First ex-girlfriend!

Hi there.

I'll get straight to the business: ~6 months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 1,5 years - she was my first real girlfriend. I'm not regretting it - it was the right thing to do. I do realize that getting over someone does take time, and it's individual for every person.

My problem is that I often have this disturbing feeling in my gut, whenever something reminds me of her. The feeling is weird: at the same time it's both good and bad. Good in the way that it is a nice memory to experience, bad in the way that I miss her. The worst ones are the ones when I'm at work (I work in a nursery school), and I imagine me being a dad (which I'm very much looking forward to), the mom just doesn't feel right if I don't imagine my ex.

I can't stand the thought of her being single and enjoying it, with what follows.

I really feel like I need her when I experience something bad, like my parents' divorce, university trouble, insecurities or problems with friends - when we were together, I could always talk to her, and she UNDERSTOOD ME. Something which I've never really experienced with anyone else.

Am I just an oversensitive freak who thinks about having a family way too early?! I guess I just need someone else's view on this. Will I ever feel this way about another girl?!

In trying to get over her faster, I've been hooking up with a couple of girls (which helped a little), writing a list of all her bad traits and just filing my schedule with tons of stuff.

Please do not suggest getting back with her - I don't want to, and it would not work out.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is normal. You're not oversensitive. You're just someone who genuinely had feelings about your ex-girlfriend, which is a good thing. This means you were actually in love. To answer your question I think it is very possible to feel this way about another girl again. You're on the right path with trying to get over her and sticking with your decision. Its going to take a lot of time but hang in there!

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What Girls Said 16

  • Yes, it's normal to experience the things you are experiencing now. Yes, you will feel that way for another girl someday. You're still getting used to the change, and all these reminders are simply slowing the process down. However, if I were you, I'd try not to hook up or force myself to date other girls just yet. It's very easy to get stuck in bad situations that way.

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  • Sounds like you still love her and it still takes time to heal. Just give yourself time you will meet someone better suited for you or whatever problems you guys had may end up being resolved or she could end up changing or whatever and the two of you can finally let your wounds heal. The best thing you can do is live your life but sleeping around isn't goping to help it'll probably make you feel bad in the long run. It's normal I'm going through the same thing.

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  • I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and three months or so and I still get sick to my stomach when I see him. I like to think I'm over him but I'm definitely changed from it. When you spend over a year of your life with sometime like that, you don't just get to hit erase. Keeping yourself busy and going out more will help. Enjoy the single life too! Be bitter! Enjoy knowing that you deserve someone better! You'll be fine. :)

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    • thanks this kinda helps me, I was with mine for a year and three months or so and I do too, I'll try to think that way..

    • No problem, sweetheart! Glad to help! You can message me if you ever need someone as well! :)

  • What was wrong with her? It takes sometimes 6 months - 2 years for people to get over a relationship. Hooking up is a temporary solution to not address why you broke up and why you can't see yourself with her but still think it is possible?

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  • There really is no fast way to get rid of the emotions you have for her. it'll take time and sometimes when it is true love its there for a long long time even years. However, there are ways you can deal with that pain. One of them is not to loose hope that you will find another love. The world is huge and how can this girl be more special than all the other 3.5 billion women in the planet. There are plenty of interesting people and places you should get to know. Life is extremely short and since I'm an atheist I think that what you have is this life... then there is nothing, you are food for worms and being happy is a decisiĆ³n that you make.

    However, you can't be happy, if you are not keenly aware of your own humanity and everybody elses. Only then can you trully be honest with yourself and find it in your heart to love again without the fear of abandonment or rejection.

    I hope this doesn't sound weird to you.

    Hope you find happiness.

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  • It's called nostalgia. And it's going to stick around for a while. With my ex, I was head over heels in love with him and I left him because in all honesty, he was an awful awful person who would only hurt me. That didn't make me love him any less though. It took me almost a year to function normally again, losing him was losing everything and it takes time to rebuild such a huge loss in your life. But there is hope I swear. I met my fiance 2 years ago (a little over a year and a half after the breakup) and he is the most wonderful person ever. Every thought of my ex slowly disappeared until he was just a faded memory. I think until you find that next truly special person, your heart doesn't completely get over it. If you're looking, try online dating. You're obviously a fan of using the internet. If not, then just be patient.

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  • It's been over a year and sometimes I still miss a guy that I was with for 2.5 years, we even lived together. Chances are you will always care for that person and miss them especially if they really meant something to you. Just give yourself time and start talking to other girls. Sign up for a dating site, go out with friends, go to a party, bar, or somewhere that you can mingle with people, to take your mind off of it. You don't have to have sex with these girls to take your mind off of it, but carrying on conversations and getting to know other girls will help. Find a way to show yourself that there so many options out there and many single woman. Just keep reminding yourself why it didn't work with her and though she had some good qualities, she just was not the right one for you.

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    • As life goes on, eventually you will find someone new. If you still feel like you miss her even when you find someone new, that's okay, don't feel guilty. Just as long as it doesn't turn into you wishing the girl you are with is her. It's okay to miss someone, every now and then, that played a big part in our life and meant something to you. Give yourself time! Good luck :^)

  • I'm in the same boat as you, only I'm a girl and its a longer more horrific story.

    THIS IS HORRIBLE I FEEL YOUR PAIN!

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  • You sound like you still love her just let time heal all wounds and keep expanding your options

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  • Why did you break up with her

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  • to me you still love her

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  • you need to get over her, you don't need her in your life anymore.

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  • You sound you still love her

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  • Well, its been 5 years now and I am still not over him. Lmao, no I'm being serious.

    I'm sorry that you are going through this.

    You should NOT hook up with a bunch of girls though it looks really bad and personally I can not stand guys that have slept with a lot of girls, some girls are like me and are picky and like to know a guys background and will question why you were sleeping with different girls and may be quite disturbed by it like I would!

    Also, you are going to be OK, and sure you may find another girl like/better than her for sure! Just let time tell

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  • no, I think you are OK. but try to move on, you will find a better girl.

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  • i think it is normal, you remind yourself of all the nice things now that the bad ones are over.

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What Guys Said 1

  • "My problem is that I often have this disturbing feeling in my gut...The feeling is weird: at the same time it's both good and bad. Good in the way that it is a nice memory to experience, bad in the way that I miss her. "

    - That my friend is heart ache! It's not a serious case, but it's still heart ache :) it will heal, but it will take TIME. It will probably take a much longer time to heal, especially since she was your first girlfriend, and since you dated her for so long. Don't worry, you will heal.

    John Adams (one of our founding fathers) courted a girl for nearly a year, and when he was about to propose, his friend came into the room, and interrupted him. A week later the girl left Adams, leaving him heartbroken. After a couple months, John Adams met Abigail, a girl who he initially thought was of much less quality, than his previous girlfriend. He, however, found that Abigail was MUCH better in many ways, and eventually married Abigail. The two stayed married for the rest of Adams' life. They were married for 54 years.

    Just remember that when you see other girls, and you *think* they are less than your past girlfriend :)

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