What are his real motives and how does he really feel?

Me and my boyfriend of four years broke up due to a massive amount of problems that have built up. He let his personality and confidence go and he stopped showing me he really loved me. I broke it off and we talked with the agreement that if he could pull it together we'd give things another go. We still love each other so much. in a week he pulled it together... he's a truly changed man. he's who I fell in love with from the start again and I said okay lets get it back together and he said no. he wants to keep going with a break. he says we have more to do on both sides. I can't call how I feel now anything but broken hearted. Its so unsure what he really wants. he said he wants more time away from each other and I don't know how to take it. is he forcing this on both of us or himself? is he trying to ease into something permenant? is he really trying to help us or just get away from me? is he looking for an excuse to see other girls and me? he promised he wouldn't do that and I want to believe him... he started crying when I was saying he couldn't bare to see me in the state I was in and he loves me so much. but at other times he's been withdrawn and held me at arms length. I've asked him about it and I can't get any clear answers... he says he doesn't know where it'll go and what he wants. we went to my friends wedding today and after he told me all teared up and what not that he wants to have that with me. he wants to have children with me someday, etc. what difference does it make at this point if we can be together and give each other that space to grow now? I don't understand and I'm hurt and so confused... does this guy still love me? does anyone have any real insight?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm thinking he's rethinking your relationship. You were forcing him to become something he wasn't, restraining his personality it seems. So when YOU set him free, he was able to rediscover himself and he likes it. Stop being selfish and thinking about you. It's his turn to be selfish and think about himself. He's not thinking about you, or your relationship in my opinion. He's thinking about what's best for HIM. If that means breaking up, or getting back together, it'll be HIS decision.

    Your little illusion of having control on him has just been crushed woman.

  • So you broke up with someone and demanded he change. He changed and in his change had the revelation that perhaps it was time to elevate to the next level of consciousness and maturity, and said "No, I will not resign to this game", and you're broken-hearted? But this is what you wanted. Congratulations!

    He still loves you and all that jazz but now you forced a reflection and contrary to whatever nonsense you read in BS magazines men take this sh*t very seriously; you say "LEVEL UP NOW!" and they won't just go up one level, but two, or even ten, and thus the alonetime on the mountaintop. Men turn to hermits when troubled and tend to not be as social. Apparently you wounded him by attacking his core personality pretty deeply and then within a "week" even if he met your demands by acting a certain way realized that it just wasn't enough.

    He's smart, like most men are, and is doing preventative planning and changing.

    • What should I do then? He's being so confusing. I don't think I have ever hurt him as much as he has hurt me. I just want him back in my life. I want to know he loves me and I want to be the thing that makes him happy. he says he has every intention of being with me but I don't trust things like that. I know what these things lead to, it doesn't work like that. I know I was in the wrong. I don't know what to believe from him. I want to just walk out the door and prepetend I can move on

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    • I do not feel sorry for you. He even promised himself to you even after YOUR ultimatum to him and HIS compliance. You're ridiculous. "He's putting me through this". . . Either you have some seriously hidden facts here or you're just being a whiny little thing. Those are the only two options. I kind of feel bad for your man. You tell him to step to a standard, he does it, and realizes he can better himself, but you want to stand in the way of that because of ... you. Ridiculous

    • You know what? Listen to someone else on the issue; I'm sure they can comfort you. I refuse. That's nonsense.

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