Relationship OCD ruining my relationship?

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I want to spend my life with her, she's more than I could have ever hoped for. But for some reason my brain is contantly in search of flaws and tries to convince me of reasons not to continue seeing her. I know it's just my disorder talking and I'm never going to act on them, but it causes me such painful anxiety attacks where all these negative thoughts come rushing at me and I need to get rid of them. When I get like that she panics and freaks out that I'm going to break up with her.

It'll start where like my friend will make a joke about someone being on drugs and my mind will go something like:

"She used to be a drugee" (weed)

"here's a mental image of her all f***ed up"

"here she is smoking a pipe"

"here she is smoking a bong"

"here she is high as f*** saying stupid sh*t"

"here she is smoking salvia" (she tried it once by accident)

"here she is tripping balls on salvia"

"here she is kissing her ex-bf"

"here she is f***ing him"

"here she is f***ing someone else"

"here she is moaning his name"

"here she is saying everything she says to me, to him"

etc. and it just goes on and on

The thing is, I don't consciously care about any of this. I forgive her for smoking weed - even she says it was f***ed up of her to do and she gave it up. I forgive her for smoking salvia because she did it by accident (thought it was weed). I forgive her for not being a virgin when I met her (I was). I forgive her for smoking cigarettes (she's quitting and doing very well at it). Yet it all still gives me so much anxiety that I don't know what to do about it.

Has anyone else been through this? What can I do to make this all go away?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • youll have to provide are 'brain' with alternate pictures. instead of thinking of her f***ing an ex. think of her fcking u. instead of thinking of her smoking pot think of her smiling. just replace bad thoughts with good ones.

    i don't expect you to stop thinking of her nor to stop thinking, so offer an exchange. replace old events you were not witness to. with new experiences you witnessed. they will become more real because you saw them and were part of them.

    imagine how you want things to be and imagine that. fantasize about what is and what you want to be--not of what was.

    you don't have to stop are accept anything. just use your active imagination for good. do an exchange.

    also I think doing an activity when you start to think of bad things will help. replce the imagine with a positive one. then go do something you look forward to. eventually you'll want to think of positve things because it = doing something you enjoy. your brain will favor the positive thoughts.

    meditation. practice emptying all thoughts. ths gives you control over what you let in to your minds eye.

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    • I can see you're trying to help but it's not that easy with OCD. The thoughts are very intrusive and cannot be shaken away like that. It's really complicated!

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What Girls Said 3



  • 2 minutes ago

    first of all stop looking at her flaws as your own flaws..why should you FORGIVE her,she didn't do this to u,they are HER choices..look at yourself in the mirror,r you perfect? she has to deal with your mental illness...that's a heavy load on her...pray she doesn't get fed up

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    • Thank you for pointing out how messed up me and my disorder are but without offering any useful advice.

    • work on u,don't make it about her

  • You need to just look at her for who she is now with you. If you're happy with her, that's what matters. Personally I don't think smoking weed or cigarettes is anything she should have to even be forgiven for, it's not like she did something to wrong you. It's part of her past that you should just accept. All that matters is that you're happy with who she is now.

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    • The "just accept" part is the hard part when you have a mental disorder based on intrusive thoughts that you can't get out of your head. I want to so badly...

    • You have an advantage in that you know you have a disorder. The rest is just mind over matter.

  • You need to have therapy for your OCD. I hope you are being serious because OCD is a serious illness!

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    • Thank you for realizing that, I feel like everyone just thinks it describes people who like orderliness but it's so much deeper than that.

    • Oh do I know my son suffers OCD. It's not something a person can dela with alone. It really does need specialist help! It can be a very complex illness. Don't leave it or it will get worse.

What Guys Said 2

  • Try to forget the past; just enjoy the present. Think only that she has quit smoking, that her boyfriend is an EX, that she no longer plays with salvia...Never think about what she did in the past.

    If you find yourself thinking these thoughts, think about the here and now, or about the future, where these things don't have a place.

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    • The problem with OCD is that these thoughts are utterly pervasive and I can't make them go away, I can't distract myself or ignore them. I want to do everything you're saying, but this voice in my head just won't shut up...

    • Try to get yur voice to talk about the present or the future, rather than the past. I know I can't understand what you are going through. have you tried hypnosis?

    • Best Answer, no?

  • You have a lot of OCD prob. Get a professional's help

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