Should I forgive him and get over this?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2.5 years and almost a year ago we took a break for a month because we were both dealing with very low points on our lives.

In that time he had slept with a girl he knew from college and I was with another guy, although we didn't sleep together.

I contacted him and told him that I loved him (for the first time) and we got back together but sometimes this does come back to haunt me and I don't want to ruin the really good thing we have going on now but it does tend to make me feel insecure every now and then.

What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • you were not together at the time he had no idea if you 2 would get back together or not. doesn't make a difference if you didn't sleep with this other guy or not the fact you were apart from (your now BF) you were still with another guy not him. the fact that you got back together means you start back out as being fresh again. what you 2 did while on your break or separation is past . not much you can do about it. forgive him and forgive yourself as well and move forward with the relationship your in . also you failed to mention if this was a one night stand with this ex friend of his or like you an on going relationship.

    i do get the feeling though by your post that it was or might have been just a one night stand or very short lived one. why hold this over him . you were with another guy he had no reason to suspect you 2 would get back together... unless you 2 had been talking about the possibility of that happening. you don't make it clear as to when you contacted him to tell him you loved him (for the 1st time while in a 2.5 year relationship is what I find hard to believe) had you stop seeing the other guy (dating ,or just bff type guy <the reason I say this is you were with a guy for 30 days and no sex so this says he may have been one of the type guys some women put in the friend zone . maybe just so you wouldn't have to be alone and to have some one to talk to.

    maybe I'm reading to much into your posting here but I'm pretty good at how people puts things in writing to interpet what they are saying without saying it. if I'm and my speculations I'll apologize now but ? lol...

    hope this helped some ... I know somewhat long winded ,lol...

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What Guys Said 3

  • fore most guys taking a break means I'm alloud to hook up with other girls during our current split up.

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  • well you can't really change how you feel but you can choose not to hold it against him that he slept with someone else when you were on a break.

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  • Let it go. It sounds like he was open about the event so you have no choice but to accept your own choice to be with him and just let it go. Now that's easier said than done. Naturally you will compare yourself and all that so you may consider seeking the truth and asking about the experience; curiosity is usually what keeps these things alive so once you know "the whole truth" you will be free of the questions which is what keeps the status alive and can move on to getting over it in different ways.

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    • When it first happened, he had lied to me saying it was a random girl and when I had asked if it was this girl in college he said yes and justified lying because he felt guilty and embarrassed.

      I know he didn't cheat on me but the fact that he lied about it and that I came back to him first, makes me feel insecure. He told me he didn't leave me for her and I believe that but it makes me feel like I'm not good enough compared to her and that he's with me because she didn't want him.

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    • lol that would be the most awkward conversation to have with a girlfriend who you know is a bit pissed off about it. I doubt you will get the truth from putting someone on the spot like that fwiw

    • Humans are surprisingly honest when you approach them correctly and truthfully. They are also surprisingly receptive. The way I see it there's a huge chance that you yourself have been in this position of being "on the spot" and didn't even know it because of how you were approached. It is the anxiety of the approach, never the topic itself, that really breaks things down.

What Girls Said 5

  • I Think Its Bothering You because it really hurts youu & as bad as you want to get over it you just can't. But don't feel insecure about that situation at all, I feel like Us as Females Just Won't Do Certain Things & Guys Will Do Some Of Everything that's how I will look at it. Try&talk to him about it& tell him how youu feel, I highly doubt it will messup y'all relationship if anything it will bring y'all closer. Goodluck (:

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    • Thank you for your help :) do you think it would be OK to bring this all up even though it happened a while ago?

    • Girl Yes! Some stuff we just can't get over& when we talk about it we seem to feel better . Your welcome, no problem (:

  • Idk if I could, honestly. His lying, the competition, how he could sleep with someone else so soon (and he had his eye on her already... WTF).

    So, I guess try to talk to him about it and get the truth about how he feels (her vs. you) and if you still don't feel like #1 you jet out of there.

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  • Did you have any rules for your break, was having sex with others one of them? Because I know that some people think of a break as a mini break up, and others it is just time apart to think away from the person. I think you should just let it go, tell him how you feel, and try to move on. It seems like a while ago, and I know how hard it will be, but I think it will be for the best. You were with another guy as well, so at least it was not totally uneven, if you know what I mean.

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  • get over it and trust him. both made almost the same mistake so communicate more and be more trusting. the leap of faith brings the trust.

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  • uhm, why would you proceed when you already cheated on each other

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    • You obviously didn't read the question lol we were on break...

    • i did, for me a break doesn't mean that you can go and be with other people, that is breaking off, but I guess this is just all a matter of semantics

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