The other day I was going through my boyfriends pictures on his phone, checking out the pictures I wanted of our ferret since he had so many cute ones. When I went farther down there was a picture of a naked girl in an instant messaging app folder(the folder was open inside the gallery, I would not have opened it on purpose). I instantly asked him about it. Yes I was very upset and I did raise my voice. We have been together for over a year and a half and nothing like this has ever happened. He said he had no idea how it got on there and he still claims it was not him. I automatically started to believe him but the situation seemed odd. (He'd been acting weird the few days before and I had gotten paranoid something was wrong then this happened) I desperately wanted to believe him but I'm scared to. In his past relationships he's cheated on most of his girlfriends. In all honesty I am hard to get along with, I'm easily upset and irritated and I'm very stubborn. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't want to be a part of the relationship anymore. I love him more than anything and we've always been able to work out our problems but this time I need help. The pictured showed up in a folder from an app that he would have had to gotten the picture from and only me and him knew that he had this app. I want to be with him, we have been engaged before(that was canceled because of an irrelevant broken promise that we worked out) and we have plans to be again soon. I want to spend my life with him and I don't want to lose him but I also don't want to be cheated on. I really need help in this situation. I have repeatedly talked to him about it and he still says the same thing. (I also talked to my mom and she says I should snoop around his phone and try to find evidence, I do not want to do that because it is his phone and I want to trust him, I'm also scared of finding something else). Please help.
P.s. I'm very upset right now so any criticism you have can you please word it nicely so I don't overreact anymore than I probably already have. That would be very much appreciated.
Most Helpful Girl
Do you know if it's a girl he knows in person? He may have just gotten it from one of his guy friends (who was being kinda jerky if that's the case) or from the internet or something. In those cases, no it's not great behavior. Even those things might be considered rude or intolerable depending on the 'rules' of your relationship.
However, I would not jump the gun and automatically assume he's cheating. Furthermore, I would definitely not be overly aggressive about finding evidence. Once you start doing that, the relationship is over. If he's cheating or not, you've forfeited the relationship, because it just adds a whole level of deception to the thing and he'll probably catch you snooping around. If someone is genuinely concerned that their partner is cheating - to the point where they are very tempted to snoop and try to catch the person in a lie - it would be better for them to simply be honest with the person, and say "I really like you, and maybe you aren't, but I can't get over the suspicion that you're cheating, so I'm breaking up with you, so I'm not tempted to invade your privacy in order to find evidence of cheating."
I would drop the subject for now. The more you question him, the more he'll become entrenched in his position. If he IS lying, asking him, "are you sureeee?" is only giving him practice in lying. Drop the subject. Wait to see if something else fishy happens. Gauge his FIRST reaction to a situation like that, and that will give you the most truth.
I definitely wouldn't be thinking about marriage with this person, at least for right now, because your relationship is not on solid ground right now.0