Do we have a chance at getting back together?

ok so my girlfriend just broke up with me and I asked her why and this is what she said "idk not really,you didn't do anything wrong at all I just really don't feel like I should be dating anyone right now

it was in a bad time already when you asked me out but I really wanted to be with you so I said yes and tried to make it work but I guess I just can't right now:(" the I replied with this "well...i really love you so if you feel like it can work later then ill still love you...cause I'm gonna be honest. its gonna take me a while to get over a WHILE. you are really special to me :(" and she answered with this "i love you too:( and maybe it will, I'm so sorry cooper I NEVER wanted to do this to you and you are too". SO my question is do you think we have a chance at getting back together or not. because I REALLY love this girl and am having a really hard time right now. Thanks for any help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to be 100% straight with you, because I've been here several times and it's always the same thing.

    "I don't feel like I should be dating anyone right now" means "I don't feel like I should be dating YOU". She's not interested in being in a relationship with YOU. It does NOT under ANY circumstance mean that she's not interested in DATING in general. She is. I promise you that.

    And it's very, very likely that she's got someone else she's interested in. Probably someone that she's been casually talking to, who has been hitting on her, and she's wanting to see where that goes.

    Do NOT be surprised when you discover this. Nobody leaves a stable relationship without damn good cause. She likes you, and would have been perfectly content to continue dating you because you were comfortable, and she could trust you, and that's always preferable to being alone. She left you because she had a reason, and "I just want to be alone" is never a valid reason.

    And this is what people don't understand about breakups. Lying to you about her interest in someone else may temporarily give you some comfort, but once you've got confirmation that she's lied to you, then there will be broken trust, and that hurts more than the transgression of allowing herself to be seduced. And her leading you on in the process by giving you hope that she'll want to get back together is just going to make you resentful.

    Now, I know you love this girl and you want her back. I sympathize with that. I truly do, because like I said, I've been there. Several, times.

    So do not contact her. You're going to want to do so. You're going to want to tell her how you feel. You're going to want to see how she's doing. You're going to want to keep checking to see if she's changed her mind. But don't do it. Don't message her on Facebook, don't text her, don't call her. It's just going to make things worse for you and her.

    If she contacts you, you may be cordial. Don't be an a**hole, but don't be nice either. Be short and to the point. Absence is the only thing that might help you at this point, but listen. IT PROBABLY WON'T. The REASON you need NO CONTACT is because YOU need to move on, because statistically speaking, that's GOING to be the end result. You are very likely NOT getting back together.

    But you can go ahead and hold out hope for awhile. That's okay. Just don't waste too much of your time on her, you're more valuable than that, and you're ultimately just depriving yourself of the chance to find someone else who appreciates you.

    • ok so I have one last question. I realize that the chances of us getting back together are VERY slim. but I wouuld still like to remain friends with her. so how should I approach this?

    • You should approach it from the NOT wanting to be friends with her angle. You can be friends after you've moved on. Again, I know it's hard, but you need to focus on you right now, because she's definitely focusing on her, and if you try to do the "friends" thing NOW, it's just going to make every single aspect of this harder on you.

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  • There's always a chance. As she said, she wasn't at a time whe she wanted to be dating anyone.

    Accept this and let her have her freedom. She'll be grateful you were understanding of her feelings.

    Maybe later,much later, at a different stage of life,who knows? I doubt she'll want to date you anytime soon.

  • What the first guy said all the way! I could not agree more with him. Firstly let me say that I've been there before as well, I can sympathise 100% and I understand that it's the furthest thing from easy to abstain from contacting her and letting go of that slim bit of hope that there's a future for you two. In her mind, she's making it easier for you and less brutal by giving you a bit of hope, and she does have good intentions by doing this...but in reality it makes it harder.

    I know you love her still, I can relate, and right now she's the only person you want to be with, and 'everyone else is not an option'...but trust me, you want someone that you see eye to eye with, someone that is EQUALLY in love with you, and it's not her bro.

    Right now? What you need to do is get her out of your mind, go and hang with your best friends, have some COD/halo sessions or whatever, get back to basics, hit up the gym, whatever you enjoy doing that'll help take your mind off it. But make sure you spend a lot of time with close friends of yours.

    This happened to me about a year ago, a very similar situation. She broke up with me saying things like "I still love you, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I want to be single" and I asked something like "do you see a future for us? Could you see us getting married?" and she said "yeah I can see us getting married". But let me tell you, if the girl is seriously thinking about a future with you, she's not gonna break up with you! A girl that truly loves you, even if they truly need a break, won't break your heart like that.

    Anyway, someone else will come along, I guarantee it. It didn't take long for me, someone else came into my life, and I didn't know how important she'd become to me, but at the time she was a cool girl I met, that was a friend and helped me get through it, and I later fell for her and now couldn't be happier. I thought I was happy with my ex, but I compare the two relationships and that one was so one sided! She just wasn't in it, but now, we are equals and it's so much smoother.

    Anyway, I wish you best of luck, I know it's hard, but it's not the end of the world, even if it may seem like it. Get out there, have fun and meet new people!


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