll, as it assumes there was something 'wrong' that 'happened'. My ex and I had great sex, but were never compatible as a couple from the start. I picked A, though...

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    • I used the word "failed" mainly because I wanted the sharp word choice to draw attention to my poll.

      :-P

    • i was speaking more to the options in the poll - that there must be someone at fault for the breakup. You can't really fault either of us for our personalities being incompatible, I guess. Though, mine is probably the less common of the two (which is why I picked A)..

  • Not even a contest, her.

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  • My fault indeed. But her reaction did no justice.

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  • It would be my fault since I initiated it.

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  • It would be more of me since it's a self-esteem issue.

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  • Considering my last break up was because she cheated on me less than a month into the relationship, I'm pretty sure that's all her fucking fault. It's less than a month. I think you can just break up with me, you don't have to slut yourself around behind my back.

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  • She always said no to a suggestion of having sex. I respected what I considered to be her wish (:-P)

    She gave me some reasons to consider her a c┬Ąckteaser, nevertheless.

    I did not consider the possibility that she wanted not only a relationship but that she too wanted sex and that -in order to have relaxed sex- she NEEDED a few or more than a few drinks. Thus one day she got her cherry popped by a guy who gave her some. She confessed it to me, I pardoned but I still didn't suggest her to drink together: I consider(ed) unethical to make a girl drink more than one drink , certainly if it was done with that aim. Thus she cheated a few times more, same scenario: I forgave it.

    By then I had lost my illusions about our relationship. Then some other guy wanted to marry her, she got pregnant and married, dropping out of college.

    IF I had insisted instead of respecting her 'no'

    IF I'd been jealous.

    IF I had offered her a number of drinks I might have been the dad of her child. (but I didn't even think about marrying when I was still in college)

    IF had wanted marriage and a kid instead of a degree...

    I can't hold her 100% responsible for our break up. I don't feel responsible at all.

    Just two people with a different way of seeing things.

    It's better we both discovered that before marriage and kids.

    Later I met several girls who wouldn't even think about sex before having 3 beers and I understood her.

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  • i choose 50 /50 answer but I admit I did a lot of things that contributed to it failing . but I also think she did or didn't do some things that allowed for confusion and lack of clarity at times . if she had been more clear about what she wanted last summer things might of ended up differently . I don't think we communicated well enough about what we actually wanted from the relationship or life in general and failed to understand what the other wanted .

    there was a lot of confusion and I realize better communication is important you need to be able to talk about things to a potential partner and have a better idea what they want from you or a relationship to be able to fulfill there desires but I never had any idea what she wanted and now she is dating someone else so I guess the whole experience with her was a waste of time but at least I learned what not to do and can move on to someone else

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