I miss my ex boyfriend, but not my ex best friend? / Please Read./

This is going to sound very complicated so bare with me. About a year ago I met two guys via Facebook, and one ended up being my boyfriend, and the other a best friend.

> My best friend was a sweet, down to earth funny man that always cheered me up when I was down. He helped me though a lot of my problems with my ex boyfriend and kept me company whenever I needed that shoulder.

The only problem was he had a crush on me, and I didn't feel the same way. It was obvious that he liked me, but I never asked due to being in a relationship. Then on V-Day he did the unthinkable and gave me a panda as a present. It was adorable and I loved it alot, but for some reason it just felt... weird to have. The next day he finally came clean to me about his feelings and I had to be honest with him. I told him that I think he's a very good guy, and I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I don't share the same feelings and that I have a boyfriend.

At first it seemed to me that he understood, but later down the line it seemed he started falling for me more. Now over the next few months I admit to having a "tiny" crush on him and he knew it.

Our friendship was fine until I broke up with my ex boyfriend. After that he started getting extremely mushy and clingy, Even asking me out a lot of times, Which I kindly turned down. Being with my ex for almost a year had me an emotional wreak and it had only been one week after we broke up that he started asking me. For the next few months I kept turning him down, but one night of weakness changed our friendship forever. I had phone sex with him. During this time I had Hero syndrome. because he was there to help me though the pain, and for some odd reason.. I felt like I owed him. After a few weeks of this I ended up saying yes to dating him, and after that he was never the same. It was as if phonesex was the only thing on his mind. He wanted it in the morning, the evening, the night, etc. and when I actually said yes, he would want me to get him off 3-8 times. Not to mention this dude had some serious baggage. He wanted me to move down there and "We" would have to take care of his brother, he had no job and no diploma. Not to mention he was 25 and still living with his mom, he wasn't even looking for a job until I would ask about it.

I just realized that he was acting as a rebound, and what was worse, was that he knew he was, he told me. I felt so bad about it, because I admit it kept me from thinking of my ex,but I just wasn't into him like that when the HS went away, our relationship went with it.

I still was in love with my ex boyfriend. He knew it, and I knew it. So I broke it off with him saying that I loved him as a friend and that was all. He agreed and told me that we would stay friends. Its been 4 months and we are no longer in contact.

To be honest I kinda don't care and I don't know why. I even trashed the panda he brought me the other day. I really care for him, but part of me just feels used.

I don't know why..


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well... its a complicated story, so the answer is a little complicated. I'll attempt brevity and clarity.

    Human emotions are complex and surprising sometimes. I am guessing that your boyfriend is the one who broke off your relationship. You miss him because we always miss what we can't have. It's masochistic and you would do well to stop it- as you achieve nothing but feeling miserable. Move on.

    As for the other guy- he was (and is) a bit of a mess. He also wanted what he couldn't have when he couldn't have it. He might have succeeded if he was more cool than he was- but he wasn't.

    He was clingy, needy and desperate... not to mention pushy as hell. He didn't provide you with what you really needed most- being there, but giving you space for a while. Still- we're talking about a 25 year old guy living with his mom, no school, no job, no prospects and serious baggage.

    Honey- it really seems as if you've dodged a bullet BOTH times. Be glad!

    The "best friend" was walking trouble... even if he was sweet and down to earth (which ARE fine and admirable qualities, to be sure).

    The BF- for whatever reason, went elsewhere. I don't know what happened... but if you are with someone and you are loving and caring and good to them, giving, generous and loyal... and they STILL run off... F*CK them and the little blond horse they rode out on. They don't deserve you in the least... but someone else out there does.

    Seriously- give yourself a break. Forget the 1st guy... and by now, the other guy too.

    You may do far better to meet people the old school way- face to face- as opposed to FB to FB.

    • Thank you! :)

    • My pleasure, my dear! Good luck!

      I don't know why you didn't get more feedback than you did- you deserved to. It's a fairly universal situation you are in.

      The best thing about moving ahead and approaching the next corner in life- is that you go around that corner... and life goes on- with new options and opportunities.

      There are always new corner- and we just keep turning them. That's life.

      Forget the 1st guy now. He's just not worth it any more! I wish you the best!

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