So I have a big problems making a move or missing the moment

Ok well first about 10 years ago I never had any problems with girls. I saw a girl I liked and I would have no problems going up to her talking with her and I even knew if she was interested in me or no. And when I wanted to make a move I did.

The funny part is I had no problems with any of that it all came naturally. I'm not proud of it but I could play the game with the best of them and I actually never came across a girl that I could not get.

Then I meat my ex and we were together for eight years and while she's a great person and I really loved her and still care for her a lot we destroyed each other during this time. The sad part is she was able to completely destroy my self esteem and as a result since we broke up I have no idea what I'm doing with women.

I find myself finding a woman I really like and for some reason sometimes I have the feeling that they might like me or be interested in me also. But then I start to doubt myself and start making stupid stuff making me nervous causing her to lose interest or if I'm fairly sure she's interested I can't seem to make a move or even figure out it's time to do something and as a result they get angry with me and lose interest.

I'm so fed up off this happening when I'm really interested in a girl that it makes me feel even worse about myself and start thinking that if I was one of the women I like there would literally be no reason for me to want myself. Who would!

And with every new failure comes a new even bigger one that hurts me even more and makes me even more scared of making a move and making a complete fool out of myself.

And I've had some really stupid failures in the last couple of years. One girl I liked kept inviting me for lunch and going out with me on causal dates and eventually invited me to go on vacation with her to a tropical paradise. I was so stupid that I couldn't find the guts to make a move and as a result she lost interest in me and we haven't seen each other in months. Then came another one that kept going out with me and I also liked and once she was actually at my place and stayed the whole night and I didn't know what to do. She never talked to me again.

Then there was another one that we had chemistry and went out one time and I was actually holding her in my arms but just couldn't find the guts to kiss her or something. Couldn't get her to go out with me again if I payed her. And the last one is a girl that we meat and had such chemistry that I was almost 100% sure she was interested and the next time I saw her it was the same chemistry but I just can't seem to find the confidence to feel good about it and get her. I'm really falling in love with her and I feel like she's slipping away and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I already know I'm going to crash and burn here and it's making me feel even worse about myself.

I'm lost I want to get out of this loop that I'm stuck in but don't know how.

Any advice?

Thanks for reading and the help.


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  • You haven't gotten over your exgirlfriend. You need to make peace with that. Even if you have zero desire to be with her the case is still open. Your equilibrium will return once you go through and finish the grieving process.

    In the meantime there are no splints; you cannot fake it and your confidence will not return simply because you're just echoing your past living out the judgment of your previous partner, who is gone, through the women, who are not her, and holding yourself to the standards set before you by a person long ago.

    You're symptomatic of signs of emotional abuse. [insert "See a therapist"]

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    • I know I've said that I'm over her but I do still regard her as a person that means a lot to me. Like a really close friend or a close family member. But I do I know there must be something left over even if I have no desire of being with her. But how do I get over her completely?

      I feel like I've passed a few really good chances with a few really great girls because of this and I'm afraid this one will slip way for the same reason and I don't want that.

    • The easiest way to get over something is to accept it. You must grieve. You must allow yourself to go through the tough processes. Perhaps you stopped partially through? It isn't that you cannot hold them as people and close friends and whatnot but rather that you must move beyond the shadow of their presence. For you she is still, regardless of what you call her consciously, your girlfriend. It is time you helped your subconscious come to the same conclusion you consciously came to.

    • Thanks. I'll try to figure out if I can what would be holding me back.

      I just feel that it would be a really big shame to miss out on some nice relationships because I'm screwed up. And this girl I meat is really worth all the effort I could ever find because she's really great and I'd hate to miss out.

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